Daffodil Day...

I forgot to mention the other day that it was the American Cancer Society's Daffodil Day when I went to chemo. I received a nice little vase with the daffodils in it. Very pretty!! So nice and bright! Luckily the vase fit in my cup holder in the car and I was able to get them home without a problem.

I did also meet the new (to me) oncologist the other day. Seeing him walk around the office, I thought he looked like a grumpy doc. But he was actually very nice. He took his time, I felt, to get to know me and my case.

Feeling ok today. Achy, a little yucky, but not too~ too bad. I actually got to sleep last night! We had a wake to go to last night, and when we got home, I wasn't feeling the best, and was sooo tired! I laid down on the couch about 9:30, not thinking I would really fall asleep, but I did! I woke up about 1:30 and went to bed. Took about an hour to go back to sleep--but I can handle that right now. I was pretty much up after John left for work at 5, but that was still the best night of sleep this week!

I really hope none of you ever have to experience this. It is hard to explain how this chemo crap makes you feel. Just not right is the only way I know how to say it. There have been a few ladies on the boards that have made the comment that they never felt sick after being diagnosed with cancer, until the drs started to "fix" it. That is so true!! I absolutely hate taking pills, but at times now I feel like I have a list almost as long as Anna Nicole's!! Not really--but I am taking more than I would like. And of course everything I am taking is approved by my dr!! So no worries of reactions here.

Well, off to get a few things done, while I am still feeling up to it!!!

3 Down---5 to go!!!

Yeah almost halfway there!!! One more of the AC combo. After that, the next drug doesn't tend to make you as sick. Just achy and tired. They watch you real close the first time also--b/c 20% of people are allergic to the med. I'm not too concerned about that, as I don't have any allergies that I know of. So I really don't expect to start. They also tell you to take B-6 while on Taxol, I have to go back this afternoon for my Nuelasta shot--I am going to ask if I can start taking the vitamins now. I wouldn't think it would hurt, but prefer to check!

Yesterday and today haven't been the best. My period started yesterday-- which I was so not expecting. B/c of that I had a migraine. Thanks to the steriods, I couldn't fall asleep until about 3am. 7am seems so early then! This morning I have diarrhea. I have taken a couple of immodium and I am hoping they kick in quick! I was hoping to head out about 10:30 or so. Jenna wants leggings to wear with a skort she got-for pictures Friday. I have to go for the shot anytime after 1. So it isn't set in stone. I was hoping to do the running first and go after. But--am unable to stray too far at the moment. Shooting for 12:30 now. Do the shot first, then the running. If I have to, I guess I could go tomorrow. But would really just rather get it done today.

Once I start the Taxol--those will be long days!! Blood work, wait and hour. One hour of premeds. Taxol for 3 and Herceptin for and hour and a half. Hopefully there won't be too much waiting around on the drugs!! I am wondering though. Herceptin is normally given every 3 weeks, but since I am doing the Taxol every 2, the H then goes to weekly. So...is the 1 1/2 the full dose? Or a third of it?? Is it possible that while I am doing it weekly it will only be a half hour?? I need to ask the nurses when I go this afternoon.

The wig thing has been going ok. The nurses yesterday were really impressed with the wig--esp when they found out I got it off of ebay! It has a scalp cap--which means you can see your scalp through it, they had never seen that before. It lets the air flow through to your head too, so you don't get as hot. They wig has come off the minute I walk in the door though!

We went to see baby Sean Patrick (how is that for an Irish name!) on Monday. Of course he is cute! White Blond hair and eyebrows. We didn't get to see him with his eyes open yet though.

Monday I took the girls to the zoo. It was packed. I can't recall ever seeing it that busy! We used the parking lot off of First ave and it took us 40 minutes to make that left and get parked!! I wanted to be out of there at 2 to avoid traffic. That gave us 3 hours! But that is one of the nice things about being a member--go for a few hours, see what you want, got back another time and see more. You don't need to worry about seeing it all in one day! If I knew I could get home before the girls got out of school, I would go by myself once in awhile. The girls and I had fun. The crowds didn't really effest us. We seemed to move around them fairly easy. Of course alot of them had strollers and wagons--and some of those kids were old enough to be walking! The sting ray exhibit wasn't open yet--next time. We got the watch 2 baby gorrillas--one was wrestling with his mom!! And we got to watch the baby dolphin.

On the way home I was cut off by a semi. The thing is, I saw his turn signal and gave him a good minute at least to get over. He didn't go, so I figured he had just left the signal on. As soon as I started coming up beside him, he moved over. I honked--although a bit delayed, I forgot where exactly the horn was! Once I got along side of him I wanted to shoot him a dirty look--but couldn't make eye contact. So I did the Italian gesture with the whole hand. The girls thought I flipped him off, but I didn't. I told them I should have took my wig off and shook it at him! Shock value.

I meant to post all this for you last night--I know there are the faithful readers out there that would be checking in. The internet was down for some reason though.

Well, so far so good on the bathroom trips. Last one was about an hour ago ( I know--like you needed to know that!). Hopefully, this means I can run my errands without a problem. I do need to try and eat something. All I had for breakfast was Ovaltine.

It's a......

Boy!!!

I was wrong!! Not surprising there. I have only been right one time when guessing the sex of a baby!!

Sean (we don't have a middle name yet) was born last night- the 25th. He is 9lbs 5 oz. and 21 inches long. Mom and baby are doing fine!!

Master Bathroom...

..or Dr. Frankenstein's laboratory??

My bathroom is starting to resemble a lab with all the spare parts laying around!! Between the boobs and the wigs, not looking so much like a bathroom anymore!!

Saw the Plastic Surgeon yesterday. She is happy with the way I have healed, and we are looking at the end of June to begin the reconstruction process. I really, really, don't want another surgery, but, the end result will be worth it. She said to make sure to stress to the hospital when they call (pre op calls) that I really don't want to throw up. She said to make sure I say that over and over. That way they will do everything they can to make sure I don't get sick from the anesthesia.

I'm not getting my normal days this time around. Granted I don't feel terrible, but not getting back to normal like I did last time. And going from constipation to diarrhea in 3 days--not fun!! I don't recommend it! I am afraid to take anything for one or the other--afraid it will lead me back in the other direction!!

I saw Ceci yesterday. She has more hair than me right now. It is still pretty light though, so a pic with her would still be cute! I am holding an open house at Susie and B's tomorrow. I really hope they get a contract on it. The lady who owns the house now that they are wanting to buy doesn't want to give them and extension on the contract. She says they haven't really tried to sell their home. Isn't that rich coming from someone who's house has been on the market for well over a year!! And was overpriced (her fault) for a lot of that! I believe the woman doesn't want to move. It is a divorce situation. Which of course can get sticky!! So hopefully Susie and B get a contract on theirs, then she will have to stick with it.

Still waiting on the new little one from Ann. She is the most impatient out of all of us I am sure. She is due today. So much for going before her due date.

Yuk..and Wigs...

Not together.

My first couple of times out with the wig went well. It really didn't bother me too much, although when I got home and took it off, it was like my head said Aaahh. The first time was to my sister's for mom's birthday. The next was to my Library Board meeting on Monday night. They all liked my new hair cut! I think a couple of them suspected, or knew the truth, but were kind enough to leave it alone. My other wigs did come in, but I need to get the bangs trimmed on them as the are way too long. I really do like those wigs though.

I had to meet with a client to get some paperwork signed yesterday. Now she is the mother of a friend, she does know about the cancer and that I have lost my hair. She liked the wig also, and couldn't believe I got it off ebay for around $20.

The yuk comes in with the way I am feeling. I just don't feel like myself. I don't know how to explain it any other way. I can't wait til June when this part is done. Yesterday I was fine until about noon, then just did not feel good after that. Today I think I am coming down with a cold. And I am extremely achy. I guess I should take some Tylenol for that. I absolutely hate popping all these pills. May need to add prilosec to the mix though, as I am sick of the heart burn!! Even if I don't eat anything, I get the heart burn. I am hoping to get a few normal feeling days before the next treatment Tuesday.

I forgot to mention the "stupid" comment the ultra sound tech made when I went that Friday. She told me to remove my shirt and bra and hop up on the table. I explained that there weren't any boobs, therefor no bra. She proceeded to tell me that she wished she could go bra less. ???? HUH?? I bit my tongue, but was thinking "well, get your boobs hacked off and you too can go bra less!" I know she didn't mean anything by it, it is just amazing the things people say sometimes. We usually have a thread going on the YSC boards about unbelievable things people say. Here are some comments the others have endured.....

**My dear dear SIL has told me more than once how lucky I am to get a "free" boob job. I know I'm not the only one who has had that comment made to them..

**I often stop by my job to see my co-workers while I have been out on Short Term Disability. I was standing around chatting with them about side effects and that sort of thing. One of the things I mentioned was that I often have to lay down to rest during the day and one of my co-workers said "I would do anything to be able to do that". The girl next to him said, "get your boobs taken off, have rat poison pumped into your veins once a week and you can do it too!!!!". HEHE, we high fived each other later

**I haven't had any comments recently, but last summer as I was going through chemo, I took my son to Supercuts to get a haircut. It's so hot here that I usually went around bald. That day, I was bald as Adam and I walked into the store. The receptionist looked at both of us, and asked which one was getting a cut. I told her "well, obviously not me!" She was embarrassed, but geez!

**I was in the locker room at the gym the other day. I was drying off after a shower when an older woman asked me, "Are you in treatment or is that what all the young girls are doing these days"

I started laughing. Do I look like a Brittany Spears fan?


**I was having quick ciggie at work (I know I know bad) anyway and this guy says 'should you be doing that? oh well it doesn't matter now' UM HELLO - I am not dying YET

**how lucky I am to get a "free" boob job

I've gotten this one, too! More than once. Pisses me off so much. It's about the most insensitive things I've heard. ... so, people mainly get an evil stare from me. If they don't take that hint, then I start saying bitter things like, "Sure, a little chemo, little baldness and anyone can have a free boob job!" or "Yeah, and mine comes with no nipples and no more happy feelings, too!"

**A wig shop owner told me the following "If I lost my hair, I wouldn't be able to function." "I just couldn't handle losing my hair!" This is from a woman who owns a wig shop and has worn wigs for the past 30 years "for pleasure"

Amazing isn't it??

Do we have any American Idol fans?? I like Gina and Blake is pretty good. Gina is from Naperville though, so it would be nice to have her win! Melinda and Lakisha have the voice, I don't think they have the whole package. And Sanjaya!! Yikes! That boy needs to go. I'm afraid the pre and early teen girls are going to keep him going on there. Although there is also vote for the worst dot com they are trying to get the worst person to win. So is Howard Stern. He is telling all his listeners to vote for Sanjaya b/c he thinks it would be funny to have him win. Last night while he was singing, there was a young girl in the audience bawling!!! Of course she was crying for Melinda too.

Another good show that is on on Tuesday nights is Dirt. This is Courtney Cox's new show. It is different and twisted. Probably why I like it. The season finale is next week already. The show is about a tabloid. One of the quirky things I like is that C.C.'s character is the hard edged editor. She is a b*&ch. But her best friend is a schizophrenic photographer. Someone you would expect her to never have the time for, but she is protective of him.

We are anxiously awaiting my new niece (or nephew). She (or he--can you tell I think Ann is having a girl?) is due Saturday. So any day now. I know that is what Ann is thinking too!

Better Day..

I am doing better today. Much better actually. Cindy came by and shaved my head yesterday afternoon. Surprisingly, it is easier to feel the stubble there than the thinning hair. She did cut it in a mohawk first. You can't really tell in the pic though, the hair was so thin on top and blond. I need to get my picture taken with my niece Ceci now--we match!! Both bald and blue eyes.

It actually doesn't look terrible. Not a look I would have chosen obviously. I have a nice shaped head. I could have gone my entire life without knowing that, but there it is.

As I don't like to draw attention to myself, or be the center of attention, I think that is part of what makes this so hard. The first few times out will be rough I know.

We did remeasure my head and I am now at 22 inches. So I can do the average size wigs--and that gives me a lot more options. The one I ordered a long time ago off of ebay does fit. I do need to get some kind of cap to go between my head and the wig though. I think that will make it a little more comfortable.

Jenna keeps rubbing my head. That is ok, b/c I keep doing it too!! We are going to my sister's for my mom's birthday today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mom!!!!). I am thinking I will wear the wig there, and bring a scarf in case it starts bothering me. Who knows though, I could change my mind by then.

Still feeling off. Not bad, just not myself. It is hard to explain really. Can't wait to be done with all of this, and be me again! I also took an anti anxiety med yesterday to help me relax and not stress over the hair loss so much. It was prescribed to help me sleep when needed, but I figured I could use it yesterday. Now I feel like I am in a fog. Not sure if that is from the chemo, or the the med. Don't really like that feeling though.

John and the girls are outside putting up the basketball hoop. Well, John is putting it up, the girls are just out there. I think they will have fun with that. We now need to get a trampoline for Haley to practice her gymnastics on.

The girls are off school on the 26th. I am hoping it is nice that day. Maybe we'll take a trip to the zoo if it is. We haven't been there in so long. They have a new string ray exhibit due to open up. Not sure if it will be by then though.

To all of my family and friends I want to say a big THANK YOU!! You have no way of knowing how much your love and support have helped me these past few months. I love you all!!

When Do I Get....

Myself back?? I am so fed up with not being me! Just to warn you--this may be too much for some of you.... First the boobs are gone. Then I just don't feel like myself. Even when I am having a good day. Yucky taste in the mouth. Heartburn when I haven't really eaten anything. Running errands while completely spaced out. Not even sure I should be driving. Icky feeling belly. Nothing tastes right. Headaches. And now the hair. My long thick hair has always been such a big part of me. I know it doesn't make me who I am, but I like it. And I don't like having attention drawn to myself. Which is bound to happen even if I am wearing a wig. At least the first time people see me.

This is very hard on me. I lost it last night. Big time! I tried to wait until the girls went to bed, but I didn't make it. I felt bad for them that they had to see the mother bawling over losing her hair. Cindy is coming by this afternoon around 4 to shave it. It just feels wrong when I touch my head. There is supposed to be thick hair there--and there is barely anything. I told John that it is a good thing they can't cut out what is between my legs, or there would be nothing feminine left to me. Now, I know this isn't the honest truth, but it is how I am feeling at the moment.

I promised John I wouldn't cry all day. And I am trying not to. (he is at work). I can't even pinpoint exactly what I am thinking to explain it to you. I KNOW I will get past this, it isn't the worst thing to happen. But yet I am deeply upset (possibly depressed). John did make a good point, it can only go up from here.

The first few times out in public without my hair (even with a wig) is going to be the toughest, I know that. I hope I can shake this mood to make it a little bit easier on myself.

The good thing about the shave is that I won't keep finding hair everywhere. No more brushing it off the pillows. No more finding it on the floor. No more having to brush it off my shoulders. No more going to put a shirt back on and having hair all over the inside and outside of it. I will be vacuuming and washing clothes to get rid of all of this. And hopefully I will then be able to move past it all. I am trying to think of it as some of the other ladies do. " If the chemo can't get the hair off my head, how is it going to get rid of the cancer". But it still just feels wrong.

I know this post is a bit rambling. Trying to put my thoughts on here right now is pretty hard. I don't want pity, or sympathy. I just want you to understand. Not just for me, but for others you may know, or notice going through this.

Thursday...

Well, I am still doing ok. Much better than last time. Starting last night, my belly is a little off, and don't quite feel like myself, but it is not terrible.

I did notice that my post the other day was titled wrong. So I have fixed that. Six more treatments to go--not seven!! Yuk!

The hair is still falling. I have a couple of thin spots, but they are still covered with hair for now. Still waiting on the ebay wig. May go get refitted after the hair is all gone too. If the measurement does change that much, maybe she will remember that for the next person.

I am hoping the hair holds out until at least Saturday. Tuesday would be even better as I have a Library Board meeting on Monday night. Only time will tell. I need to wash it now, not sure how much hair that will cost me!

Not happy seeing snow on the ground this morning--even if it is just a dusting. But it won't be around long, and the windows will be back open!!

My SIL Ann had her drs appt Monday. Her due date is the 24th, the dr doesn't think she will go that long. So I will have a new niece or nephew soon!! I think it's a girl. Don't know why, I just catch myself saying "her" and "she" all the time.

Well, I have animals around my feet, so I guess I should go feed them.

Genetic Testing

When I went to get my Nuelasta shot today, they had my BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 results for me--NEGATIVE!!! Yeah!! These are genetic variants known to cause breast cancer and ovarian cancer. It doesn't mean you will get it, it does mean you and your family are more susceptible. If I had the gene mutations, the girls would have a 50% chance of having it also. It would also mean mom, my sister Michelle and niece Destinee would need to be screened. So they are all off the hook now. The girls will still need to be watched closely, but at least we don't have to worry about the genetic part.

Cindy cut my hair. I don't really like it, I am not a short hair person. She did a wonderful job, I just don't like it on me. She thinks it's cute. She also can't wait until my hair grows in so she can play with it!! I trust her completely, so I don't have a problem with that.

The girls don't like the cut either. They have never seen me with short hair though. Hell, nobody really has. I don't think it has been short since 4th grade! John hasn't seen it yet. The onc nurse when I went to get my shot liked it alot. And that was with it all wind blown. As I was walking out to the car, my phone rang, and I knew it was one of the drs offices. Well, it was the onc's office, the receptionist was just talking to the nurse about how much she liked my hair, and the nurse told her she should call and tell me, so she did. It was nice of her, but I am still not fond of it. It will probably only buy me another week, if I am lucky! But it was worth a try!!

Enjoy this weather while you can!!!!

Two Down - Six to Go....

Or even better, 2 down, 2 to go of the nasty stuff. The next drug isn't supposed to be as bad. Being tired and bone aches are the side effects of the next one.

Well, knock on wood, this time is MUCH better! I had a headache yesterday, and trouble sleeping last night, but I'll take that over last time. They said they gave me a different anti-nausea med in the IV. I also took a Zofran (anti-nausea) before I left. I made the girls and I pancakes for breakfast, so I actually had food in my belly too. Plus I didn't stress myself out beforehand. The dr. has prescribed a steroid for me to take for 3 days starting today to help also. There was some in the IV which is probably why I didn't sleep well last night. So I guess I may be up the next few nights too. But I don't feel too bad now for not having any sleep. I was feeling a little off around 9 last night. That is the only way I know how to describe it. The little bit of sleep I got must have helped that though.

I talked to the dr about the Nuelasta shot. I was wondering if this shot got rid of the need to stay out of crowds or away from sick people. He said not really. The blood count would still go down before the Nuelasta brought it back up, and there is no way to pinpoint when that dip would be. I'm guessing if we did daily blood tests they could tell, but no thank you! He said to play it real safe the first week, then second week play it safe, but I wouldn't have to be as conscious of it. He said (obviously) if I go to a program at the school, don't sit next to the hacking, snotting guy, and don't hang around afterwards to chit chat. I guess I will be going against that a little this week, as I plan to take the girls to the High School Musical this week. They are doing "Singing in the Rain".

I started shedding yesterday. My head felt funny Sunday--kind of like when you wear a ponytail too long and your hair hurts right at the scalp. I am curious to see the progress, I have one baggie of hair from yesterday, and one from this morning already. The one from yesterday though doesn't count the hair that fell out when I was at chemo. I made the mistake of wearing a black hoodie, and when I stopped in the bathroom, I had a hood full of blond hair! Oops! I called Cindy to see when she would be available to shave it off. Not that I have bald spots yet--my hair is (was) extremely thick, but the hairs sliding down my arms is a little too much!! She had a friend though that had sinus cancer, and I don't know her chemo regimen, but Cindy cut her hair short first and she got another month out of that before needing to shave. I'm not big on short hair, but I'm not big on bald either! Not that cutting it short will stop it from coming out, it won't. But if they are shorter hairs falling out, and being combed out, I might be more bearable. I have 2 more doses of this drug, the next one, some people actually have their hair grow back on. So maybe, I can keep the short hair til then?? Is my hair thick enough that I won't loose it all?? Could I be that lucky?? I can dream can't I?? When I get to Cindy's and she washes it, she will be able to tell better if it is even worth it.

I also got fitted for my prosthesis yesterday. The lady doing the fitting was really nice. We had a few laughs while I was there. Of course one of the boxes was marked wrong, so I have to pick up my left on Friday!! LOL!!

Oh--no chemopause yet, but I think this may have been the last period. I think that is part of why I was feeling so crappy after the last round too.

The ultra sound (us) went fine Friday, and I haven't heard anything from the dr., which is a good sign! The tech had some measurements to make, and isn't a dr. but said she believes the MUGA scan was wrong. YEAH!

My oncologist is leaving. He was offered a job in South Carolina, where him and his wife have always wanted to go back to. The other dr. in the office has been practicing for 18 years, and has written several papers. The only problem is that instead of going on Mondays, I now have to go Tuesdays. He isn't in the office on Mondays. If they find a replacement for Dr.G, I can go back to Mondays. This works out for the next time actually b/c the girls are off of school. It changes my finish date though from June 4th to June 5th. I guess I can live with that!

This weather is absolutely awesome!! The high we are supposed to hit today (72) is the first time we will have hit that since Oct. 31! Of course we will have to drop back for a little while, but we are almost there!!! YEAH!! Even at 60 degrees, I was turning off the heat and opening the back door to get some fresh air in here.

And have you noticed....Robins, Robins everywhere!!!!

Links...

Here are the web pages for my SILs Susie and Jenny's 3-day walk. Also my friend Jenn's page. You can make a donation directly to the web sites.

Susie's page, Click here

Jenny's page, Click here

Jenn's page, Click here

The girls, John and I (along with other family and friends) are doing the Relay for Life again this year. This is an overnite event that raises funds and awareness for all types of cancer.

My page- Click here

John's page- Click here

Jenna's page-Click here

Haley's page- Click here

I have put these links in the right column also so you can easily find them. Then you will not have to dig through the posts. But, you can also save yourself that trouble by donating now!! Ten dollars can make a difference!

First Robin!!!

Everyone knows that seeing a robin is a sign of spring. I am totally NOT a winter fan, so around this time of year I am looking out for those robins. There are a ton of birds in my backyard right now. A lot of them look like robins but with black bellies. I was looking close, not a orange belly among them. I told myself, any day now I will see one, and spring will be here before we know it.

I just sat down at the computer to check my email, and as I looked out the window, I saw him. Sitting on the bush just outside. Orange chest as big as anything! I tried to get my camera to take a pic, and unfortunately he left. If I remember correctly, last year I saw a lone robin around this time, then a couple weeks later they seemed to be everywhere. It is almost as if they send a scout to see if it is time to come back.

Spring is just around the corner!!

Dinner and Doctors..

Not together!!

Saturday started out fine, we were home, not running anywhere. I felt like my normal self. We were getting things done around the house. Then it came time to get ready to go out to celebrate Ann's second baby. I have been wearing sweatshirts to cover the fact there are no boobs! Well, I wanted to dress a little nicer than that. I stood in my closet with tears in my eyes as I had nothing to wear! Haley was in the closet with me and said something about how I had a lot of clothes. I told her that all of those clothes are made for boobs! I couldn't wear any of them with out the fake ones in. And yet no one out side the girls and John have seen me in the fake ones, so wasn't ready for that either. But I had to wear them. Not sure if I'll ever get used to them. Hopefully I will get to a point that I can wear them and not think about them constantly. Warmer weather is coming up, sweatshirts will only make it so much longer. Dinner went fine, nobody said anything, that I heard anyway. One of my SILs was trying to think of something to say, lightheartedly. When she told me this yesterday, I told her I'm glad she couldn't think of anything, I wasn't ready to hear it that night. I was constantly worried about the things making themselves seen, but that didn't happen. Phew!

Afterwards the girls were staying with Aunt Jenny and Grandma. So I called John and met him at the bar. Walking in there was like walking into a wall of smoke! Gag!! I only had diet coke to drink, I just started feeling normal, I didn't want to wake up Sunday morning feeling sick! We stayed for a couple of hours. The next morning I was feeling a little off. I think it is from the smoke.

Sunday was spent at John's mom's. I took the girls shopping to use their gift cards. Aunt Jenny went with to help me keep my sanity! They actually did pretty good. After shopping we went back to Ma's for dinner. Chicken from Jewel. It was good! However, that night my stomach started cramping up. And yesterday morning I was not feeling well. I still feel a little off. I am hoping this isn't from chemo. I am thinking it is something I ate. Possibly something that wouldn't normally bother me, but did this time b/c of chemo (?). There were a couple other people with upset bellies, so it may have been what we ate.

Yesterday was my appointment with the cardiologist. I thought I had posted about my MUGA scan but I can't find it anywhere, so I guess I didn't! I had to have a Muga scan-which scans your heart. This is done for all of Dr. G's patients before they start chemo. I had this done on Feb. 6. That Friday I think it was, Dr. G's nurse Marion calls and says that the number was low on the scan and they want me to see the cardiologist. I freaked! I said "you mean there is something ELSE wrong with me?" She said that "no, the dr and card. talked it over and feel it is a testing error, but have to follow through". Well, I was allowed to start chemo, and the appt. was yesterday, so obviously not a big deal or they would have had me in there sooner! So I met her yesterday, I like her. She made me feel completely at ease. She is also a bc survivor. She was diagnosed 2 years ago this month, and had the same chemo regimen that I am on. She says the next drug, which I start April 23rd, was like chemo lite for her. That is good to hear. So even if I react the same way each time to this current drug, I only have 3 more of those. Hopefully the next one is the same for me as it was for her. She kept telling me also that there is a LONG life after bc. Which I do know. It just seems a long way off yet, looking at it from this side! She examined me, said she thought everything was fine. I have to go Friday for an ultra sound of my heart, just to be sure. Then I will need to do that about every 3 months bc of the chemo, just to check that it isn't messing with my heart. The ultra sound might be kind of neat--if I get to watch the screen. Hopefully they don't find anything, not sure I could take that!

Forgot to mention that the other day when I listed all the things I was signing up to let them do to me (poison me, etc,) that I was also signing up for chemopause. And with my age, possibly menopause. This isn't the take a while to get through it menopause. This is the slam into the wall with it type. It all happens at once. This is a possible side effect. Yahoo! Just another thing to look forward to-NOT!

Oh--and at the drs office yesterday, I forget that all these drs and nurses don't know everything about me. Seems like everyone should know by now. Well the nurse wanted to do a quick ekg, she told my to undo my bra and lie back on the table. I looked at her and said "no boobs=no bra!". She got a chuckle out of it. She said I could be wearing fake ones, I told her not for drs appts. I didn't want to explain my issue with them!! When the dr found out that I was 39-she said, "oh, a baby". She herself really didn't look that much older than me though.

I just found out that a friend of mine, Jenn, is also going to be doing the 3 day walk in Chicago. This is no small undertaking! A lot of training, and a lot of money to raise!Once I get all the web addresses, I will post them all here. I do have hers, but I want to post them all at once, so when I get Susie's and Jenny's I will put the links in the right column so they are always there, and easy to use.

What a Week!

Hopefully this week was so rotten b/c it was my first treatment. That and the headache on Monday. I was down Monday, hungover feeling Tuesday, not feeling good at all Wednesday, or half the day Thursday. Today I almost feel normal. Almost. I ache, which is from the Nuelasta shot. Still have a ghost of a headache. But feel like I can do normal stuff. I really hope I am not down 4 days each time!!

It is really hard for me to comprehend at times that what I am doing is so I can be HEALTHY!! It sure doesn't feel that way. First I have mutilated my body. Now I am poisoning it. I am just glad it is only (only?) for 4 months!! Can't imagine if it was longer. I actually hope the next drug is a little better on me.

John and I went wig shopping the other day. I know I have a big head, it is always hard to get hats to fit. The lady said my head measured 23 inches, so a size large wig. Now I have extremely thick hair. I am thinking that once this is gone, I will lose that half inch that will put me back in the average range. There are some cute cheap wigs on ebay that only go up to 22 1/2. I asked her about this, she said the hair won't make a difference. I find that very hard to believe. The only wig she had available to order in size large was aweful!! I have found a few others online I could make do with. I would like to get another opinion, but all the rest of the places are like an hour away! I may just order one of the ebay ones and see what happens. Or maybe I will wait til the hair is gone,*gulp* and get measured again. If I have to stick with the large size, there goes my idea of having fun with the whole wig thing.

I took it easy today, even though I am feeling better. We are supposed to take Ann out tomorrow to celebrate baby #2, and I want to make sure I am feeling better. Right now I am going to go read a little, then head off to bed I think!!!