Cancer Sucks!

One of my friends from the YSC boards passed away last night. She was surrounded by her family and was peaceful. But I am so sad and pissed off right now. She was about 33, left behind a wonderful hubby and son. I don't remember how old Danny is, but I am thinking around 3.
Cathy was known as Mama Cath on the boards. She kind of took the newer ladies under her wing. She had a great way of looking at things too. This is from a post she had in June o6;

It's happening again.


Every once in a while the board goes through a really tough time. Our hearts break for our sisters whose cancers are spreading at frightening rates. We see their selfless, innocent posts that detail the cancer taking over. How they feel, what they're thinking. What they need. The struggle, the powerlessness, the strength and courage.

I just wanted to pull all you newbies in close and let you know that we've all been there and you are probably absolutely freaking out right now. Chemo has beaten you up, you feel like a shadow of who you used to be. Tired, depressed and overwhelmed.

You may even feel guilty because you are not only sad for these beautiful women, but you are sad FOR YOU. You see yourself in every one of these women that becomes so very sick and then loses the battle.

It's normal to feel this way and it's OK. We understand and so do they. Your mother may not, your husband may not. your friends may not, but we do.

And there's nothing wrong with feeling sad and getting angry. But please remember that the odds are that YOU are going to get better. YOU are going to get your hair back and start to feel well again. YOU are going to get back to the life that you want to lead.

So if you are checking the boards incessantly right now, reading the latest post, then sobbing and then going back for more.....been there too. You are grieving....this disease is not fair....it's disgusting and ugly and perverse. And it's so much more unfair to certain sisters than others. And there's nothing fair about that.

So grieve for them. Grieve for you. And then remember that you will get better.

Love,
cathy

I can't begin to tell you how many women that post has helped, and continues to help. Cathy was dx'd in April 2005 at the age of 30. January 2007 she was dx'd with mets to the liver, lungs and bone. She was posting on the board up until about a month ago. She had planned on going to the conference in Florida this year, but had to back out as she wasn't feeling up to it.

I wish I could have met Cathy in person. But I feel extremely privileged to have known her in any capacity.

Be sure to check the next post for pictures of Cathy. I can't figure out how to put them in this post the way I want.

Pics of Cathy

Cathy, Dan and Danny

Playing in the Rain

Although living in Texas now, Cathy is originally from Chicago. This is a picture of her there from her last visit.

Cathy and Danny at a Sox game.

Migraines...

..and sleeplessness.

I was out running errands yesterday and started getting a headache. I was hoping to finish what I was doing before it really hit. I was not so lucky. I hadn't eaten, so I thought that may help. One the way home I stopped at Burger King. However the smell made me feel worse. I did have some of that migraine medicine in the car that the dr gave me, I took that. You are supposed to take it when the headache starts, so I waited a little too long. I was not sure I was going to make it home without throwing up. Somehow I did. Thankfully. That headache did finally fade, but didn't go away totally until about 8 last night. I ended up taking some Excedrin Migraine also. Then....I couldn't sleep. That always makes for a fun night. At least we didn't have to get up for school today.

So, a little tired today, but no headache.

Yuk, Yuk, Yuk

I am so damn sick of this weather. Sunshine and warmth, where are you?? I have seen tons of robins--where is Spring?? The girls even called me into Jenna's room the other day to show me the 20 or so robins in our front yard! I really hope it warms up for the girls next week, they will be on Spring Break.

I am not feeling the greatest today. Not sure if I am trying to catch something, or if I ate something that got to me last night. I guess it doesn't much matter-either way, I'm not feeling well.

I had a follow up conference call with Pasha and Christine today. It was basically just to talk to me more one on one--get my "story" to make a better match. They did ask that I post about the POC on the BB to help get the word out.

One more day until the girls are off for a week. I need to go get their Easter basket stuff. Shouldn't really take that long as I don't plan on getting alot of stuff.

Robin Watch....

It is that time of year again, time to start looking for robins, and hoping Spring isn't far behind. Last year I saw the first robin on March 6th. This year was a little later, March 13th. This has been one long, cold winter. I will be so glad when it is gone.
I have been watching for the robins for awhile now, hoping for the end of this winter. Nothing. Dad had 12 in his yard the first weekend in March. While in Indy I saw one on the bush as I was walking out to brush snow off the car. (These don't count, as they weren't in my yard.) But nothing here. Then as I was cleaning house Thursday, I happened to glance out the window and there he was, in our front yard. Since of course, I have seen several more. YEAH!!!!

On another note, I had my appt with the cardiologist yesterday. I went in prepared for her to yell at me for not doing more to lose weight. I was wrong. She mentioned the 5 lbs I did lose, then told me that it is not unusual for breast cancer patients to gain weight. She asked if we talked about exercise last time. I told her that we did. She told me that when I do start working out, I will not build muscle as fast as I used to. Another lovely gift of cancer--in particular the adraimycin I had during chemo. This can stay in your body for 2 years. And is in every part of my body. Lovely! I asked her if that could lead to fatigue--she said yes, definitely. Another thing that can lead to the fatigue is the leaky valve in my heart. (By the way, my heart looked the same, it hasn't gotten worse, and she is confident that this will reverse itself once I am finished with the herceptin.) Cancer, the gift that keeps on giving--NOT! Thanks alot! She said that for her, she felt about 85% back to normal about 6 months after finishing the herceptin. One year later, she was back to her former self. So, Next April I will be back to my former self (will I recognize me?? LOL). In Oct. hopefully I will be close. Something to look forward to. Of course, she doesn't talk about this stuff at the one appt that John went to. Then she had to talk about weight and exercise, and what I should be doing in those areas to avoid a recurrence.
We also talked about ports. I want mine out ASAP after the last herceptin. The chemo nurses had said Dr. S likes to keep them in for 6 months to a year usually. No freakin way. I hate this thing, it will have served it's purpose--out it goes. It is tipping sideways, uncomfortable at times, and getting a little harder to access. IF I ever need one again (and I am going on the thought that I won't) then, they can put it back in. This one would probably be flipped around backwards by then. It also pinches my nerves at times. It needs to come out. Dr. B (cardiologist) said she got hers out right away. And understands where I am coming from. She felt how it is tipping too.

Still have a few surgeries in my future. I have to get these ovaries out. Of course, first I have to find a new ob/gyn. Then I do believe I am going to have the other Dr. S (plastic surgeon) fix my boobs. She did a great job at making them look natural. Problem is, that I don't want them to look natural. She had said if I decided to get them fixed she could probably just tighten up the pocket. I really want to do that. After all I had to go through, I want good boobs. Ones I don't have to wear a bra with. I feel like I have to now. The tanks with the built in bras, I don't think I will be happy with the way they look on this summer. I am going to wait until Fall though. I don't want to miss out on any swimming time this year. I also have to get this port out. I don't know if that is counted as a surgery though, as I have heard that it can be done in the office.
The fun never ends!

Oops, Forgot Something Again.

While I was driving to Indy this past weekend, one of the best all time songs came on, "It's a Great Day to be Alive" by Travis Tritt. The words are at the end of this post. It is just a great belt it out loud song, that just happens to have great lyrics also. I had a feeling when I heard that on the way there that it would be a good weekend.

It's a Great Day to Be Alive

I got rice cooking in the microwave
Got a three day beard I don't plan to shave
And it's a goofy thing but I just gotta say
Hey, I'm doing alright
Yeah I think I'll make me some homemade soup
Feelin' pretty good and that's the truth It's neither drink nor drug induced
No, I'm just doin' alright

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

It's been fifteen years since I left home
Said good luck to every seed I'd sown
Give it my best and then I left it alone
Oh I hope they're doin' alright
Now I look in the mirror and what do I see?
A lone wolf there starin' back at me
Long in the tooth but harmless as can be
Lord, I guess he's doin' alright

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

Sometimes its lonely
Sometimes its only me and The shadows that fill this room
Sometimes I'm fallin', desperately callin'
Howlin' at the moon

Well I might go get me a new tatoo or
Take my old Harley for a three day cruise
Might even grow me a fu man chu

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

Training...

This past weekend I made the trip to Indianapolis for Point of Contact Training for the YSC . This is training to learn how to take phone calls from ladies that contact the YSC. Haley had asked "why does it take two days to learn how to take a phone call". I have to admit I was wondering the same thing. But there is actually a lot to this learning to listen. How to word things, and making sure that you give just enough information about you that you connect with the caller, but not so much that you take over the phone call.
The training was run by a couple of wonderful ladies-Christine Benjamin and Pasha Hogan. I must admit, Christine intimidated me a little at first, although I quickly got over that. Pasha I was immediately comfortable with-she seems to share many thoughts/ ideas that I have.
Unfortunately there was a lot of role playing. This I don't like at all. I understand the idea behind it. It does help some I guess. However, it is completely different than a real call. For one thing, you aren't at home in a comfortable environment (which they did say also). For another, you have distractions and people listening to you. And lastly, even though I had just met these women Saturday-I still had a sense of them. Where when I make one of these calls, the other person will be a completely blank slate.
I went down Friday night. Earlier than originally intended. I was wanting to get there before it snowed too much. The ride down was great. Went by faster than expected. Of course the 70mph speed limit helped that! Then about 20 miles out (and 2 minutes after John had called) I hit the snow. It was snowing pretty hard and blowing. I had a hard time finding the hotel --they didn't have a big sign like I thought they would. I also was paying attention to all the drivers around me. When I finally got there I was so glad. And I have to say I was impressed. At the advice of the Indy ladies, I pricelined the hotel. I had never done this before. I didn't like the idea of not knowing which hotel it was, and you can't cancel once it is set. But, any hotel I checked into was $100 a night and you lost the first night if you cancelled, so I gave it a try. Per their advice, I put in three star-and the area, my price was $35 a night. It rejected that and said I had to go up at least $9 to try again. So I did. I got the room for $44 a night. $108 total-tax and everything. I was pretty happy about that. It would be staying at the DoubleTree. Then I get there and it is a two room suite (living room, bed room). Very nice room. I will definitely be using Priceline again.
There was another lady from the Chicago area going. Her name is Laura. Haley keeps calling her Laura from Auroura. We stayed separate Friday night, but shared a room on Saturday. We got along great, very comfortable with each other.
The Indy ladies hosting the training were great. Everything was wonderful. You know when you go to an area where they all know each other, you are worried if they will accept you or if you will feel like an outsider. No problem with this what so ever. I am hoping to keep in touch with these ladies and possibly go to a couple of their events.
Sunday I was starting to get a migraine. I took the new medicine the dr prescribed, and thankfully it worked. (Thankfully I remembered to put some in my purse too!) I wish I could do away with these migraines altogether.
Alex from the YSC was also there. She is the one who will be matching the caller with a volunteer. She is soooo sweet. She had a baby post bc and he was there with her-man is he a cutie!! The biggest eyes!!
This weekend--no travel plans. The girls and I are going to a few high school musicals. Braidwood and Wilmington always do it on the same weekend. Braidwood is doing "Once Upon a Mattress" and Wilmington "Jekyll and Hyde". No travel plans though. It was a nice break, but I like to be home.

Flavor Flav, Lions and Sleepy Time..

I forgot to mention a couple of things about Vegas. In 15 years of going there, we have never seen anyone famous. The lady next to me on the flight out had even asked me that. Well, I guess we can't say that anymore. While waiting for our car at the Planet Hollywood Resort, there were some ladies all excited and getting their picture taken with someone. I looked down the counter and mentioned to John that that must be someone famous. He looked down and said "yeah, it's Flavor Flav". I looked again, and sure enough he had the big clock hanging around his neck. John mentioned something about how we should get our picture taken with him. But neither of us really wanted to bother someone while they are out being "normal". And honestly, I'm not a fan. If it had been someone I really liked, I may have had to bother them. Of course if Flavor didn't want to be recognized, he could always take that huge clock off his neck. So maybe he wants to be seen. He was driving himself (this surprised me for some reason). He had a Monte Carlo, I think John said it was a late 90's model-sparkly blue. Not just metallic, it was sparkly.
The other thing I forgot to mention was that the MGM now has a lion habitat inside. I found this on my way to the Tropicana on Sunday. It is pretty cool. They have glass tunnels for you to walk through the habitat, allowing you to get closer. I couldn't get a good pic-with flash, didn't work, and without I was getting my reflection back in the window. So I took some video. I can always snag a photo off of that.
Tuesday, our first day back, I had a Herceptin appt. I was already tired, and crashed while getting my infusion. Then came home and took a nap that afternoon. I am so tired of being tired. Two more to go, then hopefully my body adjusts back to normal.

Birthdays, Bon Jovi, and Bodies

That is what has been keeping me busy lately.



Birthdays....The girls had a good birthday this year. It is so hard to believe that they are 11. It has definitely gone by fast. That Friday they had their kid party. They had invited 3 friends each to spend the night. In the end only 3 total could make it. They ate pizza, played Dance Dance Revolution, and checked out schoolmates MySpace pages (I have to admit a few of those scared me, these girls are only 11--and what some of them have on their MySpace is just wrong). They also played a game where one of them was blind folded and put make up on another one. I think everyone had fun. Jenny came down to help me keep my sanity. This year actually wasn't too bad. They kind of did their own thing. And once they all settled in to the living room for the night, I put a dvd in my laptop, plugged in the headphones and didn't hear them. It was kind of nice.

Of course we pretty much took the next day to recuperate. Then Sunday was the family party. John had just gotten off nights that morning and wasn't feeling well. But I think the girls enjoyed themselves. Now I get to take them shopping with their gift cards and such.

On Monday, the girls' actual birthday, was pretty low key. The girls had volleyball after school. Then they got their presents from us. (Which they had been trying to get out of us for the past few days.) No new cake--we still had 2 partial cakes from Sunday and a big cookie from Friday's party.



Bon Jovi--Tuesday night was the Bon Jovi concert. I have been a fan of his since the 80's. He is one of my all time favorites (and so damn hot!). John had gone to the dr earlier and found out he had an upper respiratory infection, so he decided not to go with me. Ann (H) had said awhile back that she wanted first dibs on the ticket if he couldn't go for some reason. So Ann and I it was. We made great time getting up there. I didn't know for sure where the seats were until we got there, as I had gotten them through the fan club. We find the FC table and get our tickets..row 19 sect 3. Not as close as I would have liked, but still good seats. Once we sat down though, I realized they weren't bad seats at all!! They were actually quite good. And we were right by the side stage he would be coming out on later! Chris Daughtry opened for him. I got good pictures during this, and the first half of Bon Jovi. Then... I dropped my camera!! It wouldn't work after that. DAMN!!! This was before he hopped on the side stage!! Oh, well, it did let me concentrate on the concert and not on taking pics. I have found someone online (you tube) that took video that had to be sitting right where we were. They have agreed to burn me a copy of the videos they have when they get a chance (yeah!!). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SPVdJ3BELY This is a link to one of the videos. We were that close!! It was sooo awesome! He first popped up on that stage (even though I KNEW he was going to), My heart started racing! He picked a girl that was right behind him to come up with him. He danced with her, whispered in her ear, gave her a kiss, and smacked her ass. I think I would have fainted! It was an awesome concert. The energy in the place was unreal. And the band played songs not usually on the set list. Songs that not everyone would know. This was nice. Jon and Chris Daughtry sang "Blaze of Glory" together and it ROCKED! Bon Jovi played for almost 3 hours, and he never stopped moving! There was a Tribune review after the Saturday night show that said they were getting old and lethargic--He definitely proved them wrong! This was Ann's first Bon Jovi concert, and I think she is looking forward to the next one. Me, I wish I had been one of those people I had made fun of that went to all three Chicago shows.



Bodies--this was part of our Vegas trip......that review follows.....



Tonight I have to head off to Indianapolis. I am going for YSC Point of Contact training. This is the closest they will be. And though I want to do it, the timing stinks, I really don't want to go again this weekend. At least the girls will have their dad here.

Our Vegas Trip

Started off kind off bad, but we ended up having a great time.

Thursday--Lori and Jimmy came to pick us up. Our fight is at 9:55 pm. We got through security and everything really fast. We ended up with almost 2 hours before our flight took off. We went to a Chili's in the airport, our waitress was terrible. She seemed to get everything wrong, and gave us a little bit of attitude when she did. And I swear whatever drink you ordered she said "Bud Lite". Of course when a Bud Lite was ordered, she might bring a regular Bud.
We get on the plane, I am in the middle seat, John is on the aisle. The lady next to me is very nice-this is her first trip to Vegas-but she is bigger. She was part way on my seat. I could not really move for the whole flight. Normally you need to at least do the butt cheek shuffle to stay somewhat comfortable. I couldn't even do that. It was THE longest flight EVER!
We land, (finally) and go to get our luggage. This is almost midnight Vegas time. Our bigger bag is trashed! It is ripped at the seams. So off to the AA office we go. They were very nice, and it was handled quickly. Luckily nothing was missing, they gave us a new hard top suitcase (most definitely worth more than the one we lost). They have baggage in the back that they ordered just for when this happens.
Next we need to get our rental car. We had reserved a Luxury (John wanted a Cadillac), they asked if we wanted a deluxe luxury, -no thanks. Then the total came up to way more than I had been quoted. When I questioned this and gave her the total I was told, she disappeared for awhile. When she finally came back she said the difference was because it was after midnight. Well, number 1 I told them when I reserved it, we would be there after midnight. Number 2-us getting there any later than intended was not our fault. So they give us our price. Finally. When we go out to pick up the car, there are no luxury left--we have to take the deluxe! So, she tried to get us to pay for the deluxe, when we didn't need to.
Then we go to the hotel, Treasure Island, and check in with no problem--thank goodness. Lori, Jimmy, Ann and Jim had taken a limo back to the hotel. They got there in about 20 minutes. We got there around 2 am Vegas time. John and I decided to walk around a bit --so we went to check out the new Palazzo across the street. Either we missed something, or there isn't alot there. I wasn't real impressed. Then it was time for a few hours sleep.

Friday--Breakfast in the hotel--not the nicest waitress--we seem to be on a streak here. Afterwards we went to the tickets 4 tonight booth to see if we could get some tickets for a burlesque type show. This booth has tickets for 30-50 % off. We got seats to Crazy Girls at the Riviera. This show has been in Vegas for 20 years. But trust me, if you haven't seen it, don't waste your money. This was not a burlesque show, it was a striptease routine--with the girls already being nearly naked. Totally not what we were looking for. It was bad. Had I known going in that this is what it would be, it might not have been so bad. I like the old time Vegas shows---sexy is good. Slutty is not. Anyway, we walked around checking out hotels after getting the tickets. I had a voice mail to call John's mom-who had the girls. It seems that Haley was sick--throwing up all night. She kept her home from school. Haley called a few times throughout the day, wanting me, wanting to go home. I can't say that I blame her. I felt so bad. That evening, Ann, Jim, John and I went to dinner in the Steak house at the Riviera, that was good!!!! Then off to the show. After the show we went back to the Mirage to walk around. I was getting a little bummed because they seem to keep changing these hotels. We were looking for a lounge act to watch (even a lousy one can be fun to watch). But with all the clubs in the resorts now, they don't seem to have the lounge acts as much. So off for a couple more hours of sleep.

Saturday--Called home and Haley answered--sounding 110% better than the day before --thank goodness! John and I headed out to the outlet mall. They have a Vans outlet there that John likes to check out. We got a few things there, then headed over to the Skechers store. I got the shoes I was looking for and a pair of sandals for the price I would have paid for just the first pair here.
Next we went up to the mountains. From the strip to the Mt. Charleston Lodge was a 28 degree difference. We had a couple of drinks up there, I bought Christmas ornaments from the Christmas store and we were off. It was way more crowded going up the mountain than it ever used to be. I was wondering why we were there, I can see cold and snow at home! On the way down we stopped at the Mt. Charleston Hotel for a drink.
Next we went to the Planet Hollywood hotel. This used to be the Aladdin. I didn't think I would like it, as I liked the Aladdin so much. But it was pretty awesome. I wouldn't mind staying there sometime. We walked around the mall area. There is a gallery there that John likes, Michael Godard--he is pretty cool. He has a Breast Cancer picture that we were looking at. Afterwards we headed to Freemont Street. Always fun and cool. There are usually street performers. This being Nascar weekend though, it was packed!! Insanely packed. We watched the BMX guys, then the motorcycle stunts. Blake Shelton was giving a free concert on the street. When we left, my feet were killing me. I made the mistake of wearing my new shoes. Comfy at first--but not broke in yet.

Sunday-Race Day-John and the gang left at around 8 am. My original idea for the day was to go to the spa for a massage. I decided there was too much I wanted to do though, so I passed on the massage. I went to the lobby to see everyone off. Then back up to the room. I called home, and hooked up to the internet so I could email the girls some pics. I had to wait until the Tickets for less booth opened. I went over to the Mirage again to look around. It didn't bother me that it had changed this time. I was taking lots of pics to show the girls. (John had gotten my camera working again--and so far so good.) I went to the Cirque Du Soleil Love store. This is the store for their show using Beatles music. They had some neat stuff in the store. I bought the cd--which is what I went there for. Back to the hotel to drop it off....then on to get my tickets. I wanted to see the Titanic exhibit and the Bodies exhibit at the Tropicana. I wanted to see the wax museum at the Venetian also, but didn't know if I would have time. I'm glad I didn't get those tickets, I would not have had time. It took me two hours to go through the Titanic exhibit. I wish I could have taken pictures, it was pretty awesome. They had a few sets where you felt like you were on the ship too, really cool. I was thinking of Ann (R) and how much she would probably enjoy this also. I then headed over to the Bodies exhibit. This one I had mixed emotions on. These are real bodies they have preserved. If I thought of that, it was gross. But being able to see the organs and such was interesting. I did not read every single card in here as I did in the Titanic, I really didn't feel I needed to know all that stuff. They did have fetuses in there and it is amazing to see just how formed they are at such an early stage. By 8 weeks the bones are forming and they have facial features. The other interesting thing was how they showed blood veins/vessels. I didn't realize we had quite so many. The process they use is amazing. All you see is the blood vessels. They take away the skin, muscle and fat. You see blood shaped like a hand. A lot of it was fuzzy looking. I should have bought the book just to show the girls. I spent an hour in there. Next I went over to the Luxor to look at the Criss Angel store. The production office there said that taping for the season was done, I was sorry to see that. I would have liked to have seen him perform live, and get pictures for the girls. As I was walking back to the hotel (still taking pics for the girls) I bought a CSI sweatshirt. It was only $10, I couldn't pass it up. Then it was back to the hotel to relax before they got back from the race. I transferred the new Beatles cd to my mp3 player to listen to on the plane ride home. I also called the girls to see how they were doing. Jenna and I were looking at the Criss Angel merchandise online. Once John got back we headed down to the Luxor to get the girls some magnets and then to dinner. After--John was tired so we headed back to the hotel. I was tempted to stay downstairs, it was our last night there after all. I decided to go up. I figured if I couldn't sleep I would come back down. Of course I never did.

Monday--Last day--really our time is up. Our flight is at 11:20 am which means we need to be there by 9:30. The Vegas airport is always terrible for getting through security. And we have to drop off the rental car and catch the shuttle. So breakfast downstairs and back up to finish packing. As we are heading to the airport, we have to put gas in the car. We pulled over and spent probably 10 minutes trying to figure out how to open the gas cover. Pretty funny actually. Everyone else took a cab to the airport, we ended up getting there about the same time as them. The flight back was uneventful. One nice thing, on our side of the plane, there were only two seats, so John took the aisle and I got the window. It was much more comfortable this time. We landed on time, and were home by 7:30. We let the girls stay up a little later. We hadn't seen them all weekend, I didn't want to rush them off to bed the moment we got home. I actually was kind of wound up that night and couldn't sleep.

We had a good time. Weather wise--it was warmer than here, but far from swimming weather. Friday and Saturday were real nice, Sunday was cooler, and that wind really kicked up (unusual for Vegas). Monday morning it was actually a little warmer at home than there. Of course by the time we got home, it was 28 here and the high there for the day was 63. Hopefully those temps aren't too far off for us either.