Surgery Tomorrow...

Well, tomorrow is another surgery. I am no where near as stressed about this one. Maybe because there isn't the potential for more bad news (lymph nodes). Maybe because I am beginning the process of getting something back instead of having it taken away. Maybe because I have a couple of surgeries under my belt and I am not quite so terrified. And I was terrified for the mastectomy. Not so much for what they were doing (although that did play on the emotions)but more for the surgery itself. I clearly remember being rolled down that hall terrified out of my mind.

I got about 2 hours sleep last night. I was up late cleaning the house and doing laundry, then just couldn't sleep. I actually have a little bit of laundry to finish. I was up this morning for the Herceptin, and seem to keep going. I did sneak in a long soak in the tub though. I plan on relaxing some tonight. I do also plan on taking the Ativan to make sure I am able to sleep and that my mind doesn't keep me awake.

John's Mom and Dad were down here this morning and took the girls and the dog back with them. Thank you!! That was a huge help!! The girls are staying at Grandma's and Grandpa's. Scrappy is staying with Uncle Tom.

They are supposed to give me something for the nausea this time, so that hopefully the anesthesia won't bother me as much. For some reason I don't think it will. Again, maybe b/c I am not stressing as much. I also don't expect to be down for long. Who knows, I may get surprised on that one! I know I won't be doing all my normal stuff for awhile, but again, thinking it won't be too bad. Niave?? Maybe.

Off to finish my list up and take some time to relax. I will post again a soon as I can.

Guess it's been awhile....

For those who stop by regularly, sorry I haven't posted more. I guess I am in a foul mood about this whole cancer crap. I am so over it! I am starting to feel better, although there are still problems, which I won't go into. Just mentally I am sooooo sick of it!!

We have pretty much been on the go since school let out also. That really hasn't helped, as I didn't get a chance to take it easy and recoup. It also took longer to bounce back even a little this time as I didn't have the Nuelasta shot. I love John and the girls, but I do think if I had to do all my treatments with them home, I would go nuts! There are people that literally lay in bed for 3 days after chemo. Now, luckily I never needed to do that, but a little down time would be nice.

Had my ultra sound with the cardiologist on the 15th. Apparently she didn't tell me the last time (maybe b/c I was freaking out over the whole muga thing), but my heart is too big ( we all knew that right? ;) but I guess this is actually a serious problem) and the mitral valve is leaking. I believe I have the right valve. This is probably caused by chemo. The leak is considered to be moderate to severe. We just watch it for now. Unless I start getting symptoms like coughing, shortness of breath, or swelling. It could reverse itself. I hope so. Enough surgeries for one lifetime (between those done and those in the near future), I esp don't want open heart surgery. Not sure that would be required anyway.

We took the girls to the zoo a couple of weeks ago. Holy Cow!! Tons of cicadas!!! The noise was unbelievable. I am so glad we don't have them here!! So is Jenna, she didn't like them at all! They don't like sand--so we don't have to worry about them. It was a hot day, but we had a nice time. The new sting ray exhibit is pretty neat!

One thing that almost seems to be getting worse since chemo has ended is chemo brain. Not surprising, but chemo seems to effect short term memory. It wasn't bad for me for quite awhile, but now... I will be trying to think of something, and I know I should know it and it just won't come. Not til later anyway. It is frustrating. This is something that drs are finally taking seriously and checking into. It isn't a permanent condition, but it can last awhile.

The hot flashes are still terrible. After surgery I can start taking the Vit E again, hopefully that will help. Plus, the ladies on the list have talked about a chillow. It is a pillow that stays cool. They all swear by it. Says it helps with the hot flashes at night, so they don't wake up as much. I found one (new) on ebay--so I should have it this week sometime. I hope it helps!!

I have been getting the house ready for surgery Wednesday. Making sure we are stocked on all the necessities. I will be cleaning house and doing laundry tomorrow and Tuesday. I spent yesterday and this morning making one dish dinners that John can heat up. My mom is going to bring something over, and my SIL Ann may bring something too. It is nice to not have to worry about that. I will be in the hospital overnight, so I should be home sometime Thursday. Going off of last time, I figure Thursday and Friday I will be down (tired, sore, etc), but I am thinking (hoping) I should start feeling better after that. I am guessing Monday, I will still need to take it easy, but will be moving around pretty good. The plan is to get out and walk a little each day, even if the first couple of days is just down the driveway and back. I am hoping I don't have the drains this time. In the winter they were easier to hide. Now, not so easy. Maybe I will find my fanny pack and see if I can put them in there. I will have lifting restrictions again for 6-8 weeks. And I won't be able to lift by arms above my shoulders for that long-at least. But I figured out ways to do things last time.

No hair growth yet either!! Damn!! That I really can't wait for. My hair always used to grow fast, so I'm hoping it still will!

On the 15th my mom and dad came over to help me move the roses that were going to end up being under our new deck. Well, at least I thought they were going to help. They actually did everything, they wouldn't let me do anything. Kind of awkward for me to watch them do what I should be doing, but I appreciate it!! Thanks Mom and Dad!!

Well, I actually have the house to myself for a little bit here (very rare occurrence in the summer!), so I am going to enjoy the silence!!

Things that should improve..

Now that chemo is done, there are several things that should improve, and the sooner the better!
Being bald---grow hair grow!! This is probably going to feel like it takes forever!
One plus has been not having to shave the legs and underarms!
Itchy eyes-they haven't been quite as bad lately, but still bother me occasionally.
Runny nose-no nose hair=runny nose!
Funny tongue/bad taste---I CAN NOT wait for things to taste normal again. You know
it's bad when water tastes horrible!
Heartburn/Acid reflux-It doesn't matter what I eat or when, I have to pop a pepcid.
Sour belly--this feeling that something just isn't right with my belly.
Fingernails--I was doing good with this for awhile. Although I knew they were
detached kind of far down, I was able to keep them at a decent length.
Well, 3 broke low, so I had to cut the rest way back so they don't break
down that far. And they just look funny.
Numb fingertips-although I was just told that b/c of my upcoming surgery--no more
B6. The fingers won't get worse--but I want them to get
better!
Chemopause--will this stop? There seems to be some debate on this b/c of my age.
I guess we will see. I hope so. These hot flashes are driving me nuts!
And I can't take the vitamin E for that either!
TMI for some---Bowel movements--I can't even tell you the last normal one I had! I
will probably come out of the bathroom dancing when that happens!
The GD achiness!! -the glutamine powder didn't work for me. I can not wait to not
feel 175! And the pangs of pain that just pop up! My wrists hurt so
bad that my fingers go numb(not just the tips)!!

Hopefully I will lose these symptoms soon. Didn't know all that was going on by looking at me did you? Well, I don't like to complain. If you happen to catch me cringe, or rub my belly or chest---that is about all the hint you would have gotten.

I just can not wait to feel somewhat normal again. Although for me there is probably a new normal. The numbness in the fingers can be a permanent thing. I truly hope not! I have been told that you should give yourself time equal to how long you were in treatment to feel "normal". So, it may take 3-4 months. Hopefully not. Time will tell.

DONE!!!!

Done done done done done!!! No more Taxol. On to Herceptin every 3 weeks. 90 minute infusion, don't see dr again until Aug 28th! The three weeks in between will feel like a vacation! A lot of the ladies do something to celebrate this. I really can't think of anything to do. And I know I am not going to feel the best or be able to taste anything correctly for a couple weeks yet. Plus, I guess I don't feel totally done until I am done with the Herceptin. There are a couple of ladies that also swear on glutamine powder,to help with the aches. I can't find this stuff. I guess GNC has it, but I haven't been by one of those in ages. Maybe I'll take a run up there tomorrow. It is worth a try. Also need to get Vitamin E, as the dr said this and Vitamin B6 (which I already take) help with the hot flashes. I also need this hair to start growing!!! Tired of having to put on my hair (I don't wear it around the house) just to run a simple errand. I am not comfortable yet going out in the scarf. I am guessing as it gets hotter--that may change!

I forgot to mention in my last post that Sean was christened Sunday. John is the godfather. Susie is godmother. It was also Ethan's 4th birthday party.

Our relay event is this Friday. If you have been thinking about making a donation, now is the time, links are on the right. If you have already made a donation-THANK YOU!

Criss Angel's new season started on A&E tonight. He is an illusionist. If you have not seen his show, you really should. The man is amazing. He always has people all around him. You would think if they caught on to how he does it, they would be blabbing. They made mention of Cirque du Soliel working with him on a Vegas show. It must not be finished yet though, b/c I can't find any info on it. John and I are talking about going to Vegas in March (there is a race you know! ;)). If Criss Angel has a show--I have to see it!

John went with me today. He had to be completely bored! I slept from the benedryl for about 3 hours. Ok, maybe half of it was not a good sleep, but I still wasn't good company. Of course we came home and I was still a little tired, then as normal, the steroids kicked in about 9pm. But I should go get my jammies on and see if I can fall asleep. If not, maybe catch a good movie.

Good night!

Tomorrow..

Is my last taxol, thank goodness. This is really starting to get to me. I am so sick of not feeling good. I really didn't listen about the cumulative effects of chemo. I don't know why, I guess I thought it wouldn't happen to me. But boy oh boy! It is absolutely ridiculous how quickly I tire out! No strength and no energy. Now, I know I was not in good shape before all of this started. But I could still pretty much do anything I wanted or needed. Not now. The smallest thing and I am ready to go to bed. Of course when bed time rolls around, I can't sleep. The damn hot flashes are driving me nuts too! The back of my head seats! And at night it is hotcoldhotcold. Of course I'm not telling some of you anything new.

There were times this past week that my wrists hurt so bad, my hands went numb. I had to go buy a 50 lb weight to weigh down the pool steps, and could barely pick it up. That isn't normal. "Helping" John (and I put helping in quotes, b/c I wasn't much help!) put the ladder in the pool, I was ready to call it a day.

The god awful taste is still in my mouth. Nothing tastes like it should. I have to remember when I'm eating something new, that isn't what it really tastes like.
The picnic was nice--again, wore me out though. Tuesday I was back at the drs for the Herceptin. Wednesday I went to Joliet to run errands, but only made it to get the weight, I started feeling very sick to my stomach. Haley woke up sick that night and missed school on Thursday. Their fourth grade recognition ceremony was at 7:30 that morning. An almost impossible time to get them to school,plus at the time, I couldn't stay out of the bathroom for 10 minutes. But I went with Jenna, sitting in the back in case I needed to duck out real quick. She got the National award for fitness and a certificate for being on the honor roll all 4 quarters. Haley got the honor roll, Presidential award for fitness and 100 points for AR (their reading program).

I should be off to bed. Hopefully I can sleep.--Oh, and my friend you voted for in the implant contest--she won!!! So thank you!!