Oh Boy...

This has been a busy weekend!! The girls have enjoyed themselves though, that is what counts. I wanted their birthday to be normal, and I think it was.

They cleaned up at the family party last night. They both claim they are going to save their money. We'll see how long that lasts. Jenna is saving for a video recorder. Haley was going to save for a trampoline, but we told them that part of their present was a trampoline they will get when the weather is warmer.

The oh boy in the title refers to my mood today. I am sore (still), tired, have a cold, and of course freaking out about chemo tomorrow. I was ok with it. Had made my peace with the hair loss issue, but now that it is close, am freaking out again. That is such an obvious sign (the hair loss)! The having no boobs I have kind of covered up with big sweat shirts (although I need a few more, I am wearing the same thing over and over). But the hair loss, harder to hide. Yes, I can get a wig, but am afraid how fake that will look. Which it will with those who know me, b/c I am not getting one to match my current hair.

As for the boob situation...(possibly TMI for some)I got another set of fake boobs. These are the real light weight poly filled things. Not the rubber things. I will probably go ahead and get a pair, don't know that I will necessarily need them, as it will only be about 6-8 months before the new boobs, but insurance pays for them. Anyway, these new boobs are more natural shaped, triangular as opposed to big footballs minus the points on the ends. I wore them to Haley's gymnastics class earlier this week. Didn't pin them to my bra though, and at one point I looked down and seen one of them trying to escape! Hopefully I am the only one to notice. Ever try to put your boob back in without drawing attention?? I don't recommend it! It was only halfway out of the bra, not out of my shirt so that is a plus. Next time I will pin it. It still feels so fake though. Just b/c those who know me, know that there is nothing there. I know there is nothing there. But I guess I should get used to wearing them. I want to start wearing some of my other clothes, and don't want to do that flat chested. I guess the sooner I start wearing them the sooner I will get used to it and maybe not be so self conscious. And family will be used to seeing me with them. Not sure what that matters, but that is part of what makes it feel so fake for me is that others know it is fake. Screwy thinking huh??

As for chemo tomorrow, I am wondering how I will react to it. Not overly concerned, will just have to see what happens. That all of this even has to happen is bothering me. They did tell me the first couple of times they use the port it may burn, not looking forward to that. Also the damn thing still hurts, is uncomfortable, and just plain bugs me! So the idea that they are going to be poking around at it, at least twice (blood work ,chemo) does not thrill me in the least!! And of course the hair thing. That bothers me. Gee, if the fake boobs bother me, how am I gonna handle fake hair. The nurse said she can write me a prescription for a wig. I forget how they have to word it. Something about a cranial prosthesis I think. This is to get insurance to pay for it. When I called and asked about a wig, they said no. When I get her wording, I will call again. Of course the store wouldn't deal with ins. so I would have to pay for it and submit it myself. I have looked online and there are some cute ones. I will have to go to a wig store to get fitted and see them in person though!

On another note, my mom sent me this link today--it is too cute!! Click here