Happy Memorial Day.....

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Still....

This is getting crazy. I still don't feel right. The achiness is there, although better than it was. The constant acid reflux is driving me nuts. The fingertip numbness, which at least comes and goes. The god awful taste in my mouth that I can't get rid of. The port that once again feels like it wants to pop out of my chest! And last night (in the middle of the night) for some reason my belly was upset---I spent 2 hours sitting in the bathroom, afraid to leave it. I have a week until I do this all over again, for the last time at least. No Nuelasta shot next time, so I will have to be more careful. Another reason I don't know if I'll be staying at the walk. So, about the time I am feeling more normal from the chemo, I will be down from surgery. We are looking at the second week in July before I start feeling semi normal again. That seems so far out. I know it really isn't. But it sure seems that way. That is really bothering me lately. I am so sick of all of this crap. We had to run to Home Depot last night, and it wore me out! I was looking for a place to sit down. I was sore and tired! How sad is that? And today we have a picnic. I am getting to hate the fake hair and fake boobs. Don't feel like wearing them, but don't want to go without. I cannot wait to give that stuff up!! And I will probably be seeing some people I haven't seen in awhile. I SO do not want to talk about this crap at all today. I guess I will just have to say that. I know they are concerned, but I do not want to spend my day being cancer girl.

Achy, Achy Go Away....

..and don't come back another day!! This is driving me absolutely crazy. I feel like I am 175 years old. I have to get up super slow, I can't get anywhere fast. And the ache is everywhere. The plus is that this only lasts 3-4 days (yes--I actually said ONLY), where the nausea was the full two weeks. I don't believe I will be walking much at the Relay this year. I will be in this "achy" window then too. Although, at least it will be the last one. Honestly, my wrist is killing me too, so this will be a short post. I will be taking a vicadin soon to help with this. While we were out watching the pool fill (kind of goes with watching paint dry!) my eyes did this funky thing. If I closed one eye I could see ok, but with both open, I was seeing double. And my left eye felt funny. I will have to mention that to the dr next time.

Have a safe Memorial Day Weekend!!

Friday....

This won't be a long post. I am completely uncomfortable. I ache everywhere, and can't get comfortable in any position. I was trying to help John mark where the pool would be going last night and everything was cramping up. On the plus side--I did sleep last night, finally. I took some of the Lorazepam I got quite a while back to help. Five hours sleep in two days is just not enough!!

Ok--for those of you who voted for Jill's boobs the past few days (see May 21 entry)--Thank you!! She made the top five!! Now we need to vote again. Click here-her picture is the one with the cancer sucks stickers where her nipples should be, with the pink feather boa around them. She is doing this to raise awareness, please help her win!!

Have a great Friday!! And don't forget that the new Pirates of the Caribbean is now out!!

I only have on More....

You have to sing that in your head like you are teasing someone. Add the na-na-na-na-na behind it if it helps!! One more Taxol and I am D-O-N-E!! That will be cause for celebration! About the time I should be feeling more normal I will be having surgery. But at least that won't cause nausea or body aches(well only in one area--and I'll be expecting that!), I will just be laid up for 1-2 weeks, and have restrictions for 4 more. But the surgery is working towards giving me something back-and then some! I might as well get something out of this!

I tell you going in for the chemo is hard. Knowing how I will feel, and with the Taxol--how long of a day it will be! The girls asked why I packed a lunch, so I was explaining it to them. They didn't seem to think it was too long. Jenna says-well there is a tv. Yes, but I don't really like daytime tv. And having to sit it that chair for so long! I have been borrowing Haley's dvd player and rewatching the first season of Lost. Of course by 11 I can't focus, so I turn it off then. So today I kept a list of times etc. to show them. Here is the breakdown.
8:35--draw blood/take vitals/stick port
8:45-Back to chair
10:07-see dr
10:20-Back to chair again
10:25-Pre med #1 Aloxi(anti-nausea) and decadron(steroid)
10:45-Pre med #2 Benedryl-sleepy time!! Don't even try to fight it!
11:00-Pre med #3 Pepcid
11:30-Taxol
2:30-Herceptin
3:05-Done--finally!!

I did ask the dr a few questions about my pathology that I had been meaning to ask him. On the YSC list, someone will say they are sleeping with NED (meaning No Evidence of Disease). I didn't think I could claim that until chemo was done. Even though I knew the chemo was a precaution. Well, I have been NED since surgery! Woo-Hoo. Not really any news I guess, just hadn't been given that designation officially before.

Vascular invasion was another concern, as cancer can travel through your blood stream as well as the lymph nodes. No evidence of that (obviously since I am NED!!!). And as far as staging, I was originally told stage 1 on the left and stage 2b on the right. I didn't think that was right. I think the last dr just looked at the tumor size when he answered. 2b is over 2 cm with lymph nodes involved. 2a-can be over 2 cm (my tumor was 2.1cm) if there are no lymph nodes involved. I did get this cleared up today with the new dr. Not much of a difference, but I will take it!!

There was a support group meeting tonight that I had planned on attending. They are normally the same night as my board meetings (third Monday), so I was happy this one was on Tuesday. But I was so tired when I got home, and not feeling the greatest, I didn't go. I really didn't want to drive back to Kankakee tonight either. Now of course the steroids have really kicked in, and who knows when I will get to sleep. When I first came home, I could have fallen asleep then!

I forgot to mention yesterday that I had a PS appt. Nothing really to report there. Just a pre op appt. Went over all the legal stuff they have to go over, gave me the prescriptions to get filled, and reminded me that I have to get a front close sport bra. I think she said you can get them at Target. I need to call back though and ask what size to get??

I made the avatar on the right at Meez. This is me having a hot flash(ok--fantasy version of me!)!! Lovely chemo pause. I haven't had too many yet-but yikes. Night sweats I am kind of used to, although they are still gross, I used to get those around my period.

Night night folks!!

Checking in....

Where on earth does the time go?? We finally got the cable issue with our tv straightened out. Yes that is right. Our small town has finally hit the big time!! Sewer and cable in the same year!

The owner of the Coldwell Banker Honig Bell (CBHB) offices has season sky box tickets for the Jackhammer games (minor league baseball). Every year he gives each of his 16 (or is it 17 now?) offices a turn to go to a game. Our turn came early this year, this past Friday. John and I went. It is always a nice night out. Food and drinks are included. The games always seem to run late when we go. This one was 13 innings! And unfortunately they lost. We didn't get home until midnight, and John had to be up at 4:30 for work.

Saturday Haley had her showcase at gymnastics. She did well. I need to remember to try my camera on the sport setting to see if it is faster. I missed alot by taking the pics, and I could have had some great shots-but by the time it took the pic it was too late.

There is a lady on the YSC boards that is taking part in a radio contest. The contest is who has the best implants. She is using this forum to raise awareness of breast cancer, esp in younger women. If she wins she is going to donate any money to the YSC. The radio station is also donating to breast cancer awareness. I am asking you to go to the site and vote for her. You can only vote once, so pass it along to anyone else you think may vote. They pick the finalist on Friday, so please do this now. There is a spot where they ask for your phone number, I have to be honest, this always bothers me. I "accidentally" switched a couple of numbers around. Her boobs are named "100% Silicone Cancer Free" and have pink stickers where her nipples would be (if she had nipples!) that say "cancer sucks!" She also has a pink boa on. (Sixth row, first column, when I was voting.) Click here to vote.

Shhhhh.....the girls still don't know about this yet. The pool is getting delivered Wednesday and installed Thursday. I need to find out where I can get it filled. They will know Wednesday night obviously. I just didn't want them knowing super early and asking 50 million times when it would be set up. Even though they are fully capable of reading a calendar!

Well, I am off to bed. Or to at least try to go to sleep. Having a hard time with that lately.

Happy Wednesday

Nothing really to report here. Went in yesterday for my Herceptin. I call ahead of time (the dr writes the prescription the week before) and they have it waiting when I get there. I didn't go until the afternoon, we had cable set up in the morning. Cable, internet and soon, phone. Which means I get to tell Verizon to take a flying leap-YEAH! I left the drs office at 2:20. The thermometer in the car said 86. It was a little nasty looking. On the way home, I first ran into some dust storms, then a downpour. From the dr office to Essex Rd, the temperature dropped 22 degrees! There were some huge tree limbs down on the way home, one barely missing a house. Luckily, none of our trees were damaged.

Don't forget the links on the right. Our Relay is June 8th and 9th. The 3-day walk is August 10th-12th. Please make your donations today--while you are thinking of it.

Is it June 5th yet??

Well, I am not nauseous that is good. I am extremely achy though. I think that is better, but still sucks!! And this is not an achy I can explain. It is way deeper than a flu ache. It is mostly from my hips down, but I do get aches on the upper portion of my body too. On the ride home last night I had a pain in my ribs. I get up to walk and my heels will hurt. Last time this lasted about 3 days. This time it has been a little over 3 days, starting Thursday night. I am hoping it goes away later today-tomorrow at the latest. Tylenol and hot baths don't help. I am really hoping this doesn't last longer each time. Only 2 more treatments and I can't wait! Walking in the Relay will be interesting with this ache! One of the other side effects of Taxol is neuropathy--numbing of the fingers and toes. I am taking vitamin B6 three times a day to help with this. I noticed Friday though that the index finger on my right had is numbing. The left hand index finger is too, but the right is worse. This hopefully goes away when treatment is done.

Mother's day was nice. The girls got me a Teddy Bear (LOVE teddy bears!) and a stuffed eagle bobble head. They are cute, and sitting on my computer desk. My mom and dad got me something too!! They got me a tree rose. I have always wanted one of those. I can't wait to see what it looks like in the middle of summer on the deck!

Friday I got a call from the school to pick up Haley. She had managed to get a paper cut on her eye. I couldn't see anything, and her eye wasn't even bloodshot. I took her to the dr though, I didn't want it to get worse over the weekend, when the dr is gone. The way they find the scratch is kind of cool. They put this dye in her eye, then use a black light to find it. The scratch was way off to the side. He said we didn't need to cover it, and gave us a prescription for an antibiotic. Honestly, I have given her the antibiotic. Unless you ask her about it, she forgets she has the scratch. I hate to put something in her eye, even medicine.

It is supposed to be 90 today!! That is insane! It is too early in the year for that. Jenna will come home crabby, wanting to know why the air isn't turned on. I have to admit that I will be tempted today, but with tomorrow only supposed to be 76, it doesn't seem worth it.

Happy Mother's Day

Ok--A little late in the day to post this. But, better late than never!


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Cancer Sucks!!

Got your attention?? Of course everyone knows this don't they. Even if you are one of the lucky ones to never have dealt with having cancer yourself. I talk quite a bit about the YSC boards I go onto, and that they are extremely helpful, and they are. There are some truly awesome women on there. The thing that gets to me sometimes is the worry about the cancer coming back. I know that I will probably think about this from time to time. But maybe I am niave. I am choosing to believe that once I am done with this, that is it. I really don't think it will be back. We caught it early, no node involvement (I know it can travel through the veins and do want to ask my onc about that), chemo is just a precaution b/c of my age. Therefor--I will be done! Now I know there are women who have early stage bc that get metastatic cancers. I know it does happen. It has actually been happening quite a bit on the boards lately. So, like I said, maybe I am niave. But I refuse to let this steal anymore of my life than it has. IF it were ever to come back, I will deal with it then. I don't want to spend even one minute worrying about whether I will see my girls grow up. I can't. Some people leave their port in, just in case. Huh?? No thank you. That thing drives me insane!! It will not be needed again and is going bye bye--in another year.

I am know this is a bit of a rant. I just really needed to get that off my chest (ha!).

I went to get my Nuelasta shot today. Feeling pretty good. I wish this damn steroid would wear off!! I didn't fall asleep until around 3 last night, and was up at 7 for our normal morning routine, and have been going all day--obviously still awake now!! This is all from the IV one they gave me! I haven't taken any of the ones I have here. Oh well, 2 more cycles of this and I will be done!!

Three Fourths, One Half....

Three quarters of the way done with chemo, Halfway done with Taxol. Either way you say it, it means ALMOST DONE!! Another long day today. Pretty uneventful though--which is good! I dozed off for a little bit. I try to fight that Benedryl, it just doesn't work!! That stuff knocks me out!! I started rewatching the first season of Lost. I got through episode 1 and part of 2 before I couldn't keep my eyes open. I am curious to see what I pick up on now that the show is in its 3rd season. I could have watched more, but I watched Oprah first. Did anyone see this?? She had a woman on that had been verbally and physically abused by her husband, and he had his 13 year old son tape it one time. Yes, video tape. Oprah talked to the (ex)wife today-Live, she also talked to the sons, that is set to air May 24th. I think I will have to watch that one too. It is amazing-and not in a good way. I cannot fathom why the man wanted it taped. I guess it was to show her what she is doing wrong. Can you believe it?? She divorced him, and he is serving 36 years in jail. Not even able to get parole for 18 years. Scary Stuff! Yesterday Oprah had on Criss Angel. He is awesome, managed to freak Oprah out a couple of times. I think that might be kind of easy to do. For those that don't know Criss Angel is an Illusionist that has his own show (SURPRISE!) on A&E. The new season starts June 5th I believe. You should check it out, he is good. Of course this was one of the shows where Oprah only puts the people on for a half hour. I got to tell you, I don't usually watch Oprah so two days in a row is some kind of record. Although I probably wouldn't have actually watched today if I wasn't at the Drs office.

Well I am off to find something for dinner. I just don't feel like cooking, so I think we will order out.

Busy Weekend!!

This was a busy, fun weekend! Saturday night I met up with some of the other Chicago area ladies from the YSC Bulletin Boards. This BB has been a life saver for me. If not for the women on there, this would have been a much tougher journey. It is wonderful to be able to "talk" to ladies my age that are going through the same thing. I wouldn't have known some of the questions to ask, or that something is unusual (i.e. the plastic surgeon only wanted to place one expander at a time) without them.

The girls spent the night at Grandma's Saturday night. After dropping them off, I headed to Chicago. I made pretty good time. Of course my Mapquest directions were wrong, so it took me another 15 minutes after I got into the area to find the restaurant. I wasn't really worried about not finding it, I knew I would eventually, I was worried about being late. I hate to be late. (although with kids, it seems I always am!) I was there right on time. They have valet parking for $4. I figured this was worth, trying to park can take forever! As I pull up, there is a young guy on the sidewalk in a white zip up hoodie talking on the phone. As I was gathering up my things, he walked around the car, ended his phone conversation, and opened my door. Now at this point I am thinking of the movies where someone pretends to be the valet and steals the car. He told me the valet fee, and I asked him for the ticket. He said they didn't use tickets, just tell him which car it is and he would have it parked close by. So the first thing I did when I walked into the bar, is ask the bartender if that was their valet. It was. Ok, now I could breathe again! And he did have it parked close-right in front of the restaurant!

One of the ladies was there when I walked in, although I missed her, b/c she had a guy sitting next to her, so I just kind of assumed they were together. Ooops. Others started showing up soon after. There were 7 of us total-one of the ladies brought her sister.

We sat down and started talking. I don't even know how long it was before we ordered appetizers. One of the ladies used to go to this place all the time and knew the owner, so he gave us a bottle of wine. Too bad I don't like wine! After we finally ordered and got our appetizers, it again took us forever to order our food (our fault). All in all we were there for about 5 hours. The food was served family style, so we got to try alot of different things. Found out I still don't like fish. The food was okay I thought--but I still have that funny taste in my mouth, so nothing tastes right. The food wasn't the important thing though. We never stopped talking. There was never an awkward silence. I really had a wonderful time. We will definitely do this again. Maybe even at some point with the kids.


John and I picked up the girls Sunday and headed off to Haley's Banquet. I really had no idea of what to expect. It was pretty much a reception, minus the dancing. As we walked in, Sari (the owner) handed Haley a rose and told her to take one of the picture cds on the table. We found our table, John and Jenna went for drinks and Haley and I walked around. They had some snacks set out. Dinner itself was pretty good--but again the taste thing. Haley received a participation award and she also got the spirit award for her level (this is the bigger one in the picture). One was given in each of the 9 levels. I don't remember the exact words used to describe who they give the spirit award to, but it was something along the lines of hard working and good attitude. I do have to say I never have to push Haley to go. Maybe to get out the door on time, but not to go. If she says she doesn't want to go--she is really sick!

The girls don't know about this blog--there is stuff here they don't need to know or read. So if you are talking to Haley, please don't tell her the pic is on here!! If you say something about seeing the award, tell her I emailed the picture to you. Thank you!

I am a little tired today. I do have a few things to get done today however since I will be tied up all day tomorrow at the drs. Speaking of drs. I have to pick the girls up early from school today. I absolutely hate to do this, but I have to get them their 5th grade physical, and the only time they had was 3 today. And I set this up like a month ago! The shots they have to get are a series, which is why we need to get started now.

My Wednesday

Yesterday I had to go for the Herceptin only. For some reason this can be done every week, or every 3-but not every 2. Not sure why, but ok. So I will be at the drs office every week through June 5th, then we will go to every three weeks. That will feel like a vacation!! The dr said yesterday that I could do the Herceptin every week or every three once we are done with the Taxol. He started to tell me that I had time to think about it, but I kind of cut him off. I told him I would do the every three weeks. Not that I didn't like seeing all their smiling faces, but I didn't want to be there every week! He said he understood. He also said the mix up last week shouldn't have happened. I had the Head Onc Nurse and another of the nurses come and check on me, asking if I was ok, no side effects from the mix up. I didn't want any extra poison in me, but I am ok! I know there is a lifetime limit on this stuff, not sure what it is though.

Ups and Downs

Well this has been an interesting week to say the least! Saturday I was still extremely achy (and I do mean EXTREMELY!) but felt fine otherwise. Sunday, I started out a little less achy, and feeling ok, but by the end of the day I was achy again, and tired. Friday and Saturday night I had taken Tylenol PM to help sleep and help not be achy. It worked. Took it Sunday night and it didn't help!! Yesterday and today I woke up with a bit of a sour belly. Worse today, I have a feeling (or hope anyway) that it will get better as the day goes on. Not straying to far from the bathroom for now though.

June 5th. That is what I am shooting for right now. I won't be feeling normal then, but it is my last Taxol, so within a few weeks of that I should be feeling normal! Then will be surgery--recovery for that will be similar to the mastectomy, maybe even a little stricter as far as what I can and can't do. I will have to be careful that I don't do anything to pop the internal stitches and have the expander move on me.

This weather is gorgeous!! I love having the windows open! We have even been leaving some of them open at night!

We have a busy weekend coming up. Saturday I meeting some of the Chicago area YSC ladies (the girls will be at Grandma's). Sunday we have a banquet for Haley's gymnastics. The banquet is a bit of a rip off!! The kids get in free, then it is $15 for every other family member. I realize that it would be a big expense on them to pay for everyone, but the kids have to have one adult with them to even get there, so I am thinking a better option would be to have the child and one parent covered, pay for the rest of the family. Jenn (who's 3 day link is on the right) has a can set up at gymnastics to collect money. She asked me during the Spring Program if Sari could make some kind of announcement during the banquet-I told her I would think about it. If she is just announcing that she is collecting money--I don't care. If my name will be thrown in there, I don't know. I want people to know this can happen to younger women, and putting a face to it drives this home. But I don't know if I want that moment when everyone turns around and stares! I need to talk to Haley about too and see how she feels about it.