Yeah for a Clean House!!!

I had someone come and clean the house today. Yes, you read that right. I am so happy with the way it turned out. She did such a wonderful job, and it is one less thing for me to worry about! I will not claim to be a great housekeeper, but it was starting to drive me nuts! I haven't been able to get in there and clean really good for awhile. Between surgeries and recovery, treatments, dr appts, running with the girls, and just plain not being up to par yet, cleaning has taken a back seat. Well, now I am happy. I know it won't stay this way long, but I will enjoy it while it does. And the fact that I get all afternoon to enjoy it before the girls come home and begin to destroy it, that is just icing on the cake! This will also help to keep me from doing things I shouldn't be doing. I vacuumed the other night b/c it was killing me, and man did that hurt. I was walking around with my left hand on my right boob while I did it.

Make sure you look at the next post too. It is a slide show of our Halloween pictures.

This past Thursday I had my yearly with Dr. Borders. Left there very sad. I have to find a new OB/GYN. He doesn't take our insurance (it switched last December). He flat out said that they don't pay enough. He has been in this business for 17 years--and doesn't need to work with insurance companies like that. He was the first dr I was ever comfortable with. I really had to keep myself busy the rest of the day so I wouldn't think about it, I was actually tearing up over it. Riverside has a couple of female ob's I will probably call one of them. I should do it soon though, as I am wanting to get these ovaries yanked.

Saturday the girls had their Speech competition. With John working nights he was able to go too, which was nice. Although I am sure he was really tired when he did get home. My mom went with too. I was so nervous for them. I definitely could not have done that at their age. Not too sure I could even do it now! They did AWESOME! I am so proud of them. They did a skit with 3 other girls. While the girls were waiting thier turn, they all looked so nervous, I was getting even more nervous for them. But once they got out there--WOW. I am amazed! I really wish I could have taped it. They got 2cnd place. Which I think is awesome for their first time out. They don't think it is so great of course. You could just tell the whole rest of that day that Jenna was so proud of herself. She was on cloud 9. Haley was proud of herself too I believe, but she didn't show it. Jenna is the one I was worried about. Haley is more outgoing, and has even said she would like to do commercials, or get into acting. Jenna needed this. I was shocked when she said she wanted to do it. And glad. I hope this helps her to not be as shy. Her teacher would have never believed that was her!

Yesterday I showed a home in the area to a couple that Michelle gave my number to. Thank you Michelle. They seemed to really see potential with the house, so we will see what happens.

I am in the process of writing the Christmas letter. I haven't done one for awhile, but feel like I should this year. I am trying not to make it too long.

I am debating going to the YSC conference in Feb. I haven't even talked to John about it yet, as I am not sure I want to go. I mean I want to, but don't really know if I should, or if I could with a clear conscience. It is in Jacksonville, Florida--Feb 22-24th. It would be nice to meet some of the ladies I chat with. It would be nice to hang out with people that know exactly where I am coming from. But, we are going to Vegas the following weekend, and the girls birthday is the 25th. I would be home for their birthday, but would have to have any parties on the 16th or 17th. Which I'm sure they wouldn't mind having their b-day early. I would be gone 2 weekends in a row. Don't know if I really can do that. Although John would be home on the weekend. The girls have that Friday off-So I would need someone to watch them then. If I did go, I think I would fly out Thursday and back in the afternoon on Sunday. But it is so darn far away. Not sure what to do. Never went that far by myself either. So that would be a bit strange. I guess I need to figure this out!

On the YSC bb lately, there has been talk about how frustrating it is that people just don't "get it". They are speaking of the fact that once treatment is done, they are treated as if they are "cured" and that they are "back to normal" or should be. I really hope that no one here ever "gets it". B/c that would mean you have been through this yourself. And I know a few of you already have. This isn't all done b/c treatment is over. Hopefully I will not recur. I am holding onto that and living as if it won't. If--and I do mean if--it does return I will deal with it then. But there will always be that little nagging voice at the back of my head. The plan is to stomp it out most of the time. I will always have the wonderful memories (and yes, I am being sarcastic) and scars from this last year. I am still going through some things emotionally, and don't know how long that will last. I don't feel "normal" yet, and don't know when I will. Maybe I never will. But I will find a new normal then. I am damn sick of surgeries, I can tell you that. I have heard it can take a year for your body to recover after surgery. What happens when you pile four of them into a year? It can also take a year or so to recover from chemo--so where on earth does that leave me?? Just ranting a bit here folks. I wish it was "over". It is slowing down. But, it isn't "over". Just an FYI--I mainly decided to post this for anyone that may be going through all of this crap to know that it is normal to not feel "done" just b/c treatment is.

My left side is still sore on and off. I am really, really trying to be good, but it is so damn hard. I am thinking of taping that arm to my side. It was really bothering me yesterday, but the funny thing is, I thought I was being good yesterday. It was even hurting while I was sleeping. Or should I say trying to sleep. Dr. Borders did recommend Black Cohosh for the hot flashes. I have only taken it for a few days, no relief yet. I guess I should call my onc's office and make sure it is ok to take.

Well, I am off to enjoy the peace and quiet before the girls get home.