What a week....

Wow this week has been quite a roller coaster of emotions. Some really great, I feel wonderful days, to what the f*%$ days!!

Wednesday evening Ann went with me to the "Look Good Feel Better" seminar. Ann was impressed with Riverside. The seminar was kind of fun. I wasn't really sure what to expect, and not sure why I was going since I am not much of a make up person. Got a box with a bunch of make up in it--they said it was valued at between $200-$350. Yikes!! There were some big names in it though, este lauder, aveda, chanel. We also got a gift bag from the oncologist's office. It was mostly samples they get from the drug reps. There was a hand made prayer shawl in there. That was pretty nice.

Before we left for that though, I had a message from Dr. Brockman's office (the general surgeon) to call and set an appt to go over MRI results. What??!!?? It is never good news when you are told to talk to the dr. about results. At least that is what was going through my head. I'm wondering when all the bad news is going to end. In other words I was freaking out!! Called the office back, asked to speak with the dr, didn't want to go crazy until the appt. When dr calls back a very looong, crazy half hour later, he says that the MRI results are pretty much didn't show anything. It didn't show anything on the left side--that we know is there. He is going to ask a radiologist he trusts to go over it and call me back. He calls back the next day with pretty much the same news. He asked those that read the biopsies if they would stake their home, reputation, and life on the results they got (three people went over the biopsies) they said yes. So we wasted that time to get the MRI basically for nothing!! Surgery next. I find out the plastic surgeon is still only planning on putting in one expander at a time. WHAT!!?? This defeats the purpose of immediate reconstruction. If I wait to do reconstruction til a later date, he STILL only does one at a time. He wants me to come in on Thursday to explain why. I don't want to hear it again. If I do go in, it will be to tell him I am going with someone else!! In talking with the ladies at the YSC, I find out what I kind of already knew--this is very unusual!! There is not one person on that list that had immediate reconstruction with expanders, that only got one, unless something came up in surgery that made placement of the other not possible. So I believe that I will be doing the mastectomy, as that has been put off long enough. And begin the reconstruction later. This whole thing sent my mood into a tail spin!! This cancer may get to have a big say so in my life--but it will not run everything!!

Soooo...Monday I will call the surgeon to get the mast. set up. Call the oncologist to see what he thinks of all of this. Call my nurse navigator to get her take on this. And begin looking for a new plastic surgeon. The current one doesn't do silicone either. And again, listening to the ladies on the list, they all love their silicone implants. Some changed from saline to silicone.

Not the way I would have imagined doing things, but I wouldn't have imagined getting breast cancer either. Something has to start going my way!!! Doesn't it? I don't usually stick up for things that I want, but this time I am! I want to be symmetrical. If that means no boobs (YIKES)first and then a matching set then so be it!!

So that has been my crazy week! Woke up this morning a little down, but not too bad now. Breast cancer really does suck!! It plays some major mind games with you!!

Off to take the girls shopping for each other.