What a Difference..

A day can make!! Yesterday I felt great!! It was the best I had felt in a long time!! I didn't take any of the meds. Now today--wow!! Tired (although I haven't slept well since Monday!), achy, watering eyes, and just all around yuck!! Hopefully tomorrow will be better!

I got a call about 2:30 today, Jenna was sick at school. When I got there to pick her up, she said she had a headache, told the teacher who basically ignored her, and she later threw up. I have to say I don't like the teacher's reaction at all. Jenna got sick during computers, and the teacher told her to go straight to the office, she didn't want her in her classroom!! How rude!! Now, I know that you can't take every kid at their word when they say they have a headache. And most headaches go away. But Jenna doesn't complain about much (not at school anyway!).

All I want to do is take a nice hot bath and go to sleep!!

Five Down, Three to Go!!

WOOHOO!! Past the halfway point!! It's all down hill from here baby!! So far I am feeling ok--but can I tell ya, it was a LONG day! John went with me, since this was a new medicine he wanted to be there in case I had a bad reaction. The nurse had actually said it was a good idea to have someone there until I saw how I reacted to the Benadryl. She said I may be too tired to drive! But more on the Benadryl later!

We got there at 8:30, did the blood pressure, temp., weight, and drew blood. Back out to the waiting room.
9:40ish, went in to see the dr. then back to the chemo area.
About 10:05 started the pre meds-Decadron, Benadryl, Aloxi (anit-nausea) and Pepcid.
11:20 started Taxol (3 hr drip!!)
2:20 started Herceptin (so we thought!) nurse actually started someone else's bag-cytoxan (the C in AC)!!! Only 25 ml--Thank goodness!!
2:30 started Hercpetin--for real this time! (One and a half hour drip!!)
4:00-DONE!

Now the Benadryl--The nurse had said it will make you sleepy and boy, she was not kidding!! Within 5 minutes of taking it, I felt loopy! And cold--a sure sign that you are getting tired! For me anyway! I had been reading when they started the drip, and actually thought I might finish the book today. Then all of the sudden, I am reading the same sentence over and over, and still not understanding what I read. So I laid back and closed my eyes. I don't think I really fell asleep, I could still hear everything that was going on. The only time I actually slept I think was when John went to the cafeteria for lunch. (I had packed a lunch, and he brought me back some pudding!) By the time we left, I was a little tired, but definitely able to function! Good thing to, I had to take Haley to gymnastics tonight. (She hurt her hand and I needed to talk to her coach.) Then back to pick up her, and dinner. This whole time I was kind of tired. After we ate, I seemed to wake up--of course!! I was so tired earlier that I didn't think I would stay awake to watch LOST (love it!!), now, here I am. Not sure if the food woke me up, or the steroids have really kicked in.

When I go in two weeks, I think I will bring one of the girl's dvd player. Maybe I will watch the old episodes of LOST and see what I missed the first time!

This medicine isn't supposed to make me as nauseous --fingers crossed! I asked if I should still take the anti-nausea meds and the steroids. The dr said to try cutting back from 3 days after to 2, if that is ok-then 1 and see how that goes, then cut them out all together if I feel comfortable with that. If you read this blog with an regularity, you know I hate taking pills! SOOO I think I will try taking them tomorrow and that is it. Then, if that works, next time not take them.

On a completely different note, I had to go to the office yesterday to take my continuing education test to be able to keep my license. It was easy. One hundred T/F questions. So, if I missed a few, I'll still be fine.

After that was the New Lenox luncheon--to update us on all that is happening in NL. It was pretty much the same stuff we had already heard about, or that had been in the paper. The service at House of Hughes was pretty bad too, I must say. Of course they only had about 2 waitresses working with 80 people!! And it was free for us, so I guess you just deal with that!

Well, I am off to try and get myself to fall asleep!!

Almost Normal

That is how I feel today. My stomach is slightly upset, and my eyes are still watery/itchy, but I'll take it!! This is the most normal I have felt in awhile. Hopefully it lasts until the next treatment.

The weather is beautiful!!! It can stay just like this forever!! This is perfect! I started cleaning out the grill yesterday. It has been so long since I have used it. The burners still work--I was surprised. There was a wasp or hornets nest in the lid--John got that out for me. I am working on cleaning the racks now. I sprayed them with a cleaner yesterday, but that wasn't cutting it. So I am trying a trick my dad told me about, putting them in a plastic bag. Hopefully this will work. I need to stop by HOBO and see about new cushions for our chairs, and a new table or glass top. Our chair cushions are soooo faded! And the table top, we never replaced after it was broke in that storm.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!!

Some info...

I have been doing a little reading on the Internet about the tragedy at Virginia Tech. Here are some links you may find interesting...

What one victim's family had to say.

Tribute Page to the victims.

Like I stated yesterday, Cho's family has a tough road ahead of them also. This is their comment on how this has effected them. Maybe that isn't the best way to word it, but it has the family's statement about the situation.

There are many other links on the above pages--if you wish to read that much. The most important link is the tribute obviously.

What is almost even more sickening are all the copycat threats that schools are receiving. What is wrong with people?

I hope you get a chance to enjoy the weekend! It is supposed to be nice!

Same Old..

I am still here.. for those who check on a regular basis. I haven't written lately for a couple of reasons, I haven't felt like it, and there is really nothing new to report. I get tired of writing (and your probably tired of reading) about how I feel. It really hasn't changed much. I wish I could say that it has. I'm waiting!

Back in January, before surgery, I was supposed to meet up with the IL gals from the YSC, that didn't happen because it was supposed to snow (it didn't). Well we have now set a new date of May 5th. I'm sure we won't have to worry about snow this time!

I have a date to begin the reconstruction process. June 27th at 12:30. Dr. S had said she is planning on keeping me overnight, b/c of how far I live from the hospital, but that if I am ready to go home that night, she will let me. Well, you know me a hospitals, I will be doing all I can to go home that night! This surgery is to place the expanders, which will stretch the muscle and skin to make room for the implant. An uncomfortable, but necessary process. The expander is filled slowly, in my case a little every week, beginning a couple weeks after surgery. We are looking at the swap out surgery to be sometime in Sept. Different Drs do this different ways. Some are willing to fill more at a time, but do so less often. Hopefully the way she does it will make it less painful.

The girls have their Spring Program today. I will wait and go to the one tonight with John. Last year I ended up going both in the afternoon and evening, that was kind of silly! Plus I really shouldn't be hanging out around that many people right now.

I did a little bit of running in just my scarf yesterday. I really haven't had the nerve to do that yet. To drop Haley off at gymnastics--yeah b/c I wasn't getting out of the car. But I am getting tired of throwing the wig on all the time. I put it on to go vote Tuesday!! I was gone a total of 10 minutes, but had to put it on!! Yesterday I ran in the grocery store in my scarf. Not the one right in town, couldn't bring myself to do that. But the store the next town over. Small steps!!

Chicago won the Olympic bid!! Silly me, I thought that was it. I thought this was the final decision! NO! It was to decide who could put in a bid for the US!! Now we are up against places like Rome, Madrid, Prague. It would be awesome if we got it. What an experience! I might have to see about voluteering (do they have volunteers?). And just imagine the jobs it would create!! Esp for guys/gals in the trades--building all of that stuff!!!

On a completely different note, I cannot imagine how a 23 year old could be so mad, and think life was so bad, that he needed to shoot over 50 people! I mean really! Obviously my mind doesn't work like that--thank goodness! But at the "ripe" old age of 23, what could be so bad? My heart goes out to all the families effected, however they are effected. This does include the killer's family. They lost their son in the normal sense, but they also lost him in another way. The boy they knew, wasn't really who he was, that has to be hard on them. I hope that the families of those who were killed, wounded, or effected in anyway by this tragedy, are able to get the help they need. That they get through this, and are able to move on.

For those that live close to me, the library is having their book and bake sale this Saturday at 9. This is a good way to try out a book--cheap!

Still here...

I am sooo glad this is the last of the after effects of AC! This week has sucked--and I still don't feel great--but it helps knowing the next time around should be better.

There were a couple of things that helped this time around. One being that the girls didn't have school this week. When the steroids keep me up until anywhere between 2-4 am, it makes it real hard to get them up for school. And once I'm up- I can't go back to sleep. Since they are late sleepers, I have been able to get up at my own pace this week, which I believe has helped. Also, the girls spent the night with Aunt Jenny, Grandma and Grandpa Thursday night. Thursday and Friday are generally the worse days. So this helped!! Still not feeling great today, but I think if I take it slow, I will be ok.

For days 3 and 4 (the bad days) I usually rent movies. I watched "The Prestige" on Thursday. I didn't really remember what this was about, just that I had wanted to see it. It was pretty good. Yesterday I watched "Little Miss Sunshine". Wasn't overly impressed. Not really sure what all the hype was about.

In my insomnia, I caught up on some other late night movies too. The girls and I watched "Earogon" the Wednesday night. It was ok, not as good as I thought it would be. Definitely not on par with Harry Potter. I also watched "Lake House". It was different. Not a big Sandra Bullock fan, but it was ok. "Dark Half" is a Stephen King movie I haven't seen in a long time. I had forgotten most of it. I watched a few others, in part or whole, but none worth mentioning.

I realize at times, there will be information in this blog that you either don't care about, or is too much for you. If this is the case--skip that post. I started this blog for 3 reasons. The first is as a vent for me. It is a way to get these feelings out. A way to put into words what I am feeling, without talking about, or analyzing it. Second, it is here for anyone else that may be going through the same thing, and may stumble on this. Hopefully, it will help them to know they are not alone, and what they are feeling is "normal". Third, it is to update family and friends, so that I do not have to repeat myself over and over. It has worked wonders for this (as well as number one). But again, if at any time, it is too much--don't read!

I hope the weather warms back up like they are saying!! Enough of this cold already!!

Also hoping that Chicago gets the 2016 Olympics!!! Waiting for that announcement!!

Go Chicago!!!

Last AC!!!!

It took everything to get there today. I DID not want to go. DID not want the sour belly for another two weeks. DO want my life back. You would have thought you would have had to drag me there. However, I drove myself, and walked in on my own. I did tear up a little at the beginning. But it is DONE!!! Done, done, done! Did I mention I'm done with the AC!?!

Up next is Taxol. That is supposed to make you tired and achy--but not so much sick to your stomach. YEAH!! Unfortunately, the bad taste in the mouth will still be there. The tired and achy will suck--but not having a sour stomach will be a definite plus!! Since these will be such long days, I made all my appts today--to get in as early as possible.

My finger is still infected. Better than it was, but not right yet. So, I have to go pick up a couple more days worth of the antibiotic.

This morning I woke up about 4:30, a little before John's alarm went off. I couldn't go back to sleep. I was stressing a little over going today. I came out to listen to some music, trying to take my mind off of it. It finally worked. I think the last time I looked at the clock it was 6:45, then I got up at 7:30. It was better than nothing!

My mom watched the girls for me (Thanks Mom!). Tomorrow, since I just have the shot-they can go with me. That doesn't take long.

Four down....Four to go!!! And no more AC!!!! Yeah!

Happy Easter!!!

Bad Attitude

That is me the past few days. I can't seem to shake it. I am soo dreading Tuesday, I can't even tell you. I started feeling a little better physically yesterday. But mentally, emotionally, not so good. I can not wait until June to be done with all of this. I have a sore that is infected and not healing, got antibiotics for it Friday and it still doesn't seem much better. I am achy most of the time. My eyes are watery/itchy. But all that wouldn't seem so bad if I could just get out of this funk. And I really can't explain it. Other than like I said, the dread of going back in there Tuesday. Maybe I will be better after that. Hopefully.

Aarrrgh!!!!!

I am so sick of this!! My belly is still sour. This is ridiculous!!! I am also achy from the damn Nuelasta shot. And to top it off I woke up this morning with a cold!! I really hope I manage to get a couple of "normal" days before I have to go back. Not sleeping real great the last couple of nights doesn't help the mood any either.

The girls get out early today, then they are off for Spring Break. We need to do our eggs, and make a few things for Sunday. Haley still has gymnastics tomorrow, which seems strange, but oh well.

Here's to hoping that the cold goes away soon!!

New Favorite Song

I heard this song on the way home tonight. I love the lyrics!! The name of the song is Stand, by Rascal Flatts.

Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright

Chorus:
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on
Repeat Chorus

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Ooohhh
Repeat Chorus

Now I can tell you!

I didn't post this last week, b/c I wanted the people who see us all the time to see it first---not tell you about it here. Last Wednesday, John went to get his hair cut, and came back with a mohawk! He only kept this for one night, (the girls were upset about that) as we had a wake to go to, and he didn't think it would be appropriate. He is not bald, but for those of you who know John, this is HUGE!! He had asked me if I wanted him to shave his head, and I had told him no. This was a complete surprise!! He is such a sweetheart!

As for me, I am really getting sick of this crap! I cannot wait for this to be over. I soooo do not want to go back on Tuesday. I know I have to, and that I can't get done if I don't, but I hate feeling like this. I want me back. I am getting a bit of a bad attitude about it actually. Maybe I should ask the dr for some happy pills and "float" through the next 2 months! Although, that isn't really me either. Maybe I wouldn't care though!!

And this cold---yuk!!! I know it won't last long though and we will be back to spring!

10 Reasons Why....

Being bald isn't so bad...

This is a current topic on the Ysc boards. It gave me a chuckle, and I wanted to share.

10. When driving to work, never have to wonder, worry, or obsess if curling iron was left on.

9. No gut-wrenching decisions about having a perm, getting a short cut, or wearing it long and wavy.

8. Gray hair? No problem. . . it no longer shows.

7. Can take on new personality according to wig and/or hat style and stay in character all day.

6. Fun and exciting to elicit startle responses by appearing in public with nothing on head except a bow taped on top.

5.Have a great belly laugh at being mistaken for Demi Moore (GIJane), Sigourney Weaver (Alien) or better yet, Andre Agassi.

4. Save money on shampoo and conditioners and spend it on hot oil head massages . . . body massages if there’s enough oil.

3. Can entertain people sitting behind you by drawing pictures or writing messages on back of bald head.

2. Get revenge at the hair-stylist who once over-charged for a bad hair cut by telling everyone she is responsible for this “new style.”

1. Have ample time to sit in front of mirror, watch hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows slowly grow back, and get priorities straight.

Now these are good, but people started adding their own....

*Can successfully rob banks by whipping off wig and fooling cops, who aren't looking for a bald woman!

*when truck load of construction guys check you out at a stoplight, you can yank off your wig and ask how they like you now." yes I did this. just a couple of weeks ago. was hilarious.

*LOL! My hair fell off in the line at wal-mart today. I just picked it up and stuffed it in my purse. The lady just stared at me but never said a word. It was hilarious!

*I like when I change wigs for a day/week and someone I haven't seen in a while says, "You've done something with your hair."
And I say, "Yes, I took chemo and let it all fall out."

*Oh, and I have this fun wig with blond highlights that I bought online for $80, and I've had friends say "But I paid $80 just for the highlights!"
I tell them yes, and mine will last FOREVER.

*Just after i shaved my head my husband and I were standing in the hair product aisle at a local drug store (buy shampoo for daughters) when 2 teenagers
came by to pick up shampoo - I was standing with a baseball cap on my head and my husband leans over to one of the girls who is picking up a bottle of shampoo and says "I wouldn't buy that if I were you" and points to me. The look on their face, I couldnt stop laughing.

Ok- I just wanted to share that. Hope you got a good laugh!!