The Other Side of Me...

Ok, I still haven't found a good link for the press conference. Who knows if I ever will. Hopefully those that wanted to see it were able to.

As for the title of this post, as you may have guessed, that is my way of making light of this situation. I do feel like a stranger living in my own body. I want to trade this body in at times-it could look exactly the same, just FEEL better. Again, I debated posting this for a couple of reasons. I don't like to complain, and it doesn't do any good. I also know that there are those that won't want to read this. But, that being said, this is a journal of sorts (albeit a public one), so it helps me to right it down. And if anyone were to stumble on this site that were going through this, maybe it would help them to know they aren't alone. Probably not, but you never know.

Since having my ovaries taken out, things have gotten a little off kilter to say the least. I was already dealing with the fatigue that kicks in way too quick for someone my age (an after effect of the chemo and surgeries), now I had new issues to deal with. Not at first. At first all seemed well, great even. Then the migraines started to increase (which I thought would get better) and the hot flashes grew steadily worse. This is again one of those cases where if men had to deal with it, there would be a "fix" for it already. My ob also warned me about possible mood swings. Well, since I didn't really experience that around my period, I wasn't expecting it to happen now. Boy, was I ever wrong. I now get into these terrible moods for no reason. I literally want to tell everyone to fuck off and go crawl in a corner. (I did get the name of a few therapists in case I need outside help dealing with that.) Now, add to that being uncomfortable in my skin because either my head is pounding, or my internal furnace just kicked the temperature up to about 1000 degrees, (or if I'm real lucky, both at the same time!) and you can see why I want out of this body! The hot flashes were making it impossible to sleep too. Which of course didn't help with the attitude problem. An ugly vicious circle!

Last week I had a couple of check ups. Check up number one with the onc (all is fine), and check up number two with my plastic surgeon. I don't go see her again for a year. Can you believe I actually felt bad about that?? How f'd up is that? I also had to have my flu shot, and saw my general about my migraines. He has put me on Topomax, I have still had a couple of headaches this week where I had to take the Excedrine Migraine. Compared to 3-5 a week though, not so bad. He did say it would take a few weeks to fully kick in. I go back in 3 weeks to access that situation. I had called my ob to get the Lexapro she had mentioned to help with the hot flashes. There was a little bit of an issue with insurance with this, apparently you have to try another drug first, if that doesn't work, then get the Lexapro. So she subbed Celexa (or the generic of actually). This can take up to a month to feel the full effects of. I do believe it is helping already though. I am still getting the hot flashes, but they don't seem to be as intense (maybe only 500 degrees!). And I am finally able to get a decent nights sleep. The other plus is that this is actually an anti-depressant drug (not sure why those work on hot flashes) so it will help with the mood swings too.

So, me, the anti-pill person, is now taking syntrhoid, oscal-d, topomax and celexa. I guess to feel like me again, it is worth it. There are some side effects. My mouth tastes funny, which I was told goes away. And I was a little queasy, but that is already better today.

So here is hoping that I am getting back to the right side of me!!