The Girls and the "Girls"

First, the girls. I don't know what it is but they are kind of driving me crazy lately. They seem to be more stubborn than usual, and little chatter boxes! Hopefully this will pass soon. Not sure how much longer I can take it!!

As for the "girls" (aka-new boobs), I am getting used to them. I think I am happy with them. I kind of wish they were set closer together. She says they look natural, honestly I think I would have preferred if they didn't. I have to massage them for the next year. Three times each time, three times a day. This is to keep them soft and keep the scar tissue from hardening up. She did tell me that if I push them together now and then they may settle that way. So I am trying it. I would like to have cleavage without wearing a bra. And awesome cleavage when I am. I need to get a push up bra. Maybe if I wear that it will have the same effect as pushing them together. We are looking at doing the nipples after the holidays. So maybe by spring I will be complete! I guess for this surgery, you aren't out, just numbed. There will be a sheet up so that I can't see. It will take about 3 hours. That is a long time to lay there, especially knowing what they are doing! I will have to ask for some happy juice!

Needed to go to my general dr. yesterday--but he is out of town until the 6th. So I saw his dr assistant-Gretchen. She is a sweetheart!! I guess she has all the training of a dr, and can do everything a dr does, she just doesn't have the title and doesn't have to pay all the ins and such, the medical group does that. Anyway--I have a sinus infection. She also saw fluid behind my right ear, and said I would have had an ear infection too if I hadn't come in.

My girlfriend Cindy and I went out on Wednesday. We had a lot of fun...thinking of making this a bi weekly event.

We are taking the girls to Rockford for dirt bike races this weekend. Thinking we need to stay, since they are predicting snow changing to sleet. I want to get my Christmas stuff up this weekend too. Would like to do the tree (so would the girls, they keep asking me when we are going to do it), but John doesn't like it up this early. Maybe we can shoot for Wednesday as a compromise.

I have decided that I don't want to bother with the conference this year. As much as I would love to meet and hang out with the YSC ladies, and as informative as I think it will be, I just can't come home on the 24th and turn around and leave on the 28th. Especially with the girls' birthday in there. Just doesn't seem right. Not to mention I would probably be wore out by the time we went to Vegas. They will all be at races on Sunday (I am not a race fan), so I may get a massage during that time.

Well, I actually had something else I was going to tell you all, but with this damn chemo brain it has left!

Thanksgiving @ Bopmyspace.com

Tired...

I haven't been posting for the simple reason that there really hasn't been anything to post about. Very uneventful around here. Which is actually a nice change of pace.

I seem to be tired a lot lately. Every once in awhile I am lucky and get a good nights sleep, and yet I still wake up tired. Last night I couldn't sleep at all, plus since I had the Herceptin today, I had to take a Benadryl, which makes me tired. YIKES! I did lay down for a couple of hours this afternoon. I had to.

Off to bed. I basically just wanted to pop on and let you know that I am fine!!

Yeah for a Clean House!!!

I had someone come and clean the house today. Yes, you read that right. I am so happy with the way it turned out. She did such a wonderful job, and it is one less thing for me to worry about! I will not claim to be a great housekeeper, but it was starting to drive me nuts! I haven't been able to get in there and clean really good for awhile. Between surgeries and recovery, treatments, dr appts, running with the girls, and just plain not being up to par yet, cleaning has taken a back seat. Well, now I am happy. I know it won't stay this way long, but I will enjoy it while it does. And the fact that I get all afternoon to enjoy it before the girls come home and begin to destroy it, that is just icing on the cake! This will also help to keep me from doing things I shouldn't be doing. I vacuumed the other night b/c it was killing me, and man did that hurt. I was walking around with my left hand on my right boob while I did it.

Make sure you look at the next post too. It is a slide show of our Halloween pictures.

This past Thursday I had my yearly with Dr. Borders. Left there very sad. I have to find a new OB/GYN. He doesn't take our insurance (it switched last December). He flat out said that they don't pay enough. He has been in this business for 17 years--and doesn't need to work with insurance companies like that. He was the first dr I was ever comfortable with. I really had to keep myself busy the rest of the day so I wouldn't think about it, I was actually tearing up over it. Riverside has a couple of female ob's I will probably call one of them. I should do it soon though, as I am wanting to get these ovaries yanked.

Saturday the girls had their Speech competition. With John working nights he was able to go too, which was nice. Although I am sure he was really tired when he did get home. My mom went with too. I was so nervous for them. I definitely could not have done that at their age. Not too sure I could even do it now! They did AWESOME! I am so proud of them. They did a skit with 3 other girls. While the girls were waiting thier turn, they all looked so nervous, I was getting even more nervous for them. But once they got out there--WOW. I am amazed! I really wish I could have taped it. They got 2cnd place. Which I think is awesome for their first time out. They don't think it is so great of course. You could just tell the whole rest of that day that Jenna was so proud of herself. She was on cloud 9. Haley was proud of herself too I believe, but she didn't show it. Jenna is the one I was worried about. Haley is more outgoing, and has even said she would like to do commercials, or get into acting. Jenna needed this. I was shocked when she said she wanted to do it. And glad. I hope this helps her to not be as shy. Her teacher would have never believed that was her!

Yesterday I showed a home in the area to a couple that Michelle gave my number to. Thank you Michelle. They seemed to really see potential with the house, so we will see what happens.

I am in the process of writing the Christmas letter. I haven't done one for awhile, but feel like I should this year. I am trying not to make it too long.

I am debating going to the YSC conference in Feb. I haven't even talked to John about it yet, as I am not sure I want to go. I mean I want to, but don't really know if I should, or if I could with a clear conscience. It is in Jacksonville, Florida--Feb 22-24th. It would be nice to meet some of the ladies I chat with. It would be nice to hang out with people that know exactly where I am coming from. But, we are going to Vegas the following weekend, and the girls birthday is the 25th. I would be home for their birthday, but would have to have any parties on the 16th or 17th. Which I'm sure they wouldn't mind having their b-day early. I would be gone 2 weekends in a row. Don't know if I really can do that. Although John would be home on the weekend. The girls have that Friday off-So I would need someone to watch them then. If I did go, I think I would fly out Thursday and back in the afternoon on Sunday. But it is so darn far away. Not sure what to do. Never went that far by myself either. So that would be a bit strange. I guess I need to figure this out!

On the YSC bb lately, there has been talk about how frustrating it is that people just don't "get it". They are speaking of the fact that once treatment is done, they are treated as if they are "cured" and that they are "back to normal" or should be. I really hope that no one here ever "gets it". B/c that would mean you have been through this yourself. And I know a few of you already have. This isn't all done b/c treatment is over. Hopefully I will not recur. I am holding onto that and living as if it won't. If--and I do mean if--it does return I will deal with it then. But there will always be that little nagging voice at the back of my head. The plan is to stomp it out most of the time. I will always have the wonderful memories (and yes, I am being sarcastic) and scars from this last year. I am still going through some things emotionally, and don't know how long that will last. I don't feel "normal" yet, and don't know when I will. Maybe I never will. But I will find a new normal then. I am damn sick of surgeries, I can tell you that. I have heard it can take a year for your body to recover after surgery. What happens when you pile four of them into a year? It can also take a year or so to recover from chemo--so where on earth does that leave me?? Just ranting a bit here folks. I wish it was "over". It is slowing down. But, it isn't "over". Just an FYI--I mainly decided to post this for anyone that may be going through all of this crap to know that it is normal to not feel "done" just b/c treatment is.

My left side is still sore on and off. I am really, really trying to be good, but it is so damn hard. I am thinking of taping that arm to my side. It was really bothering me yesterday, but the funny thing is, I thought I was being good yesterday. It was even hurting while I was sleeping. Or should I say trying to sleep. Dr. Borders did recommend Black Cohosh for the hot flashes. I have only taken it for a few days, no relief yet. I guess I should call my onc's office and make sure it is ok to take.

Well, I am off to enjoy the peace and quiet before the girls get home.

Halloween 2007

Oooowwwwie!!

Ok, Ok. I may have done to much. Well actually I have been. But I'll tell you what, I feel so good most of the time, and there is so much to do that it is sooo hard not to do it! I have been going non-stop--so much for taking it easy! I also have been lifting more than I should. It is so much easier and quicker to just do it myself, than to ask someone else, or wait til someone else comes home! Ann came by to drop off the tables, cooler and crock pots after our Halloween party--and I felt like such an idiot standing there watching her unload the stuff!!

Thank goodness this is the last year the girls have a fun fair at school! I was absolutely exhausted afterwards. I had the lollipop tree-sounds easy-but my back was killing me, and I needed a nap when I was done! Didn't really enjoy Halloween like I normally would b/c I was so tired. Oh well, next year they won't have a fair--and Halloween is on a Friday--so that should be awesome! The girls had one of their little friends over to Trick or Treat with, and I was just not in the mood for the extra person around. All the giggling, and talking non stop, and sugar rushes--YIKES!

Thursday I took the girls to school and picked them up. They had parties in their classroom and could bring blankets and pillows, but obviously couldn't bring that stuff on the bus. I also ran up to Spirit Halloween to shop the 50% off sale (plus another 20% off with the email coupon I had). Didn't get a lot--but I figure I can slowly add to my display each year. We had the girls' conferences Thursday night. They are doing awesome of course. Jenna is super quiet. Her teachers can't believe she talks--and I can't believe she is that quiet!! Haley's teacher said she is mature for her age.

No school Friday-we didn't do a whole lot. Jenna went with a friend and her grandpa to run errands, and Haley and I just chilled. Friday night we went to the High School play. It was pretty good. There were a couple of the girls that were really good. One played an older lady that was hard of hearing, and the other a ditz (and she isn't blond). One of our favorite lines from the play "why is everyone staring at me as if I hiccuped in church".

Saturday we went coat shopping. Their last coat lasted them 2 years, so I can't complain. After that we stopped at Grandma and Grandpa W's since we wouldn't be able to go today. Today we had their cheerleading banquet. I think if they are in cheerleading next year we will skip the banquet. It is nice to be able to chat with some of the people, but we really don't need to be there. When they are reading off the kids names, there are way too many people talking to understand what is being said. It is the kids and adults.

Well, I DVR'd Desperate Housewives--I think I will go watch that then head off to bed.