Hodge Podge..

...Of emotions. That is where I am right this minute.

I am going for my ooph tomorrow (ovaries out-bye,bye!). This should be a relatively easy procedure. Hopefully they get the anesthesia right at Riverside too. But as I sit here, I am wondering if I wasn't a little crazy to do these so close together. I am not recovered from the last procedure yet. I have probably been doing more than I should, but I am so damn tired of doing nothing. My left side still bothers me, and sleeping on my sides is not as comfortable yet. But, on the other hand, I will be done. And I won't have to recover from one procedure to turn around and have another recovery, just one huge recovery, then DONE.

I am also upset. My friend Jen (one of the IL YSC gals) has just found out that her cancer is back. I mean, does it ever stop? She is 31, with a young son. This is just over a year after the original diagnosis. She had a lumpectomy, chemo, and radiation. She was recently told that the cancer is back in the same breast. I at first thought that maybe this was a case similar to mine--with having the two primaries- and that the drs missed it on her. Although with it being in the same breast, that is a more unlikely that they would have missed it. She had a PET scan this morning and was told this afternoon that it is in her bones also. Needless to say she is freaked. Of course her drs added to this by telling her that they have never seen it come back so fast. WTF! They should have never told her that.

The last thing that got me going was the Robin Roberts piece on Nightline tonight. She was talking about her breast cancer "journey". I have always liked her, and like her even more after this interview. Boy did it bring back memories though! Wow, wasn't really expecting that. It reminded me of things I had forgotten, or hadn't thought about for awhile. I hope that either ABC news, or youtube will have the video posted tomorrow. If that happens, I will post a link here, as she makes some very good points. Like "we are all just a little stronger than we think". This is so true. People told me that I was strong. Honestly, strong has nothing to do with it. I simply did what I had to do to stay alive, to be here for my family. She talks about getting back to "normal" after chemo and how people just don't understand. And also about the fact that alot of cancer patients go through a depression AFTER treatment is done. This is when you have time to think about it, and deal with all those emotions you have put off, or hidden. You have also, at that point, done everything you can to combat the disease and are left feeling a little helpless, or lost. She also says that she is "healthier". She will not use the words remission or cured. She knows that it can come back. She isn't dwelling on it, but she knows it. This is important for people to know. There is no cure. There is no way to predict in who it will come back. It is a complete crap shoot. It is a fact that the cancer is more aggressive in younger women than our older counterparts. It stands to reason then (in my mind at least) that the younger you are at original diagnosis, the more likely you are to recur. I could be completely off about that. Jen had no node involvement, clear margins, and was a stage2a. Now she is fighting again. There are others that have positive nodes, and/or higher grade, and don't recur--crap shoot.

Well, now that I have had my midnight snack to help with the anesthesia effects tomorrow, I am off to bed.

Goodnight....