Desperate Housewives..

Which one are you?? Or for the guys, which one should you marry?

Click here to take the quiz.

I am Susan. I don't mind that at all. I absolutely love Terri Hatcher. Read her book-"Burnt Toast" last summer before all hell broke loose! Her and I are very similar.

I actually consider myself to be a mix between Lynette and Susan.

Bad Attitude...

That seems to be me lately. Nothing I can put my finger on. I am angry, sad, upset, all in one. I can be totally fine one minute and the smallest thing can set me off. Today is better so far--hopefully it will stay that way. I think all of this cancer crap is finally "hitting" me. I have heard from other ladies about a tough time after treatment or when it slows down. I thought I would be lucky and not have that, esp since I have been able to shake most of this off. But I think that may actually be a big part of my problem right now. Maybe all of my problem. I think about all that I have been through, physically, mentally, emotionally, and it just really gets to me. I hope I get past this soon. I usually can shake things off by now. I guess this may be a kind of grieving process I may be going through. If that is the case, I guess it is best to let it run it's course. Otherwise, it will come back to bite me again. It doesn't help that I have been hearing so much lately about ladies with mets. There are a few on the YSC boards that have found out the cancer has come back, or are going through a scare about that right now. I try not to think about this. I try to keep the mind set that I have this beat and it will not be back. But when hearing these stories it is hard to keep that frame of mind. I am coming out on the other side of this, but yet far from done. Hot Flashes due to chemo pause are still an issue, as well as other menopause issues. Who knows if my period will come back or if it is gone for good. Mixed feelings on this. I don't miss it, but feel I am too young for this, and the symptoms suck. But if my period comes back, I will have to go through this all again--I think anyway. My balance is off. Walking down the bleachers at the girls' games, something that should not be a problem, I feel like I may fall. Even stepping down from a step that is a little high. Chemo brain, drs are finally studying this. I can be thinking or talking about something and totally lose my train of thought. Think--knowing someones name, knowing you know the word you want to use, but it won't come out. I know we all go through this, but it happens sveral times a day to me. Think--going to a room to do something and forgetting what that was by the time you get there. Again, everyone does this, but I do it all the time. TMI for some---bowel movements are still not back to normal either. I was a once a day, maybe miss a day type of gal. Now,3 times a day on average.

My girlfriend said the other day that she notices herself being more outspoken since turning 40. This could be part of my problem too. I no longer feel the need to keep my mouth shut to keep others happy. I no longer feel I should let people walk on me to keep the peace. Is this b/c I turned 40?? Or b/c of the cancer, and facing my mortality, realizing that life is too short for this shit??

Ok, enough rambling.

Haley got up this morning and acted as my personal trainer. She does all that conditioning in gymnastics and I need to do something. We did not do the hour that she does sometimes. There wasn't enough time, and obviously I wouldn't be able to do that. It was a good start though. I have about a month until my surgery. I would like to be on the road to losing weight by then. Ten pounds by then would be a good start. I want some strength by then to make recovery easier (not that I had it too bad last time,and this time the girls will be in school and John at work during the week, so I will have the daytime to relax.). I won't be able to use my upper body for much for six weeks. But anyway, I need to lose the weight--but I also want these new boobs to appear bigger. I am "filled" to the max-720 cc's. When I get the implants they will be 800cc's. They are also high profile(stick out more), the expanders are under my arms also (think walking like a linebacker!)and that will all be out front. She is also going to make a "pocket" to put the implant in that will help me look fuller and the cleavage look nice. But....she said to expect a C cup. I guess that is ok, I was hoping more for a large C maybe even a small D. I might as well get something out of this crap! The implants are only made so big though. Another stumbling point in this long road! So, if I lose weight, the boobs start to appear bigger-I can't lose the weight there!

Well, I am off. I have some things to get done this morning so I can hopefully enjoy the pool this afternoon. I am hoping that the water isn't too cold!! Don't forget to check out my next post on finding your pirate name!!

This week is Hithcock week on AMC!!!! They also have a show on Thursday nights called Mad Men. It is kind of quirky--but worth another look. I have only seen it once. I may have to watch some of them On Demand to see if I really like it, or if it is just something to watch when nothing else is on.

Pirate Name

There is a site where you can take a quiz and get your pirate name. Here is mine.....

My pirate name is:

Iron Charity Flint

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Surgery Date

I got the call yesterday--my swap out surgery is on October 15th. I can't wait. Not that I am looking forward to surgery, but I am looking forward to feeling normal again. I am also glad these expanders will be gone. I have been very uncomfortable the past few weeks. Not in pain, just uncomfortable. There is a pressure on my ribs. It makes it hard to find a comfortable position, hard to sleep too. I have been stretching, and sitting in funny positions when no one is around to try and help it. This then leads to my back hurting. But it is almost over!! At least this part anyway.

Had my appt with my cardiologist yesterday. (That still sounds wrong anytime I think of it!). Did the ultrasound first. The lady that does that is so sweet. The first couple of times she was telling me about her sister that had had breast cancer 5 years ago, and how she was doing. Well, yesterday she informed me that the cancer has metastasized in her sister. This is so sad to hear. It can still be overcome, and her sister is bound and determined to beat this. But it really sucks to hear that anyone has to go through any of this again. She has a blog also. Please check it out, and keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

As for my appt--things were fine. The leaky valve is leaking a little less. My ejection fraction number (EF#) is 58. It was 62, but as long as it doesn't go down more than 10 points, it's ok. More than 10 points and you have to stop the herceptin for it to come back up. The EF measures your hearts pumping rate. This and the leak are things she believes will resolve themselves when I am finished with the herceptin.

Well, insurance totaled John's truck. This really sucks. Luckily we have great family and friends that have cars/trucks that he can use right now. That way we don't feel pressured to get something right this second. When you do that you end up-paying to much, getting something and hating it, or getting a piece of garbage. He is in New Hampshire this weekend for...(say it all together now..)..races. Soon he starts the outage and will be working 7/12's. Which cuts down on looking time. I am so grateful that he didn't get hurt, especially since he doesn't wear a seat belt.

The girls and I went to the high school game last night. It was cold!! They were performing at halftime with the HS cheerleaders. They did great. I video taped it, I will have to play around with it and see if I can get closer up on it. If it looks ok-I will try to post it here. I hate to do this, but we left as soon as they were done. I had been sitting out there since about 6 (they were in the school) it was about 9 when they finished. I was freezing!! I am such a wimp when it comes to being cold. I also have a cold, and didn't want that getting worse. When we left the score was 7-7.

The girls have their Homecoming game tonight. It is a night game, their game should be around 6. Hopefully we will be done around 7:30. I really don't want to be getting cold again!

Oh--I almost forgot about the PS appt. You know me, I never say boo--I just accept things and move on basically. Well, I got to the office a few minutes early for my 12:30 appt. This lady walks in behind me, and they inform her that her appt isn't until 2:30. She does this "oh really--I left work, I thought it was now, hmmmmm". They said they would squeeze her in. Then...they take her back first!! I couldn't believe it. Me, on time---her, 2 hours early. Me, waiting---her,going straight back!!! I didn't get called back til 12:45. I know that isn't a long time, but it is the principal of it! When I went back I told the nurse I wasn't happy with that. Yes, she left work to get there, but I do have other things to do too!!! The nurse that runs things came in to apologize, and gave me some chocolate for my troubles. Then I am waiting in there til 1:20 before the dr comes in. The "squeeze in" appt took 45 minutes!! The nurse came in and apologized again and brought me a small bottle of water. Thank goodness, I was starving. I didn't eat lunch, I didn't figure I would be in there that long! My appt took some time between the fill and talking over all the surgery stuff! I didn't get out of there until 2:20! By this time I was getting a terrible headache from not eating. All I wanted to do was get home before the girls (and we had a busy night ahead of us) and eat something. I would take alternate routes knowing that certain routes had construction and would run into more construction!! And people that could not do the speed limit! At one point I was behind someone doing 35 in a 55--and of course I couldn't get around them! AAARRRGHG!!! It felt like I was never going to get home! Obviously I finally did. Oh-- and the nurse apologized on the way out. She said she did make the wrong call on that one, that she didn't think that appt would last anywhere near that long.

On a lighter note--someone from the YSC board posted about this website. Perpetual Kid. You HAVE to check this out. They have some funny stuff on there! They even have a punching bag with a slot to add someones face to it!! It is probably like a kid's punching bag, but I may have to get it. I have really needed a punching bag lately--I think it would be an awesome stress reliever!!

Off to write a note for cheerleading. One month and we will be done with that too!! Yeah!!

Great Start

Well it was a Friday--but not the 13th. Although you wouldn't have know that from the luck John had yesterday morning.

He has to leave for work at around 4:15 am (Yikes!!). Well, around 8 I got a phone call from him saying that he had been in an accident. He is fine thankfully! We are waiting on the fate of the truck however. Not sure if insurance will fix it or total it.

Apparently it was a construction area, and someone in the left hand lane-a few cars ahead of John-stopped for no reason. He only knows this b/c the semi driver had seen it. The car in front of John then stopped. He knew there was no way he was going to stop in time, so he looked to his right, didn't notice anything and tried to swing into the right hand lane. Well, there was a semi there. He thinks he hit the trailer. There was no damage to the semi. John thinks he may have bounced off the trailer and back into the car in front of him. Luckily no one was hurt. The semi driver stayed to talk with the police then headed out--he had no damage to report. The car in front had some damage. And of course John got a ticket b/c he assholed the guy in front. Oh, and the person who caused all of this by stopping in the middle of the road??? Gone. That's right. Whether they realized they caused an accident or not, I don't know, but they left. Real nice huh??

I also am wondering--what on earth do the ins. agents do??? We have never had a claim before, so are totally unsure on how to handle it. We went to the ins office (which was closed for lunch--so we had to wait around an hour--that's small town for you, not even something to tell you when they would be back) and of course the agent isn't there. I have never seen him there. Not that I am in there a ton, but the few times I have stopped in, never there. I realize at most offices, the secretary does a lot of the tedious work. John explains to her what happened and she proceeds to dial the main office or whatever, and hands the phone to John!! We could have done this at home! He is on the phone for 20- 30 minutes answering their questions. Now she did say they would have a lot of questions and it is easier just to have him talk to them direct. So as we go to leave John mentions that if he has any questions, he guesses he could give her a call. She tells him that the main office takes it from here on out! Which is fine, but again leads me back to my original question, what on earth do the ins agents do?? If any of you are ins agents out there, please leave a comment in reply to this.

Well, off to the girls game. They had said it was going to be 77 today. They lied!

Quick Update..

I had another PS appt today. We did the last fill on the right--I have one more on the left to go. (Remember, we couldn't fill the first time b/c of fluid). We are looking at early Oct. for the swap out date. YEAH!!!! It is an outpatient procedure, and on a scale of 1-10 the pain will probably be about a 3-so not bad. The restrictions will be the same as last time though. There will be internal stitches holding the implant in place, and we don't want them to pop! It will be so nice, no awesome, to get this step done!! I haven't had a "normal" body since January. Yes, with the expanders I have bumps that look decent under loose shirts. But they are odd shaped, and a little lumpy, so wearing tighter shirts really isn't an option right now. And with getting the surgery done the first part of Oct. my lifting restrictions should be up right around Thanksgiving. Which would be good, we all know how crazy it gets after that!! It will be a year in Oct since all of this has started, it will be nice to be basically done, and start working on putting this behind me.

I will fill in more details at a later time, for those interested. Right now we need to eat.

Can I Tell You....

I really like going to the High School football games. Last night was an absolutely beautiful night out too. It did get a little chilly in the end, but you couldn't ask for better football weather. It didn't look too good during most of the game, Dwight scored early, but in the last couple of minutes they pulled it off and won the game! Same as last week. 7-6.

Did not sleep well at all again last night. Didn't want to take the Ativan as I had taken it for two nights and wanted to see what happened. Well, I fell asleep for about a half hour, then woke up and had a hard time sleeping the rest of the night. This really sucks! If I get woke up because of hot flashes or anything, it takes me FOREVER to fall back asleep. And the worst is when I just dose off and get woke up. I am going to have to break down and call the dr. I need another dr appt like I need a hole in my head! But I do need to sleep. I can get quiet cranky if I am tired.

Poor Scrappy. I'm not sure what is wrong with him. He has been itching at his eyes and they now look real nasty. He has also been licking/chewing his feet, and just doesn't seem like himself. I have an appt for him Tuesday. Hopefully he doesn't go crazy before then. The girls had Alivia spending the night last night, and Scrappy bit her! I still can't believe it!! I mean I know it is true, but is so unlike him. He didn't break the skin, which is good. At least I don't think he did. Alivia says he didn't, but the bite is on her butt and she wouldn't let me see it.

The girls have a game today, then we are off to help Susie and B move into their new house. John is up there now. Of course by the time we get there-it will probably be done!

I did get in to clean out the pool yesterday. It actually ended up being pretty nice out. With all these leaves falling I will have to get in there again tomorrow. So tough!!