This Says it All...

Major Catch Up

Okay--I KNOW I have some major catching up to do. I will do this backwards, hoping that I remember everything. If not, I will add it in a later post.

Today--Very relaxed. The girls had Alyvia spend the night last night and we are all just taking it easy. Me in front of the computer, them in front of the TV. (John--over in the neighbors garage.)

Yesterday--clean up after Christmas. You know, put stuff away, do something with all those boxes, vacuum. Jenna cleaned up her room with out being told. That makes about 3 times this week. I keep asking if she is feeling ok.

Wednesday the 26th-went to John's Mom's to pick up the girls--Aunt Jenny had asked them to stay over. And we had to pick up John's truck mat, it wouldn't fit in the car. He also set up his new Sirius radio in the morning (needed a new one after the accident). We also had to bring up one of the presents for Ceci we had forgotten.

Christmas Day--We had a great Christmas and Christmas Eve. The girls seem to enjoy eveything they got, even the clothes. Although there are a few things I am curious to see if Jenna wears. The nintendo ds and video camera are the big hits. More so the ds right now I think. I can't believe they haven't picked it up yet today. John seemed to like what we got him. He actually had a list this year. He and the girls gave me a Dell Laptop. (which I am using right now). It is awesome. I am still figuring things out on it. I got it hooked up to the internet right away, I need to network it with the main computer so I can print and such. After we opened our presents and had breakfast-we headed up to John's Mom's for dinner. Since the girls stayed the night there, we came home and watched a movie--and I played on my new toy!!

Christmas Eve--My mom and Dad, sister, niece and nephew came over. Luckily the weather held out! The road to get here can get quite slick. It was a nice evening.

Dec. 23--John and the girls went up to his mom's while I stayed home. I got a little chill time this way. I also got to got a jump on stuff for Christmas, so I wouldn't feel so crazy getting things done the next day.

Dec.22--Haley had her gymnastics party today. Afterwards we took the girls to shop for each other. They actually got done with that fairly quickly. Then we went to Charley Horse to eat. I do like that place. I had an excellent prime rib sandwich. John had a huge burrito. We had take home containers...that of course we left there. We seem to do that alot. We stopped by Ann and Jim's after that. Sean was sleeping, Ethan was up though. And Jim had gotten this HUGE stuffed Homer from a client--and wanted to get rid of it--so it came home with the girls. Now whoever doesn't have Scrappy in their room has Homer.

Dec.21--Haley's school Christmas party. Jenna's class didn't have one. They got out of school early and are off until Jan. 3. We had a relaxing evening. We watched the Simpson's movie--it was better than I though it would be. Also watched Hot Rod. That was pretty funny.

Dec. 20---Ann (neighbor) and I went stocking stuffer shopping. It was nice, neither of us had to run around crazy. We got our nails done (which I needed, I had a bunch break off), and later had lunch at Chili's. Yum.

Dec. 19--Cookie day. Ann (SIL) and I had our annual day of making cookies. We have become quite efficient at it.

Dec. 18--I ran out and finished up a few things shopping wise.

Dec. 17--Had to take the dog to the vet. He has been itching alot and has to get medicine weekly. The vet usually only charges us for the medicine, not the office visit, but didn't charge us anything this time. Take him back on the 24th. I also had a board meeting this night. Luckily it was a short one. We also got most of the wrapping done today too. What John and I didn't get done during the day, he and the girls finished up while I was at my meeting.

Dec. 15--The girls stayed at Grandma's. They were helping Aunt Jenny babysit Ceci. My plan was to stay home and watch movies and wrap presents--as none of them were wrapped at this point. Well....John wanted to go check out the new mall in Bolingbrook, so we did. After we ate a Hayden's crossing, then hit the Rustic and Tuffy's for drinks. Needless to say-no wrapping got done that night. It also snowed like a fiend, and you all know how I feel about winter!

Dec. 14th--Appointment with the Cardiologist and an Ultra sound. US came back ok. Dr. said that I gained 13 pounds since my last appt with her. Yikes! She was telling me about how walking at a 3 mph pace 4 hours a week can lower my risk of recurrence by 50%. That is huge. I am going to start walking the track at the fieldhouse. At least until it gets warmer out--then maybe I will just walk the neighborhood. That night we had Matt, Melissa, Steve, Kris and kids over. The kids all make an ornament and have an exchange. It is always interesting to see what they come up with.

Dec. 12--Cindy and I went out. We are going to try and do this every other week--with the exception of Christmas vacation. This is something we should have started a long time ago.

Dec. 11--Herceptin

Dec. 8--Hannah Montana!! I was really impressed with this concert. It was pretty good! I wasn't sure what to expect. I thought it might be too Disney, too cutesy. but it was an actual concert. Our seats were good. To the side of the stage, so you saw alot of the side of her, or back, but fairly close. I missed all of the Hannah Montana part waiting in the merchandise line. We got in line in between the Jonas Bros. and her. She was starting, so I told the girls to go watch and I would stay in line. Well, that was the only bad thing--the merchandise area moved SLOW! No organization at all. Someone had come up and said the line downstairs was shorter, so I decided to go down there. Still slow. I had just said to the woman in front of me that I hope we get through the line before the concert is over. ( I hadn't thought to tell the girls to stay put if it ended and I wasn't back.) Next thing I know, I hear "mom". I look over and the girls are standing there with a police officer. They had looked for me upstairs--didn't even think to look downstairs. As it turns out I didn't need to worry--I ended up seeing the whole "Miley Cyrus" portion. They had a lounge set up downstairs for the parents to hang out in, or get ear plugs! I thought that was a great idea!

Before the concert there was a little "party" outside for fan club members. It was cold, but ended up being worth the wait--Haley won a Rock Tour guitar.

The girls really enjoyed themselves, and I actually did too. I will post the slide show of pics in a different post-as blogger keeps wanting to put it at the top of this one, and I don't want it there.

As you can see..life goes on. We are getting past all this cancer crap. Hopefully for good. There are still times it gets me down--but I tend to keep that to myself. Still hating the hair. Still seriously considering extensions. This god damn port has been bugging me again too.

Another one of my YSC friends has recently found out her cancer is back. I feel so terrible for her. I can't even imagine. I don't want to. She is one of the Chicago ladies. There are a group of us meeting for lunch this Sunday in Greektown--YUM!! I am hoping she can make it. Her daughter is just a year and a half younger than the girls, so we should get them together too.

If I forgot anything, I will add it in another post....

Hannah Montana Slide Show..

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I promise to get on soon an catch up!!! In the meantime...enjoy the holidays!!!!

Well, we made it to Rockford and back. The roads absolutely sucked!! I was kind of crazy to even be out, but we got there. The car was covered in ice, the hood ornament looking like it was encased in crystal. The races were pretty good. The Rockford arena is small, not really a bad seat there. The ride home on Sunday was wonderful. What a difference a day makes!

Haley is home from school today. She came home with a headache last night, and woke up this morning with a fever. She seems better now. Talking up a storm.

I am taking the girls to the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus concert on Saturday. Yes I got tickets. And no, they weren't thousands or even hundreds of dollars. They had a post sale. The seats aren't the best, may even be somewhat behind the stage. I still think the girls will enjoy it. Should be interesting to say the least.

Part of this reconstruction process is getting nipples made (next procedure) and then areolas tattooed on. John wants "his guy" to do the tattoos. I want the dr to do it. I don't even care what they look like to be honest with you. I, at times, don't even want to get them. I mean seriously, no one is going to know if they are there or not except John, the girls and I. I am so over all this crap. I don't want any more "procedures". I am sick of all of it. I have a real attitude about this lately. I don't let it show of course, but at times when I think about all that I have been through this past year--I am pissed. And sad. No one should have to do this. Ever.

On a lighter note, I was going through old magazines and found one of the Stephen King articles in my Entertainment Weekly. He is talking about how things are just cool. You can't make them that way, they either are, or they aren't. There was a paragraph in there I thought was kind of funny:
"There's no rhyme or reason to the coolness thing. Look at politicians, the ultimate entertainers. Barack Obama is cool. Hillary Clinton, who will probably win the Democratic Party's nomination to run for president, is not. On the other side-well, it's hard to be Republican and be cool, it's almost an oxymoron, but John McCain is cool. And of course, Bob Dole. Very cool. Hence the Viagra ads."

Off to do more decorating!

Some people just don't realize when they should not say something, or drop the conversation. Today is John's turn. He proceeded to tell me this morning that I should do something with my hair. Well DUH!! I only wish I had some to do something with. This bothers me immensely. I absolutely hate having short hair. Cindy did fix it different the last time she colored it. But I HATED it! Couldn't wait to wash it. Would rather wear a ball cap for the next 3 months than wear my hair like that. Even Haley, who thinks I should keep the hair short- hated it. And John is telling me that I need to spend more time on my hair. There isn't any there to spend time on. This is a sore spot with me. I asked him to drop it. Of course he didn't and proceeded to tell me that my hair looks like I just got out of bed. Men just don't have a clue sometimes.

Ought to be a real fun ride to Rockford today. I almost wish they would go and leave me here. That won't happen.

The Girls and the "Girls"

First, the girls. I don't know what it is but they are kind of driving me crazy lately. They seem to be more stubborn than usual, and little chatter boxes! Hopefully this will pass soon. Not sure how much longer I can take it!!

As for the "girls" (aka-new boobs), I am getting used to them. I think I am happy with them. I kind of wish they were set closer together. She says they look natural, honestly I think I would have preferred if they didn't. I have to massage them for the next year. Three times each time, three times a day. This is to keep them soft and keep the scar tissue from hardening up. She did tell me that if I push them together now and then they may settle that way. So I am trying it. I would like to have cleavage without wearing a bra. And awesome cleavage when I am. I need to get a push up bra. Maybe if I wear that it will have the same effect as pushing them together. We are looking at doing the nipples after the holidays. So maybe by spring I will be complete! I guess for this surgery, you aren't out, just numbed. There will be a sheet up so that I can't see. It will take about 3 hours. That is a long time to lay there, especially knowing what they are doing! I will have to ask for some happy juice!

Needed to go to my general dr. yesterday--but he is out of town until the 6th. So I saw his dr assistant-Gretchen. She is a sweetheart!! I guess she has all the training of a dr, and can do everything a dr does, she just doesn't have the title and doesn't have to pay all the ins and such, the medical group does that. Anyway--I have a sinus infection. She also saw fluid behind my right ear, and said I would have had an ear infection too if I hadn't come in.

My girlfriend Cindy and I went out on Wednesday. We had a lot of fun...thinking of making this a bi weekly event.

We are taking the girls to Rockford for dirt bike races this weekend. Thinking we need to stay, since they are predicting snow changing to sleet. I want to get my Christmas stuff up this weekend too. Would like to do the tree (so would the girls, they keep asking me when we are going to do it), but John doesn't like it up this early. Maybe we can shoot for Wednesday as a compromise.

I have decided that I don't want to bother with the conference this year. As much as I would love to meet and hang out with the YSC ladies, and as informative as I think it will be, I just can't come home on the 24th and turn around and leave on the 28th. Especially with the girls' birthday in there. Just doesn't seem right. Not to mention I would probably be wore out by the time we went to Vegas. They will all be at races on Sunday (I am not a race fan), so I may get a massage during that time.

Well, I actually had something else I was going to tell you all, but with this damn chemo brain it has left!

Thanksgiving @ Bopmyspace.com

Tired...

I haven't been posting for the simple reason that there really hasn't been anything to post about. Very uneventful around here. Which is actually a nice change of pace.

I seem to be tired a lot lately. Every once in awhile I am lucky and get a good nights sleep, and yet I still wake up tired. Last night I couldn't sleep at all, plus since I had the Herceptin today, I had to take a Benadryl, which makes me tired. YIKES! I did lay down for a couple of hours this afternoon. I had to.

Off to bed. I basically just wanted to pop on and let you know that I am fine!!

Yeah for a Clean House!!!

I had someone come and clean the house today. Yes, you read that right. I am so happy with the way it turned out. She did such a wonderful job, and it is one less thing for me to worry about! I will not claim to be a great housekeeper, but it was starting to drive me nuts! I haven't been able to get in there and clean really good for awhile. Between surgeries and recovery, treatments, dr appts, running with the girls, and just plain not being up to par yet, cleaning has taken a back seat. Well, now I am happy. I know it won't stay this way long, but I will enjoy it while it does. And the fact that I get all afternoon to enjoy it before the girls come home and begin to destroy it, that is just icing on the cake! This will also help to keep me from doing things I shouldn't be doing. I vacuumed the other night b/c it was killing me, and man did that hurt. I was walking around with my left hand on my right boob while I did it.

Make sure you look at the next post too. It is a slide show of our Halloween pictures.

This past Thursday I had my yearly with Dr. Borders. Left there very sad. I have to find a new OB/GYN. He doesn't take our insurance (it switched last December). He flat out said that they don't pay enough. He has been in this business for 17 years--and doesn't need to work with insurance companies like that. He was the first dr I was ever comfortable with. I really had to keep myself busy the rest of the day so I wouldn't think about it, I was actually tearing up over it. Riverside has a couple of female ob's I will probably call one of them. I should do it soon though, as I am wanting to get these ovaries yanked.

Saturday the girls had their Speech competition. With John working nights he was able to go too, which was nice. Although I am sure he was really tired when he did get home. My mom went with too. I was so nervous for them. I definitely could not have done that at their age. Not too sure I could even do it now! They did AWESOME! I am so proud of them. They did a skit with 3 other girls. While the girls were waiting thier turn, they all looked so nervous, I was getting even more nervous for them. But once they got out there--WOW. I am amazed! I really wish I could have taped it. They got 2cnd place. Which I think is awesome for their first time out. They don't think it is so great of course. You could just tell the whole rest of that day that Jenna was so proud of herself. She was on cloud 9. Haley was proud of herself too I believe, but she didn't show it. Jenna is the one I was worried about. Haley is more outgoing, and has even said she would like to do commercials, or get into acting. Jenna needed this. I was shocked when she said she wanted to do it. And glad. I hope this helps her to not be as shy. Her teacher would have never believed that was her!

Yesterday I showed a home in the area to a couple that Michelle gave my number to. Thank you Michelle. They seemed to really see potential with the house, so we will see what happens.

I am in the process of writing the Christmas letter. I haven't done one for awhile, but feel like I should this year. I am trying not to make it too long.

I am debating going to the YSC conference in Feb. I haven't even talked to John about it yet, as I am not sure I want to go. I mean I want to, but don't really know if I should, or if I could with a clear conscience. It is in Jacksonville, Florida--Feb 22-24th. It would be nice to meet some of the ladies I chat with. It would be nice to hang out with people that know exactly where I am coming from. But, we are going to Vegas the following weekend, and the girls birthday is the 25th. I would be home for their birthday, but would have to have any parties on the 16th or 17th. Which I'm sure they wouldn't mind having their b-day early. I would be gone 2 weekends in a row. Don't know if I really can do that. Although John would be home on the weekend. The girls have that Friday off-So I would need someone to watch them then. If I did go, I think I would fly out Thursday and back in the afternoon on Sunday. But it is so darn far away. Not sure what to do. Never went that far by myself either. So that would be a bit strange. I guess I need to figure this out!

On the YSC bb lately, there has been talk about how frustrating it is that people just don't "get it". They are speaking of the fact that once treatment is done, they are treated as if they are "cured" and that they are "back to normal" or should be. I really hope that no one here ever "gets it". B/c that would mean you have been through this yourself. And I know a few of you already have. This isn't all done b/c treatment is over. Hopefully I will not recur. I am holding onto that and living as if it won't. If--and I do mean if--it does return I will deal with it then. But there will always be that little nagging voice at the back of my head. The plan is to stomp it out most of the time. I will always have the wonderful memories (and yes, I am being sarcastic) and scars from this last year. I am still going through some things emotionally, and don't know how long that will last. I don't feel "normal" yet, and don't know when I will. Maybe I never will. But I will find a new normal then. I am damn sick of surgeries, I can tell you that. I have heard it can take a year for your body to recover after surgery. What happens when you pile four of them into a year? It can also take a year or so to recover from chemo--so where on earth does that leave me?? Just ranting a bit here folks. I wish it was "over". It is slowing down. But, it isn't "over". Just an FYI--I mainly decided to post this for anyone that may be going through all of this crap to know that it is normal to not feel "done" just b/c treatment is.

My left side is still sore on and off. I am really, really trying to be good, but it is so damn hard. I am thinking of taping that arm to my side. It was really bothering me yesterday, but the funny thing is, I thought I was being good yesterday. It was even hurting while I was sleeping. Or should I say trying to sleep. Dr. Borders did recommend Black Cohosh for the hot flashes. I have only taken it for a few days, no relief yet. I guess I should call my onc's office and make sure it is ok to take.

Well, I am off to enjoy the peace and quiet before the girls get home.

Halloween 2007

Oooowwwwie!!

Ok, Ok. I may have done to much. Well actually I have been. But I'll tell you what, I feel so good most of the time, and there is so much to do that it is sooo hard not to do it! I have been going non-stop--so much for taking it easy! I also have been lifting more than I should. It is so much easier and quicker to just do it myself, than to ask someone else, or wait til someone else comes home! Ann came by to drop off the tables, cooler and crock pots after our Halloween party--and I felt like such an idiot standing there watching her unload the stuff!!

Thank goodness this is the last year the girls have a fun fair at school! I was absolutely exhausted afterwards. I had the lollipop tree-sounds easy-but my back was killing me, and I needed a nap when I was done! Didn't really enjoy Halloween like I normally would b/c I was so tired. Oh well, next year they won't have a fair--and Halloween is on a Friday--so that should be awesome! The girls had one of their little friends over to Trick or Treat with, and I was just not in the mood for the extra person around. All the giggling, and talking non stop, and sugar rushes--YIKES!

Thursday I took the girls to school and picked them up. They had parties in their classroom and could bring blankets and pillows, but obviously couldn't bring that stuff on the bus. I also ran up to Spirit Halloween to shop the 50% off sale (plus another 20% off with the email coupon I had). Didn't get a lot--but I figure I can slowly add to my display each year. We had the girls' conferences Thursday night. They are doing awesome of course. Jenna is super quiet. Her teachers can't believe she talks--and I can't believe she is that quiet!! Haley's teacher said she is mature for her age.

No school Friday-we didn't do a whole lot. Jenna went with a friend and her grandpa to run errands, and Haley and I just chilled. Friday night we went to the High School play. It was pretty good. There were a couple of the girls that were really good. One played an older lady that was hard of hearing, and the other a ditz (and she isn't blond). One of our favorite lines from the play "why is everyone staring at me as if I hiccuped in church".

Saturday we went coat shopping. Their last coat lasted them 2 years, so I can't complain. After that we stopped at Grandma and Grandpa W's since we wouldn't be able to go today. Today we had their cheerleading banquet. I think if they are in cheerleading next year we will skip the banquet. It is nice to be able to chat with some of the people, but we really don't need to be there. When they are reading off the kids names, there are way too many people talking to understand what is being said. It is the kids and adults.

Well, I DVR'd Desperate Housewives--I think I will go watch that then head off to bed.

Halloween @ Bopmyspace.com

Halloween @ Bopmyspace.com

Are You Kidding Me????

The new movie "The Golden Compass" is coming out soon. I think it looks pretty good, and I look forward to taking the girls to see it. Well, today I received the following email...

Friends,

You may already know about this, but I just learned about a kids movie coming out in December starring Nicole Kidman. It's called The Golden Compass, and while it will be a watered down version, it is based on a series of children's books about killing God (It is the anti-Narnia). Please follow this link, and then pass it on. From what I understand, the hope is to get alot of kids to see the movie - which won't seem too bad - and then get the parents to buy the books for their kids for Christmas. The quotes from the author sum it all up. I'm going to tell everyone about this movie. I hope it totally bombs because we were all paying attention!
Read the article on snopes below


Urban Legends Reference Pages: The Golden Compass

Go ahead and click on the link!! You won't believe it. I mean, come on, do these people seriously have nothing else to do?? It is a movie for Christ's sake!! It is make believe, imaginary!! Get a life!! I really don't care what the author's beliefs are as long as he (or she) is a good writer. Now if he was using the money from the sale of his books to abuse children or something--then I would boycott. But come on!! Not all of my "beliefs" fall within what most people consider normal. Nothing wrong with that. Just means we are all not clones or robots. Sheesh!! This has actually just piqued my interest in the books. I will have to read them now. And honestly, I must be a little slow on the uptake, but I didn't realize Narnia was about God, I mean if this movie is the "anti-Narnia". I saw the movie and read the book and didn't catch that! I hope this movie is a HUGE success just to piss these yahoos off!

On another note, had my ps appt. yesterday. John went with me. She took the stitches out. That hurt a little. Only really on the left side for some reason. Same as last time. She said everything looks good, and the good news is I can take a bath again!! YEAH!! We had a bit of a time finding her new office--not really that hard to find once you know where it is, but a little tricky beforehand. At least one of the rooms is set up as a surgery room also. I am curious as to what kind of surgery she can do there. I will have to ask her when I go back in a month. She said the tape is the best thing to keep on the incision to help keep the scarring down. Huh, never would have thought of that. I will try it though!

Today was my appt with my oncologist. He didn't really have a lot to say. I need to go get my yearly pap done. Couldn't do it when it was time b/c chemo does weird things to the test I guess. I also need to talk to him (my ob/gyn) about having my ovaries removed. History of ovarian cancer in the family and higher risk b/c of the breast cancer--and with it being so hard to detect, I would just as soon dodge that bullet. Also, I am already going through menopause now, I would like to get the ovaries yanked before my period comes back and I start back at square one with this menopause crap!

Herceptin today too. I was saying something to the nurse about I don't know how I would function if I had to take the Benadryl all the time, it makes me so tired. She said I would have to take it at night. I didn't even think to ask if I could take it the night before for this. I had errands to run today to get ready for our neighborhood bon fire after Trick or Treating and was out of it!! All day actually!

My YSC email newsletter had this cute bag from Urban Outfitters. It is $15, and all proceeds go to the YSC. Click here to see it.

I am off to bed. I need to sleep. I will have to post a pic of John and I dressed up for Halloween soon. Don't know if I'll get a chance tomorrow. More errands, Fun Fair at the girls' school, then of course Trick or Treating. But I will do it soon.

Not Too Bad...

That was my day yesterday. I kept myself busy and didn't dwell on anything--thankfully. John and I took the dog to the vet yesterday morning--his skin is finally looking better. Then we came home and watched Alpha Dog. It was good. I don't always like the gang movies, but this was good. I also am not a fan of Justin Timberlake's music, but I like him. And he was good in this.

In the afternoon I went to Joliet to get my nails done. I wanted them done for Halloween. I had fake ones put on (which I am still getting used to). I think they look pretty cool.

Next I ran to Target. I picked up the Josh Groban Christmas CD. I know, I know, it is too early for Christmas music, but I was afraid by the time it was time for it, I wouldn't be able to find it. I did listen to it on the way home. I LOVE Josh Groban, and I LOVE Christmas music, so what a great combo! I also found jeans on clearance for the girls. They are needing jeans now that it is getting colder. I was hoping that growth spurt would hit before they needed them, but oh well. Hopefully it will hold off now until Christmas. Usually when I am lucky enough to find one pair of jeans in their size on the clearance rack--I either never can find another one, or they are ugly. I found 2 pairs!! Yeah!! And they actually like them.

Next I was off to Spirit Halloween to get my costume. Well, this was the only bit of bad luck I had. They didn't have the costume I wanted anymore. Not even any of the other ones I had thought about. Well, that is what I get for waiting so long to decide. Next time I will get one early.

My last stop was to Barnes and Noble to get some Starbucks. I decided to get one to bring home for the girls to split. On the way out, a young man held the door open for me saying "there you go miss". Then telling me "enjoy your day" after I thanked him. Not something you run into every day!

Not an overly exciting day, but a nice day. A day not spent dwelling on the significance of the date.

I did think of something else I have learned this year--that is to ask for help. This does not mean I am weak, it means I am human. And family and friends are more than willing to help out.

I should explain-I copied my entry yesterday from the bulletin board. That is why the reference to my "stats". My signature on there has all the information about diagnosis etc. Also, the reference to how "odd" it was that I was sitting in Target's parking lot...there was someone who came on the boards talking about how everyone on there needs to quit whining. She claims to have left her mastectomy and went to Target immediately after. So this is a reference used quite often on there.

I have put a link in the right column to the article. To make it a little easier to find.

Took the girls shopping for jeans today. Kohls was having an awesome sale! I also needed to look for not one, but two costumes now. John doesn't have to work tomorrow night, so he will be going with me to Matt and Melissa's. We won't match, but I think we are going to look good!

This has been a bad week for the bulletin board. We lost 2 ladies. One was only 35, an oncologist in Chicago. The other lady didn't post as much, I didn't really know her. We have also had 4 ladies have the beast come back. One lady is 24--this is the 3rd time dealing with this in 2 years.

But on the other hand.....one lady had her baby yesterday!!! Proof that there is life after breast cancer. This is her first baby---a girl. We are still waiting to hear the name!

Enjoy your weekend!

One Year Ago...

I was dx'd.

In a way it is hard to believe it was only a year ago. On the other hand it seems almost like a lifetime ago. I kind of wish I hadn't remembered this until tonight. Now I am sure it will be on my mind all day.

Oct. 13--(Friday)--found lump

Oct 25--dx'd right side.

Nov 14--dx'd left side.

I know it is all there in my stats, I just wanted to write it again for some reason. One year ago, I was trying to occupy my mind, I was out shopping for costumes for the girls. I was in Target's (how odd is that!)parking lot when I got the call from the nurse saying that the dr wanted to see me asap. I fell apart. I don't know how I drove to the dr office--it was 45 minutes away. John offered to come home early to go with me. I told him no. Afterwards I called him back to give him the news we were both expecting, and he came home then to be with me. I remember hearing the love, and absolute fear in his voice. I remember him trying to cover that fear up.

So much has happened this past year. Four surgeries. Rat poison shot into my veins (John doesn't like me to call it that, but it is toxic none the less). Lost my hair, my boobs, my dreams (only for a little while!), I thought I was staring death in the face. I knew the fear a mother knows when she doesn't think she will be around to see her babies grow. I learned just how much love and support I have around me. I learned how strong I could be. I learned that those little everyday annoyances are not important at all. I learned my children could handle more than they should ever have had to at such a young age. I re-learned how much my husband loves me---for me.

This time last year, I couldn't think more than a couple of days ahead. Getting to the other side of this seemed SOOOOO far away. Now I am almost there. About 6 more months of Hercpetin, and a few finishing touches on the foobs, and I will be there. If only this darn hair would grow a little faster! I will obviously never forget. But hopefully it will fade at least a little. I will use my experience to help others know they can get through this. I will use my experience to educate others.

I'm going to try to have an awesome day. I will allow myself to reflect, I don't think I can keep myself from doing so. But I will try really hard to have a day that I can remember in place of the Oct 25 in my memory now.

Thanks for listening!!

Public Restrooms for Women...

Off the YSC Boards.....

OK, GIRLS, IF YOU DONT LAUGH OUT LOUD WITH THIS ONE, YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, however, because the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.

You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't---so you carefully, but quickly, drape it around your neck because Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!

Finally, you yank down your pants, and assume 'The Stance.' In this position, your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday---the one that's still in your purse. (Oh, yeah, the purse around your neck...) That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than the palm of your hand.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

"Occupied!"you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor. Now you lose
your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet, of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper, not that there was any.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew. You're certain that her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, Frankly, dear, you just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl. Of course, that sprays a fine mist of water on your butt, which then runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in, too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you find in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?!?) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!!) It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Newspaper Article...

Here is the link to the article I spoke about. Click here to read it. I will try to watch and make sure the link stays the same. Feel free to leave a comment telling me what you think.

Sometimes....

Thinking of the title is a pain!! I have no snappy title today, sorry folks.

I am doing fine. Was still wired Tuesday--finally was able to sleep good Wednesday. That could be because I took the motion sick patch off, or because I took a sleeping pill. Or I guess it could be a little of both.

Tuesday SIL Ann took me to my drs appt. She said everything looked good. I think I may have hurt her feelings when she took the dressings off, asked me what I thought, and I just kind of stood there looking at myself in the mirror. She had called Monday night to check on me, and sounded really pleased with the way things had gone in surgery. Said she thought this looked natural (or as natural as a 40 yr old with perky breasts can look I guess). I really can't explain how I felt about the "girls" or "foobs" when I first saw them. Yeah, I have boobs, but they still don't look like mine. Of course we still have the nipple and areola to do, so that doesn't really help. As time is going on, I do believe I like them. Although they still have to settle, and the swelling needs to go down. She didn't seem to think there was too much swelling, which is good. To get the total Va Va Voom look, I will still need a bra. The side view doesn't look like much, but, the top view looks pretty good. I am a little more sore on the left side for some reason---Jenny says maybe b/c I am a righty and that side isn't as developed. I was sleeping in bed from the first night--that is a nice change. Didn't really want to be doing the whole recliner thing again! I can somewhat sleep on my side already too. Although the last couple of nights I can't seem to lay on the left, and I can't get comfy any other way--go figure!! I am more sore this week than last week too. Probably have been doing a little more than I should. But I feel so good. Seems really silly to not do stuff. I am completely terrified of ripping those internal stitches. So maybe that will keep me in line. I quit taking the vicodin Thursday morning. I didn't want that to cover any feeling if I was doing too much. I did take a couple Sunday as I was pretty sore then. I was getting a headache from it, and it tends to bind me up. Has to be taken with a stool softener. I get this strange sensation on my back-left side--sometimes too. The only way I can think to describe it is it feels like a piece of tape that popped lose all of the sudden. I asked Jenny about it--she thought maybe a nerve twinge? Makes sense to me. I will have to remember to ask the dr about it though.

Wednesday I started driving. Not a lot, just picked the girls up from school. Oh, I dropped them off that day too so Jenna could work the morning store. Thursday I dropped them off again, I wasn't feeling too great that day.I dropped Haley off at gymnastics, luckily John was able to pick her up. Friday I had an interview for the local paper. It being breast cancer month I had emailed the paper saying that if they were going to do a story, I would be available to talk. Pam-the paper's editor--is also Mom's best friend's daughter. She had actually called to try and set up a time for Friday the 12th-when I was running a ton of errands, or Monday the 15th, which I obviously couldn't do. She was busy over the weekend, so we decided on the 19th. I was still worried that I wouldn't know what to say, but when I got there I seemed to have plenty to say! I probably sounded like an insane person, jabbering away! And of course I thought of more to say after I left her, but the poor lady isn't writing a book! I am not sure when this is supposed to be in the paper. If there is a link online I will post it here. She is also going to do a side bar on the Young Survival Coalition..

Saturday we went to the JR Football Superbowl. This is the first time a Braidwood team has made it to the Superbowl. They were also hosting the event, which was even better. They didn't win unfortunately. We stayed for the game after also. By the time we left it was after 9, cold and I had a headache. I think going to this game may be why I was sore on Sunday, but that's okay!! Sunday we were up at John's Mom and Dad's. By the time we left I was kind of wore out. Definitely sore. I have to wear a sports bra when I sleep, the rest of the day I can take it off. Well I have been wearing it all day--that gets a little old, but it feels better. Last night I switched to a tank with built in bra--I think I will use that for the day and stick with the bra for night.

Last night we took the girls to Spirit Halloween for costumes. Actually, Jenna wants to be a dead hillbilly, so I will have to hit the resale shops for her. Haley found something surprisingly quick. She is going to be a goth chick. I still have to get my costume, I am thinking I am going to be Goth Ann. Think- Raggedy Ann, with black hair and black and white clothes. After a quick trip to Target we went to Apple Bee's for dinner. It was delicious! Again though--sore by the time we get home.

I did the free trial on the Netflix--so I could watch movies while I recuperate. It's pretty nice deal actually!! I have watched~
Vacancy--good movie, nice and creepy scary--not gory.
Disturbia--pretty good also--again, not gory
Wild Hogs--This was cute.
1408--the unrated directors cut version. This was good. I am curious to reread the story now and see how it is different.
300--Really, really thought I was going to like this one. Couldn't get into it at all. I even turned it off before it was done, I can't even tell you the last time I've done that!

I now have Alpha Dog--One I got for John and bumped up on my list b/c he was laid off. And Omen IV. I didn't realize there was a 4. I want to see 3, they seem to play 1 and 2 on tv all the time. With Netflix they don't know when 3 will be available.

John and I were in the attic today. We found the box that had stuff from when the girls were born. My journal to them, extra pics from the hospital--which I gave them some, and the newspaper article from when they were born. They enjoyed that. Haley wants to take it to school tomorrow.

Oh--hair update. It is growing, although not fast enough. It seems to be thick. I combed it all down last night to let it dry that way. I told John if I had blond hair I would look like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby. After she chops it all off. Actually, I just looked for a pic to post here, and my hair isn't even that long yet. Darn! Someone posted this website today with short haircuts. I will have to keep checking it as my hair grows out.

Well, enough for now. I guess I should write more often so I don't have to write so much at a time. You think?? All I can say is thank goodness blogger now auto saves every couple of minutes! While I was writing about the movies, I lost everything!! I could have never remembered what was written. I actually lost it twice--the second time when writing about Mia Farrow. That time I got the IE error. Oh well, at least it was all still here!

Surgery Update

I got home about 2pm today. Doing pretty well actually right now. Don't have huge bodacious ta-tas like I would have liked. Not really sure what they look like yet to be honest with you.

The anesthesia seems to have played a lot nicer today. This could be due to about 4 different things.
1. I ate a pb&j with my double fiber bread (so it would stick with me) last night about 11.
2. Surgery was first thing this morning.
3. They put a motion sickness patch on me. He had said I could leave it on for 3 days--don't think I will need to do that.
4. He said they weren't going to give me the gasses.

I am starting to wind down now, but there for awhile I felt like I was hopped up on caffeine or something. The pain isn't too bad. Just keeping up with the Vicodin for now. My throat is a little sore from the tube they put down your throat.

We got there in good time this morning, and things moved right along. I noticed it was about 7:50 when we rolled into the surgery room. I was freaking out a bit. It is absolutely amazing how fast that ansthesia puts you out! We are talking about the dream I am going to have (sitting on a beach in Cozumel, sipping Pina Coladas brought by the cabana boy) one minute, then the eyes are heavy, then bye-bye me. I was in recovery around 11am, and we left around 1pm. Thank you again Ann for taking me!! I truly appreciate it. When I got back here, I set up the bed and lay down for a couple of hours. When I got up from there I was fine--other than feeling like I may be on speed!! I was in a little pain, so I took the Vicodin, that was at 4 it is 9 now and not too bad. I will take it before I go to sleep though. Not sure if I will sleep in the recliner or the bed. When I was in the bed earlier, I was hogging the whole thing. Not sure if I will be able to get comfortable on just half.

Thank you Mom also, for getting the girls to school and for stopping after school.

Dr. S just called to check on me. She is very pleased with how the surgery went, and is also going to let the anesthesiaolgist know that what he did worked. She said he was really taking care of me, and he must have been! She also told me not to touch the patch and then my eyes--it will make them dialate!! That is good to know.

Oh, and another plus--no drains this time either!! YEAH!!

Okay--off to relax now!!

Tomorrow....

Well, tomorrow is my swap out surgery. I am sort of freaking out about this one. I was pretty much okay with the last one, not sure why this one is bothering me. Other than I am sick of this. I plan on eating a sandwich or something about 11pm (was told nothing after midnight)to see if that helps me get over the anesthesia tomorrow. Hopefully getting in there first thing in the morning will help too.

I have a few more things to get done before I get to relax tonight. If that is even possible. I will probably be taking the Ativan before bed. I will be up and gone at 4:30. My poor, wonderful friend Ann. She offered to take me tomorrow, and it is soooo early.

Will post as soon as I feel up to it. I don't imagine that will be tomorrow, but you never know!

Slowing down a bit???

Cheerleading is done now--Yeah!! Less running around. They got 4th out of 6 squads on Sunday. I thought they did awesome. Especially considering they had girls quitting at the last minute and had to change things. I do agree with the judges that the facials (smiling)was not as good as it could have been. Some of the other squads were definitely better at that. And that their moves weren't nice and tight. What I don't agree with is that their routine wasn't difficult enough. It seemed more difficult than some of the others. I'm not 100% sure this is something the judges said though-I need to check on that. It has been nice this week to not have all the running to do in the evening. I still seem to be doing a lot of it during the day.

I don't need to go through recipe books, or spend all day making dinners--YEAH!! I went to GFS yesterday and got some frozen meals. I mean if this is the stuff that some restaurants serve, it should be good enough. They were around $10 each. I didn't think that was too bad. Ingredients would have cost at least half that! And it saves me having to make them. I got manicotti, lasagna, chicken and dumplings, and chicken fettuccine. Once I get some garlic bread and rolls, we'll be good to go. Plus I still have quite a bit on the gift card that the wonderful people from the office gave me. One less thing to worry about.

I am starting to freak out a little over this surgery. I'm not really sure why. I was ok with the last one, why should this one bother me? I'm sick of surgeries, I do know that. I absolutely hate anesthesia, too. But I will be that much closer to looking normal again. Hopefully they won't put as much pressure on my ribs. Not looking like I'm laying down, even when I'm standing up will be nice too. No more walking like a linebacker! Maybe part of my problem is that I am nervous to see how they turn out. I really don't want to have to do any revisions. More surgery--YUK! I am not getting as big as I would have liked, that kind of bums me out too. Although maybe they will look better than I am expecting. At least they will look right in shirts!! No longer square. She did say she probably wouldn't use any drains, so that is a plus!

On the way home Sunday night, we had a couple of motorcycles pass us and the car/truck in front of us. I don't know what was in front of us b/c they were pulling a huge trailer, and I never really saw the vehicle. The motorcycles and a truck flew around us. I looked at my speedometer, I was doing 58. They had to be doing at least 75. I noticed that the one closest to us was a chick. Well, one of the girls makes the comment that the bikes are loud--dad's isn't that loud. I explain that they are still on the gas and speeding up. Then you hear the engines drop off. Next thing I know the trailer in front of us slams on the brakes. They have their hazards on, I am thinking that something is wrong with their trailer and they are pulling over. As I go around them, I see something in the road. I of course am thinking deer--since there are so many around here. As I look over, I see parts of the bike and someone laying there. The guy is walking back towards this, I don't recall seeing the truck at all. There is a car pulled over and I stopped to ask if she is with them, if she is ok, and if she has a cell phone. She starts to ask me what happened, then realizes I am stopped on the road and tells me to go. I have Haley climb in the front seat to get my phone off the floor (where it fell when I slammed on the brakes). When I call 911 they say that the fire dept. and police are on their way already. Jenna must have said at least 10 times that the person looked like a star (arms and legs spread) and was laying face down. I don't think I truly processed what I had seen until I got home. I am extremely thankful for having such a big trailer in front of us, that we didn't see it happen. The girls seemed okay after about a half hour at home. I took an Ativan that night b/c when I closed my eyes, I saw the scene in my head. I cannot imagine what the person in front of me is going through, or of course those involved in the accident. According to the paper, she did survive (a major miracle in itself--she wasn't wearing a helmet). She is in serious condition. John heard that they are keeping her in a coma for now. Of course now Haley says that she will never ride a motorcycle or want her husband to get one. The paper says the lady hit the back end of a car (the lady I talked to maybe?). No one seems clear on whether the car pulled out in front of her, or if it was just going slow. It is all just another reminder of how things can change in an instant!

Well I am off to get a few things done before my drs appt. I have my pre op physical this afternoon.

Catch up again...

I realize it has been a little while since my last post. There are a few reasons for that. One--it has just been insanely busy between running the girls, dr appts., getting a new truck, and trying to get things in line for the next surgery. Two--the idea of this blog was for it to be somewhat therapeutic. It has kind of lost that. Despite my warning on the side over there, I find myself censoring what I say so as to not upset people, or if I think it would be too much information for some.

I had an appt to have my blood checked on Thursday--this is for my thyroid. That medicine needed to be upped again. This coming Thursday I go back for my pre op appt.
The girls had a dentist appt about a week and a half ago. He wants us to consult with an orthodontist about Jenna. He thinks they may want to put her in braces now. Not a biggie I guess. We knew she would need them--both girls will I'm sure. And she is a little older now. I have a real hard time with braces on a first, second or third grader. I just don't get it--they haven't even lost all their teeth yet. Anyway, they gave us a few names, I will set that up for after surgery.

Cheerleading is coming to an end. Tomorrow is the big competition. They have worked their butts off this week with the extra practices. Tonight they went and had pizza and got their hair done (they have to all look the same!). It will be a long day tomorrow. And unfortunately the high school is not air conditioned--it is supposed to be 90 tomorrow. At least their holding area (the middle school) is air conditioned! I am glad they don't have school on Monday too. Gives them a little down time after all the craziness! They have worked really hard for this (the whole squad has). Believe it or not there have been girls quitting this week (including one that quit this morning--the day before competition)! One week left and they're done! The remaining girls have had to learn new parts to cover those that quit. I cannot believe that these parents let their kids quit like that.

I have been doing some major purging around here--cleaning closets and such. I have thrown away alot!! It feels better just having it done!

I don't have an official time yet, but my ps nurse called to let me know they had finally switched offices and to give me the new number, so I had asked her if she knew when my surgery would be. It kind of sucks having to wait until next Friday to find out. She said her times are usually right and I am in the books for 7:30. So I will have to be there are 6:15-6:30. This won't be official until the hospital calls on Friday. I'm glad it is in the morning. I am wondering if part of the reason the anesthesia bothers me so much is b/c I haven't eaten in so long. So this shouldn't be as bad-maybe. I get a headache, and sometimes queasy if I don't eat. When I said this to John, he rolled his eyes at me. Of course someone that can go days without eating wouldn't understand.

My funk is still here. Of course I have been busy enough that it doesn't effect me too often. I was in a funk when we went to see Wicked. It was pretty good. As much as I didn't like the book, I am almost tempted to reread it now to see if I maybe understand it better.

The girls are in speech. Their competition for that is November 10. So it is a very short season. I hope this brings Jenna out of her shell somewhat. They are also in band. That doesn't start until the 22cnd. I have had a couple of meetings to run to though. Jenna is playing the flute and Haley the clarinet. I told them that I should take piano lessons and we could play together.

Thank goodness cheerleading is done. This week will be a busy one. Just getting the house in order, stocking up, making dinners to freeze, and dr appt will keep me busy!! I have my Herceptin on Wednesday.

Well, I have some laundry to do and a kitchen to clean and then I am off to bed! Cross your fingers that the girls do good tomorrow!!

Desperate Housewives..

Which one are you?? Or for the guys, which one should you marry?

Click here to take the quiz.

I am Susan. I don't mind that at all. I absolutely love Terri Hatcher. Read her book-"Burnt Toast" last summer before all hell broke loose! Her and I are very similar.

I actually consider myself to be a mix between Lynette and Susan.

Bad Attitude...

That seems to be me lately. Nothing I can put my finger on. I am angry, sad, upset, all in one. I can be totally fine one minute and the smallest thing can set me off. Today is better so far--hopefully it will stay that way. I think all of this cancer crap is finally "hitting" me. I have heard from other ladies about a tough time after treatment or when it slows down. I thought I would be lucky and not have that, esp since I have been able to shake most of this off. But I think that may actually be a big part of my problem right now. Maybe all of my problem. I think about all that I have been through, physically, mentally, emotionally, and it just really gets to me. I hope I get past this soon. I usually can shake things off by now. I guess this may be a kind of grieving process I may be going through. If that is the case, I guess it is best to let it run it's course. Otherwise, it will come back to bite me again. It doesn't help that I have been hearing so much lately about ladies with mets. There are a few on the YSC boards that have found out the cancer has come back, or are going through a scare about that right now. I try not to think about this. I try to keep the mind set that I have this beat and it will not be back. But when hearing these stories it is hard to keep that frame of mind. I am coming out on the other side of this, but yet far from done. Hot Flashes due to chemo pause are still an issue, as well as other menopause issues. Who knows if my period will come back or if it is gone for good. Mixed feelings on this. I don't miss it, but feel I am too young for this, and the symptoms suck. But if my period comes back, I will have to go through this all again--I think anyway. My balance is off. Walking down the bleachers at the girls' games, something that should not be a problem, I feel like I may fall. Even stepping down from a step that is a little high. Chemo brain, drs are finally studying this. I can be thinking or talking about something and totally lose my train of thought. Think--knowing someones name, knowing you know the word you want to use, but it won't come out. I know we all go through this, but it happens sveral times a day to me. Think--going to a room to do something and forgetting what that was by the time you get there. Again, everyone does this, but I do it all the time. TMI for some---bowel movements are still not back to normal either. I was a once a day, maybe miss a day type of gal. Now,3 times a day on average.

My girlfriend said the other day that she notices herself being more outspoken since turning 40. This could be part of my problem too. I no longer feel the need to keep my mouth shut to keep others happy. I no longer feel I should let people walk on me to keep the peace. Is this b/c I turned 40?? Or b/c of the cancer, and facing my mortality, realizing that life is too short for this shit??

Ok, enough rambling.

Haley got up this morning and acted as my personal trainer. She does all that conditioning in gymnastics and I need to do something. We did not do the hour that she does sometimes. There wasn't enough time, and obviously I wouldn't be able to do that. It was a good start though. I have about a month until my surgery. I would like to be on the road to losing weight by then. Ten pounds by then would be a good start. I want some strength by then to make recovery easier (not that I had it too bad last time,and this time the girls will be in school and John at work during the week, so I will have the daytime to relax.). I won't be able to use my upper body for much for six weeks. But anyway, I need to lose the weight--but I also want these new boobs to appear bigger. I am "filled" to the max-720 cc's. When I get the implants they will be 800cc's. They are also high profile(stick out more), the expanders are under my arms also (think walking like a linebacker!)and that will all be out front. She is also going to make a "pocket" to put the implant in that will help me look fuller and the cleavage look nice. But....she said to expect a C cup. I guess that is ok, I was hoping more for a large C maybe even a small D. I might as well get something out of this crap! The implants are only made so big though. Another stumbling point in this long road! So, if I lose weight, the boobs start to appear bigger-I can't lose the weight there!

Well, I am off. I have some things to get done this morning so I can hopefully enjoy the pool this afternoon. I am hoping that the water isn't too cold!! Don't forget to check out my next post on finding your pirate name!!

This week is Hithcock week on AMC!!!! They also have a show on Thursday nights called Mad Men. It is kind of quirky--but worth another look. I have only seen it once. I may have to watch some of them On Demand to see if I really like it, or if it is just something to watch when nothing else is on.

Pirate Name

There is a site where you can take a quiz and get your pirate name. Here is mine.....

My pirate name is:

Iron Charity Flint

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Surgery Date

I got the call yesterday--my swap out surgery is on October 15th. I can't wait. Not that I am looking forward to surgery, but I am looking forward to feeling normal again. I am also glad these expanders will be gone. I have been very uncomfortable the past few weeks. Not in pain, just uncomfortable. There is a pressure on my ribs. It makes it hard to find a comfortable position, hard to sleep too. I have been stretching, and sitting in funny positions when no one is around to try and help it. This then leads to my back hurting. But it is almost over!! At least this part anyway.

Had my appt with my cardiologist yesterday. (That still sounds wrong anytime I think of it!). Did the ultrasound first. The lady that does that is so sweet. The first couple of times she was telling me about her sister that had had breast cancer 5 years ago, and how she was doing. Well, yesterday she informed me that the cancer has metastasized in her sister. This is so sad to hear. It can still be overcome, and her sister is bound and determined to beat this. But it really sucks to hear that anyone has to go through any of this again. She has a blog also. Please check it out, and keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

As for my appt--things were fine. The leaky valve is leaking a little less. My ejection fraction number (EF#) is 58. It was 62, but as long as it doesn't go down more than 10 points, it's ok. More than 10 points and you have to stop the herceptin for it to come back up. The EF measures your hearts pumping rate. This and the leak are things she believes will resolve themselves when I am finished with the herceptin.

Well, insurance totaled John's truck. This really sucks. Luckily we have great family and friends that have cars/trucks that he can use right now. That way we don't feel pressured to get something right this second. When you do that you end up-paying to much, getting something and hating it, or getting a piece of garbage. He is in New Hampshire this weekend for...(say it all together now..)..races. Soon he starts the outage and will be working 7/12's. Which cuts down on looking time. I am so grateful that he didn't get hurt, especially since he doesn't wear a seat belt.

The girls and I went to the high school game last night. It was cold!! They were performing at halftime with the HS cheerleaders. They did great. I video taped it, I will have to play around with it and see if I can get closer up on it. If it looks ok-I will try to post it here. I hate to do this, but we left as soon as they were done. I had been sitting out there since about 6 (they were in the school) it was about 9 when they finished. I was freezing!! I am such a wimp when it comes to being cold. I also have a cold, and didn't want that getting worse. When we left the score was 7-7.

The girls have their Homecoming game tonight. It is a night game, their game should be around 6. Hopefully we will be done around 7:30. I really don't want to be getting cold again!

Oh--I almost forgot about the PS appt. You know me, I never say boo--I just accept things and move on basically. Well, I got to the office a few minutes early for my 12:30 appt. This lady walks in behind me, and they inform her that her appt isn't until 2:30. She does this "oh really--I left work, I thought it was now, hmmmmm". They said they would squeeze her in. Then...they take her back first!! I couldn't believe it. Me, on time---her, 2 hours early. Me, waiting---her,going straight back!!! I didn't get called back til 12:45. I know that isn't a long time, but it is the principal of it! When I went back I told the nurse I wasn't happy with that. Yes, she left work to get there, but I do have other things to do too!!! The nurse that runs things came in to apologize, and gave me some chocolate for my troubles. Then I am waiting in there til 1:20 before the dr comes in. The "squeeze in" appt took 45 minutes!! The nurse came in and apologized again and brought me a small bottle of water. Thank goodness, I was starving. I didn't eat lunch, I didn't figure I would be in there that long! My appt took some time between the fill and talking over all the surgery stuff! I didn't get out of there until 2:20! By this time I was getting a terrible headache from not eating. All I wanted to do was get home before the girls (and we had a busy night ahead of us) and eat something. I would take alternate routes knowing that certain routes had construction and would run into more construction!! And people that could not do the speed limit! At one point I was behind someone doing 35 in a 55--and of course I couldn't get around them! AAARRRGHG!!! It felt like I was never going to get home! Obviously I finally did. Oh-- and the nurse apologized on the way out. She said she did make the wrong call on that one, that she didn't think that appt would last anywhere near that long.

On a lighter note--someone from the YSC board posted about this website. Perpetual Kid. You HAVE to check this out. They have some funny stuff on there! They even have a punching bag with a slot to add someones face to it!! It is probably like a kid's punching bag, but I may have to get it. I have really needed a punching bag lately--I think it would be an awesome stress reliever!!

Off to write a note for cheerleading. One month and we will be done with that too!! Yeah!!

Great Start

Well it was a Friday--but not the 13th. Although you wouldn't have know that from the luck John had yesterday morning.

He has to leave for work at around 4:15 am (Yikes!!). Well, around 8 I got a phone call from him saying that he had been in an accident. He is fine thankfully! We are waiting on the fate of the truck however. Not sure if insurance will fix it or total it.

Apparently it was a construction area, and someone in the left hand lane-a few cars ahead of John-stopped for no reason. He only knows this b/c the semi driver had seen it. The car in front of John then stopped. He knew there was no way he was going to stop in time, so he looked to his right, didn't notice anything and tried to swing into the right hand lane. Well, there was a semi there. He thinks he hit the trailer. There was no damage to the semi. John thinks he may have bounced off the trailer and back into the car in front of him. Luckily no one was hurt. The semi driver stayed to talk with the police then headed out--he had no damage to report. The car in front had some damage. And of course John got a ticket b/c he assholed the guy in front. Oh, and the person who caused all of this by stopping in the middle of the road??? Gone. That's right. Whether they realized they caused an accident or not, I don't know, but they left. Real nice huh??

I also am wondering--what on earth do the ins. agents do??? We have never had a claim before, so are totally unsure on how to handle it. We went to the ins office (which was closed for lunch--so we had to wait around an hour--that's small town for you, not even something to tell you when they would be back) and of course the agent isn't there. I have never seen him there. Not that I am in there a ton, but the few times I have stopped in, never there. I realize at most offices, the secretary does a lot of the tedious work. John explains to her what happened and she proceeds to dial the main office or whatever, and hands the phone to John!! We could have done this at home! He is on the phone for 20- 30 minutes answering their questions. Now she did say they would have a lot of questions and it is easier just to have him talk to them direct. So as we go to leave John mentions that if he has any questions, he guesses he could give her a call. She tells him that the main office takes it from here on out! Which is fine, but again leads me back to my original question, what on earth do the ins agents do?? If any of you are ins agents out there, please leave a comment in reply to this.

Well, off to the girls game. They had said it was going to be 77 today. They lied!

Quick Update..

I had another PS appt today. We did the last fill on the right--I have one more on the left to go. (Remember, we couldn't fill the first time b/c of fluid). We are looking at early Oct. for the swap out date. YEAH!!!! It is an outpatient procedure, and on a scale of 1-10 the pain will probably be about a 3-so not bad. The restrictions will be the same as last time though. There will be internal stitches holding the implant in place, and we don't want them to pop! It will be so nice, no awesome, to get this step done!! I haven't had a "normal" body since January. Yes, with the expanders I have bumps that look decent under loose shirts. But they are odd shaped, and a little lumpy, so wearing tighter shirts really isn't an option right now. And with getting the surgery done the first part of Oct. my lifting restrictions should be up right around Thanksgiving. Which would be good, we all know how crazy it gets after that!! It will be a year in Oct since all of this has started, it will be nice to be basically done, and start working on putting this behind me.

I will fill in more details at a later time, for those interested. Right now we need to eat.

Can I Tell You....

I really like going to the High School football games. Last night was an absolutely beautiful night out too. It did get a little chilly in the end, but you couldn't ask for better football weather. It didn't look too good during most of the game, Dwight scored early, but in the last couple of minutes they pulled it off and won the game! Same as last week. 7-6.

Did not sleep well at all again last night. Didn't want to take the Ativan as I had taken it for two nights and wanted to see what happened. Well, I fell asleep for about a half hour, then woke up and had a hard time sleeping the rest of the night. This really sucks! If I get woke up because of hot flashes or anything, it takes me FOREVER to fall back asleep. And the worst is when I just dose off and get woke up. I am going to have to break down and call the dr. I need another dr appt like I need a hole in my head! But I do need to sleep. I can get quiet cranky if I am tired.

Poor Scrappy. I'm not sure what is wrong with him. He has been itching at his eyes and they now look real nasty. He has also been licking/chewing his feet, and just doesn't seem like himself. I have an appt for him Tuesday. Hopefully he doesn't go crazy before then. The girls had Alivia spending the night last night, and Scrappy bit her! I still can't believe it!! I mean I know it is true, but is so unlike him. He didn't break the skin, which is good. At least I don't think he did. Alivia says he didn't, but the bite is on her butt and she wouldn't let me see it.

The girls have a game today, then we are off to help Susie and B move into their new house. John is up there now. Of course by the time we get there-it will probably be done!

I did get in to clean out the pool yesterday. It actually ended up being pretty nice out. With all these leaves falling I will have to get in there again tomorrow. So tough!!

Back to school...

Again. The girls had a full day of school last Thursday, then Friday off because the power was off. Those storms that rolled through were wicked! And such a wide area was affected. I drove into it coming home from my ps appt. I actually pulled off the road for a minute, but decided being parked by big trees could be a bigger mistake! All in all we were lucky. We only lost power for maybe 15 minutes, no tree limbs down or other damage. The sirens did go off. John went to get Haley from gymnastics, and Jenna and I stepped outside to see what it looked like. In front there were some clouds swirling around--very creepy. In back there were some swirling a bit, and there was what looked like the eye of a tornado. I tried to get picks--don't think they turned out real well though. We had the crawl space ready to get into, luckily we never needed it.

Saturday the girls had a game in Momence. It felt like the longest game ever!! The weather was a little goofy--rain/sun/rain/sun.... That night we went to the high school game in Wilmington. It was a good game. Reed Custer won 7-6.

Tuesday was off to see the onc and get the Herceptin. Always fun! I told him about the hot flashes--he prescribed Effexor. I tried this, it makes my mouth taste like shit--like on chemo--and makes me very queasy--again, like on chemo. I think I will take my chances with the hot flashes--I can't stand feeling queasy all the time. I do need something for sleep though. I have been taking the Ativan the last two nights and have passed out. And slept all night. I will have to talk with Dr. C about this again. One of his suggestions to try before meds was walking, well I am walking 3 miles 2-3 times a week. I am going from the time I get up, til the time I try to go to sleep. Before all this crap, I could have a much more relaxed day and still sleep all night with no problem.

It is 79 right now. I am hoping the sun stays out for awhile so I can get the pool cleaned out without freezing.

Tonight we have the high school game--the JR Comets will be introduced between JV and Varsity games. Then they have a game tomorrow.

Enjoy your last official weekend of summer!! I know I plan to!

Where to begin...

Okay...Okay... I know, it's catch up time again.

I left off the last entry saying that John was up to something with the Kenny Chesney tickets--he had gotten us section 101 row 2 tickets! Great seats! I took a lot of pictures, and some actually didn't turn out too bad. Ann, Cindy, and Melissa went with. We had a great time. We really need to have girls nights out more often. The tailgating before was fun also--time to just relax! We didn't sit down for Pat Green, none of us had really heard of him--and we were on a mission to get drinks. Sugarland was good, Kenny ROCKED (can you say that about a country singer?)!! While still tailgating...we had made a trip to the wonderful out houses. On the way back, I noticed someone bent over my car, using the trunk for a table. As we walked up I asked "Why are you writing on my trunk??" Well then I realized it was a police officer, not that that makes it ok. His reply was that he wasn't "writing" on my trunk, but if I wanted him to move, he would. So of course I said "yes". That is why that pad has a cardboard back--so you can hold it in your hand and write. Oh well---back to the partying!! I haven't really drank in awhile. Made up for it a little that night. But surprisingly I didn't feel bad the next day. Relax....Ann drove to her house, and Cindy drove from there. I must admit too, that I tried to use the cancer card to get backstage. Didn't work unfortunately. It has to be good for something though right?

Jenny and Susie did their walk that weekend too. It was hotter than hell!! And I guess on the last night they had to evacuate their tents because of a storm. Most of the walk wasn't in Chicago, most people were surprised at that. Susie ended up with heat rash and Jenny had several toes bandaged due to blisters. Jenny (God love her..) when people would complain about the walk, she would say..."It's better than having your boobs chopped off!" Or something similar. I would imagine that shut everyone up!! I still think it was incredibly awesome of them to do this in my honor.

This past weekend we went to Great America. I didn't book a room ahead of time, thinking that if we got all the park done in one day we wouldn't need a room. Note to self....next time just book the room and use it, even if just going home the next morning. We did find a room, it just would have been nice to be able to go directly there, instead of driving around looking. Friday night the "Plain White T's" had a free concert. We did have to go get wristbands first thing though. Then we were tied up from about 4:30 to 8:30 with the concert. It was pretty good. Wonderful weather that day--not too bad of lines either. Saturday was gloomy. We wanted to hit Superman first, but the line was already pretty long, so we hit other roller coasters and pretty much got right on. Batman, Deja Vu, V2, Raging Bull, And Iron Wolf (I skipped that one--never liked it--even when it was Shock Wave--jostles you around too much). We also hit one of our favorite rides--The Giant Drop. Awesome!!! Then we went back and stood in line for Superman. Almost 2 hours later we got on the ride. WOW!! It ..... is........AWESOME!!!! Would love to go at a slow time to ride over and over--or maybe even get the front car. I had gone online and got the tickets--$15 off each---plus buy 3 get 1 free. For the tickets for the second day, they were $20 each. Saturday was a little chilly too. It did start raining about 3:30, so we headed on home. I was wiped!

Haley has now decided that she is going to be a vegetarian. She is just not eating meat. Animal by products are still ok. I have to say I am impressed (and proud). While at Great America, she could have easily given in, or decided she wasn't starting until Monday. Food choices were slim there. She did ok though, she had cheese fries the first day. The second day she shared Mucho Nachos with John, and picked off the meat.

The girls are of to school in the morning. They need it I think. They are nit picking at each other constantly. I am thinking Friday I may enjoy some nice quiet time in the pool. If something comes up Friday, then I will plan it for Monday. I have a dr appt. tomorrow--so that is out.

Ok--off to bed. We aren't used to this school schedule, we will all be hurting I think!!!

Okay, Okay...

I know it has been quite awhile since I have posted. I really have not felt like sitting at the computer lately. And I also hate writing with people looking over my shoulder. Since it is summer--it is a lot harder to write without someone interrupting or reading over my shoulder.

Had another Herceptin Tuesday. Yesterday I would have sworn that they gave me the wrong stuff. My stomach was very queasy. The timing was the same too. Must have been a coincidence though. Today I feel great.

I had my 5th fill. The last 2 times have not hurt/been uncomfortable at all. The expanders are square, so I am oddly shaped if I wear a tighter shirt. They extend under my armpit more than they normally would. I also have a corner sticking out on the right side.

We went to the Harry Potter party to get the new book. It is a good book, I think she tied things up well. I was a little upset at a few things that happened, but what can you do? It will make an excellent movie. Now I plan to go back and read the whole series over.

Took the girls to the American Idol concert Tuesday. They had fun. Half those kids are mediocre (they are better than me obviously--but I don't' think they are good enough to be on tour). The rest were good. Gina is from Naperville, so this was her "home town" stop, her boyfriend came on stage and proposed. It was pretty cool.

Cheerleading has started again. We are running most nights and half the weekend. There have been some REAL hot practices too. My neighbor Ann and I have been walking the track during practice. Although, this week I missed. I think I may have possibly over done it last week. Between the walking, playing around in the pool and general running around, I was not feeling too great. It is amazing how wore out I can get. Kind of pisses me off actually. I have heard some people say that weren't back to normal for 1-3 years. That just seems so long!!

Tomorrow is the Kenny Chesney concert. John is up to something with this. I had to sell my seats--so the obvious assumption would be he got better seats. I have no clue where they are though. It is a girls night out to celebrate my birthday. Five years or so ago I decided I wanted to go to Mexico to celebrate my 40th birthday. Well, with all that has been going on this year, it obviously wasn't the best time to go. Then I heard that KC would be in town on my birthday weekend and decided that would be the best way to celebrate. John is at races with his dad, so.. girls night out. SIL Ann, Melissa and Cindy are going with me. It will be a blast! I bought a cheap cowboy hat at Target to wear over my bandanna!

Well, I am off to get the girls in bed and enjoy a quiet evening!!

Tomorrow...

Wow, where has this week gone!! I took the girls to see Harry Potter Friday in 3D--it was good, awesome on the big screen. Only about 15-20 minutes towards the end was in 3D though. I would have liked more of it to be. Luckily I called the other theater before heading over to see the "Weasley Twins". The lady told me you had to buy movie tickets there to see them. Now, wouldn't you think the first guy would have told me that? I thought it was something they were doing separate. So--no pics! Then we ate at the worst Popeye's. We all hardly ate any of our food.

Saturday we took it easy. John was at the races (BIG race weekend). The girls helped me straighten up the house--then we went in the pool for awhile. With the cooler nights, the pool has cooled off a little.

I had to go for my Herceptin Tuesday--the benedryl I have to take beforehand knocks me out!! The last couple of days have been crazy busy--in a good way.

The girls started cheerleading Monday. Off we go again~! I am sharing the team mom with another mom--long story.

Tuesday the girls went to the HP program at the library. They have waited 3 years to be old enough to do this. They seemed to really like it. They were taught some magic tricks, and brought the stuff home to do the tricks. Haley also won the 7th Harry Potter book in a drawing. We have to pick it up after Saturday. Again, they don't know about the blog, so if you say anything to her, tell her I told you.

We will be going up Friday to get the new book-my copy. I'm not sure yet if we will miss cheerleading, or go after. It turns out that half the girls will be gone for the festival in town anyway--so it will be a wasted practice pretty much. I am not going to want to do anything but read this weekend!! I will be sneaking in as much reading as possible. I have about a 100 pages left in my reread of book 6.

I really hope sleep is not an issue tonight. The last few nights, between the storms and the hot flashes, not a whole lot of sleep going on.

Tomorrow I have an appt for another fill. Hopefully we can do both sides. I try to be good--but usually find myself stretching farther than I should and lifting things that maybe I shouldn't. I may be heading up this time myself. Which is really not a big deal. I know John likes to be there with me, but this one is at 5--so he will need to take the girls to cheerleading. The rest I think we'll be okay on.

Well, I am off to take a shower (if the dr says tomorrow that I still can't take a bath-I don't think I am going to listen to her- this is driving me nuts!), and then hopefully to sleep!!