One Year Ago...

I was dx'd.

In a way it is hard to believe it was only a year ago. On the other hand it seems almost like a lifetime ago. I kind of wish I hadn't remembered this until tonight. Now I am sure it will be on my mind all day.

Oct. 13--(Friday)--found lump

Oct 25--dx'd right side.

Nov 14--dx'd left side.

I know it is all there in my stats, I just wanted to write it again for some reason. One year ago, I was trying to occupy my mind, I was out shopping for costumes for the girls. I was in Target's (how odd is that!)parking lot when I got the call from the nurse saying that the dr wanted to see me asap. I fell apart. I don't know how I drove to the dr office--it was 45 minutes away. John offered to come home early to go with me. I told him no. Afterwards I called him back to give him the news we were both expecting, and he came home then to be with me. I remember hearing the love, and absolute fear in his voice. I remember him trying to cover that fear up.

So much has happened this past year. Four surgeries. Rat poison shot into my veins (John doesn't like me to call it that, but it is toxic none the less). Lost my hair, my boobs, my dreams (only for a little while!), I thought I was staring death in the face. I knew the fear a mother knows when she doesn't think she will be around to see her babies grow. I learned just how much love and support I have around me. I learned how strong I could be. I learned that those little everyday annoyances are not important at all. I learned my children could handle more than they should ever have had to at such a young age. I re-learned how much my husband loves me---for me.

This time last year, I couldn't think more than a couple of days ahead. Getting to the other side of this seemed SOOOOO far away. Now I am almost there. About 6 more months of Hercpetin, and a few finishing touches on the foobs, and I will be there. If only this darn hair would grow a little faster! I will obviously never forget. But hopefully it will fade at least a little. I will use my experience to help others know they can get through this. I will use my experience to educate others.

I'm going to try to have an awesome day. I will allow myself to reflect, I don't think I can keep myself from doing so. But I will try really hard to have a day that I can remember in place of the Oct 25 in my memory now.

Thanks for listening!!