This is the Story of My Life...And I Write it Every Day...

Holy Cow

2010-04-29T23:53:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize that it had been THAT long since I had posted on here. I am still here (obviously!) just busy living life. I have gone through phases where I have had to back off from the cancer community for a bit, but I have always come back.

A lot has happened since I last wrote. We have finally gotten an affiliate of the Young Survival Coalition in Chicago, I finally made it to a YSC conference, I have been on the Komen grant review committee for two years, and I am sitting in DC right now! I was asked to come here with Komen for their Lobby days, and it has been a great experience.

I am tired though, so I am going to head off to bed. I will try to keep this blog up to let you my family and friends know what I am up to after cancer. For others that may stumble on this blog, I feel it is probably a good idea that you know I am still alive and kicking. So if you are going through the bc experience, it completely sucks, but there is another side to come out on.

This blog will take on a little bit different spin though. It will still have quite a bit of cancer information, and I will probably get snarky once in awhile, but it will also contain the day to day, and tidbits about the family and my girls. Remember, this is my blog, if you don't like what you read, you can always leave, I promise-you won't hurt my feelings.

Peace.

Still Here...

2008-12-30T00:17:00.000-06:00

Hey, Everyone... Yes, I am still here. I just haven't really felt like writing a whole lot lately. (Like that isn't obvious!) Once the girls are back in school, I will try to write more, and catch up.

A quick run down, we got the girls lap tops for Christmas. They loved that. John and the girls got me a digital SLR camera. I can take pics with it, but I would love to learn all the tricks to it. It came with free lessons, so I may be taking those.

We are heading out tomorrow to the Great Wolf Lodge in the Wisconsin Dells. Ann, Jim and crew as well as Joey, Jennifer and Jack will be there. Jr. and Justin will be getting there on New Year's Eve. It should be fun. I may check into a massage while I am there. While I don't like the fact that we are heading towards cooler temps and snow, (did I mention that I HATE WINTER!) at least in the resort it will be warm and we can play in the water!

Now that the Twilight movie has been out for awhile, I will have to see about changing my background too. I realize this one can be hard to read.

Have a Safe and Happy New Year!!!

The Other Side of Me...

2008-11-19T12:45:00.004-06:00

Ok, I still haven't found a good link for the press conference. Who knows if I ever will. Hopefully those that wanted to see it were able to.

As for the title of this post, as you may have guessed, that is my way of making light of this situation. I do feel like a stranger living in my own body. I want to trade this body in at times-it could look exactly the same, just FEEL better. Again, I debated posting this for a couple of reasons. I don't like to complain, and it doesn't do any good. I also know that there are those that won't want to read this. But, that being said, this is a journal of sorts (albeit a public one), so it helps me to right it down. And if anyone were to stumble on this site that were going through this, maybe it would help them to know they aren't alone. Probably not, but you never know.

Since having my ovaries taken out, things have gotten a little off kilter to say the least. I was already dealing with the fatigue that kicks in way too quick for someone my age (an after effect of the chemo and surgeries), now I had new issues to deal with. Not at first. At first all seemed well, great even. Then the migraines started to increase (which I thought would get better) and the hot flashes grew steadily worse. This is again one of those cases where if men had to deal with it, there would be a "fix" for it already. My ob also warned me about possible mood swings. Well, since I didn't really experience that around my period, I wasn't expecting it to happen now. Boy, was I ever wrong. I now get into these terrible moods for no reason. I literally want to tell everyone to fuck off and go crawl in a corner. (I did get the name of a few therapists in case I need outside help dealing with that.) Now, add to that being uncomfortable in my skin because either my head is pounding, or my internal furnace just kicked the temperature up to about 1000 degrees, (or if I'm real lucky, both at the same time!) and you can see why I want out of this body! The hot flashes were making it impossible to sleep too. Which of course didn't help with the attitude problem. An ugly vicious circle!

Last week I had a couple of check ups. Check up number one with the onc (all is fine), and check up number two with my plastic surgeon. I don't go see her again for a year. Can you believe I actually felt bad about that?? How f'd up is that? I also had to have my flu shot, and saw my general about my migraines. He has put me on Topomax, I have still had a couple of headaches this week where I had to take the Excedrine Migraine. Compared to 3-5 a week though, not so bad. He did say it would take a few weeks to fully kick in. I go back in 3 weeks to access that situation. I had called my ob to get the Lexapro she had mentioned to help with the hot flashes. There was a little bit of an issue with insurance with this, apparently you have to try another drug first, if that doesn't work, then get the Lexapro. So she subbed Celexa (or the generic of actually). This can take up to a month to feel the full effects of. I do believe it is helping already though. I am still getting the hot flashes, but they don't seem to be as intense (maybe only 500 degrees!). And I am finally able to get a decent nights sleep. The other plus is that this is actually an anti-depressant drug (not sure why those work on hot flashes) so it will help with the mood swings too.

So, me, the anti-pill person, is now taking syntrhoid, oscal-d, topomax and celexa. I guess to feel like me again, it is worth it. There are some side effects. My mouth tastes funny, which I was told goes away. And I was a little queasy, but that is already better today.

So here is hoping that I am getting back to the right side of me!!

OMG!!!!

2008-11-07T14:49:00.000-06:00

Not sure why exactly I am so excited about this, but Obama gave his first press conference today as President Elect--and he did it from the hotel I am staying at!! I wish I could have gotten in there! Unfortunately we didn't get to see him. I am at the Chicago Hilton for the Network of Strength Conference. There was talk last night about all of the news vans out front. Well ,on the news this morning we found out why! One of the girls was trying to get a press pass to write about it on her blog. She was doing a bit of snooping to find out where this was, she seems to be quite the detective. After breakfast, I went with her to the third floor (where most of this was being staged). The secret service we talked to knew nothing except what pertained to his little corner. Then she talked to a White House Staff (or Obama staff-not sure the official title yet) person. She told him that there was a breast cancer conference going on in the hotel and that it would be nice if the President Elect could stop by. He then explained to us that they can not vary from the schedule because of Secret Service. Oh well. It was worth a shot. Last I heard from her, she had been waiting two hours to see if she would get that press credential. I can't wait to talk to her and see what happened.
Well, I am heading back down stairs. If I find a link to the full press conference I will post a link.
What a weekend!! Tomorrow I get to see Robin Roberts!

2008-11-04T22:06:00.001-06:00

CNN: Barack Obama wins presidential election

YEAH!!!!!

Priceless Part 2

2008-10-24T10:52:00.002-05:00

Yet another hiliarious SNL skit.

Priceless!!

2008-10-24T10:32:00.005-05:00

Ok, for some reason I can't get this to embed here, but PLEASE check it out. It is something Ron Howard put together.

"Ron Howard's Call To Action"

Too Funny...

2008-10-17T23:31:00.002-05:00

My Mom sent me this (thanks Mom!) it is hilarious!!

Wanda Sykes Campaigns For Cabinet Position On Last Night's Leno

I also added a new link on the right. This is a presentation that my friend Jen put together. She works at a college, and was asked to do a breast cancer presentation. She was to do this in person Monday and Tuesday next week, however, she recently found out that her cancer is back and has spread to her bones. Monday she will be having her ooph (ovaries removed), so will be unable to give the talk in person. That is a shame as she has done such a nice job. The presentation is about 40 minutes long, but if you have the time PLEASE watch it. As of this post, it is split into three sections, so you will have to click on each part individually. At some point it may become all one session.

You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me!

2008-10-16T17:27:00.002-05:00

This women is SICK, SICK, SICK. I do not feel the sympathy for her that the author does at the end of this article. This women FAKED having cancer 3 times!! We just had someone on the YSC boards that was faking it. Mental Illness or not, this pisses me off! I was going to copy and paste the article here, but it is too long, so click the link below to read.

She Said She Had Breast Cancer--But She Lied

Oldest Voter

2008-10-15T07:35:00.003-05:00

This lady is 106 years old. Yes, you read that right. She hasn't voted since 1952! She feels this is an important election though. I will copy the article below. If you would like to go to the site click HERE (I know with this new background, the links don't show up the greatest, but if you mouse over them, you can tell they are links).

106-year-old voter chooses Obama
By David Willey BBC News, Rome

Sister Cecilia has lived in the convent in Rome for 50 years
A 106-year-old American nun living in a convent in Rome could well be one of the oldest voters to cast a ballot in the 2008 US Presidential election.
Sister Cecilia Gaudette, who last voted for President Eisenhower in 1952, has registered to vote and says she will vote for Democrat Barack Obama.
Although hard of hearing, she keeps herself informed by reading newspapers and watching TV at the convent.
"I'm encouraged by Senator Obama," she says.
"I've never met him, but he seems to be a good man with a good private life. That's the first thing. Then he must be able to govern," she adds.
Sitting in her modest office in the convent where she has lived for the past 50 years, the diminutive nun appears uninterested in the row inside the American Catholic church over Senator Obama's support for pro-choice policies on abortion.
Asked about her hopes for the US under an Obama presidency, she says: "Peace abroad. I don't worry about the Iraq war because I can't do anything about it. Lord knows how it will end."
"It is very complicated," she said. "Those Eastern people are not like we are."
But despite taking part in the 4 November election, Sister Cecilia does not intend to return to the US.
"I have no plans for the future. I am too old to go back to the US. Life has changed too much."
But she still watches "very important events" on TV. The election comes under this category.
*********************************************************************************

I received an email from Pam Monson (she wrote the article about me for the Free Press papers last year). She was writing to tell me that that article won the Illinois Press Association's editorial contest. Awesome!

Robin Roberts

2008-10-09T19:34:00.004-05:00

Here is the link to the Robin Roberts piece on Nightline.

"Cancer Isn't One Size Fits All"

Hodge Podge..

2008-10-08T23:18:00.003-05:00

...Of emotions. That is where I am right this minute.

I am going for my ooph tomorrow (ovaries out-bye,bye!). This should be a relatively easy procedure. Hopefully they get the anesthesia right at Riverside too. But as I sit here, I am wondering if I wasn't a little crazy to do these so close together. I am not recovered from the last procedure yet. I have probably been doing more than I should, but I am so damn tired of doing nothing. My left side still bothers me, and sleeping on my sides is not as comfortable yet. But, on the other hand, I will be done. And I won't have to recover from one procedure to turn around and have another recovery, just one huge recovery, then DONE.

I am also upset. My friend Jen (one of the IL YSC gals) has just found out that her cancer is back. I mean, does it ever stop? She is 31, with a young son. This is just over a year after the original diagnosis. She had a lumpectomy, chemo, and radiation. She was recently told that the cancer is back in the same breast. I at first thought that maybe this was a case similar to mine--with having the two primaries- and that the drs missed it on her. Although with it being in the same breast, that is a more unlikely that they would have missed it. She had a PET scan this morning and was told this afternoon that it is in her bones also. Needless to say she is freaked. Of course her drs added to this by telling her that they have never seen it come back so fast. WTF! They should have never told her that.

The last thing that got me going was the Robin Roberts piece on Nightline tonight. She was talking about her breast cancer "journey". I have always liked her, and like her even more after this interview. Boy did it bring back memories though! Wow, wasn't really expecting that. It reminded me of things I had forgotten, or hadn't thought about for awhile. I hope that either ABC news, or youtube will have the video posted tomorrow. If that happens, I will post a link here, as she makes some very good points. Like "we are all just a little stronger than we think". This is so true. People told me that I was strong. Honestly, strong has nothing to do with it. I simply did what I had to do to stay alive, to be here for my family. She talks about getting back to "normal" after chemo and how people just don't understand. And also about the fact that alot of cancer patients go through a depression AFTER treatment is done. This is when you have time to think about it, and deal with all those emotions you have put off, or hidden. You have also, at that point, done everything you can to combat the disease and are left feeling a little helpless, or lost. She also says that she is "healthier". She will not use the words remission or cured. She knows that it can come back. She isn't dwelling on it, but she knows it. This is important for people to know. There is no cure. There is no way to predict in who it will come back. It is a complete crap shoot. It is a fact that the cancer is more aggressive in younger women than our older counterparts. It stands to reason then (in my mind at least) that the younger you are at original diagnosis, the more likely you are to recur. I could be completely off about that. Jen had no node involvement, clear margins, and was a stage2a. Now she is fighting again. There are others that have positive nodes, and/or higher grade, and don't recur--crap shoot.

Well, now that I have had my midnight snack to help with the anesthesia effects tomorrow, I am off to bed.

Goodnight....

Scary...

2008-10-07T16:17:00.002-05:00

Please, Please read this if you are even ENTERTAINING the idea of voting for McCain. I have read about his health care plan several times, and to be honest, it scares the crap out of me!! Basically, you will be taxed for your employer based health care. This is an attempt to get you to get your own insurance in the "free market". The idea being that the competition among companies would keep prices down. But NOT for those of us with a previous condition, i.e. cancer. This would make it harder, if not next to impossible to get insurance on our own, and if we did, it would be expensive. The plan also includes cutting medicare and medicaid. Thanks alot Mr. McCain. Hit average America where it counts-the wallet-again!
Here is the link, read for yourselves;
McCain Health Plan Has Underlying Illness

I also have to seriously question the man's judgement and decision making. He chose Sarah Palin as his running mate. I'm sorry but there are times that woman makes George Bush look like a Mensa scholar! She might be ok to be a state governor, but what does she know about Washington politics? And let's face it, McCain is no spring chicken, so you really do need to think about how well his running mate would do if (and more likely when) she had to step into his place. I can only imagine what kind of fiasco that would be! I believe his choice in her has actually hurt his campaign. So if he messes up these kind of decisions, what in the hell will he mess up in office? I for one don't want to find out. I also don't understand his "giving up on Michigan". He's done, he isn't going to campaign there anymore, tv ads are done there too. WTF??? What candidate does that?? He is not so for ahead in the polls (in fact he is behind, and getting further behind every day)that he can even afford to let go of a state! I need to do some more reading on that one. Oh, and he was one of the Keating Five in the Savings and Loan debacle. I will stop there for now. I hope America is smarter this time around. Of course, I thought that we had learned our lesson four years ago and would never put W back in there....apparently we are hard heads. Or gluttons for punishment or something!

And Another One...

2008-10-02T14:16:00.001-05:00

Here is an article on the Pink October subject. Again, very good points. Please read! This is From a paper in Minneapolis-St. Paul.

http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/30002944.html?elr=KArks7PYDiaK7DUHPYDiaK7DUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aULPQL7PQLanchO7DiU

Another Post about Pinktober..

2008-10-02T12:08:00.003-05:00

This is a post from a fellow YSCer, Lorri. She has worded this whole "Pink October" thing so much better than I ever could. Please take the time to click the link and read her take on things.

http://lorriscancerupdates.blogspot.com/

And So It Begins....

2008-10-01T12:46:00.005-05:00

Breast Cancer Awareness Month. YUK!!! We do need awareness. However, I believe most people are aware. What we need more is a CURE. If it wasn't for the fact that my anniversary and Halloween are in October, I would hate this month. This month is a constant reminder of the crap I have been through. Everywhere I turn is pink. Everywhere. Pink soup cans. Pink vacuums. Pink kitchen utensils. I mean, seriously, who has a pink kitchen? And I like pink, but I get so sick of seeing it. Everywhere I look is a reminder of something I am trying to forget, if only for a little while. It doesn't help that I was diagnosed in October, so when this was the most raw for me, I had it shoved in my face constantly.

As I stated above, there are a lot of products in October that are pink. Alot of products claiming to help in the fight against breast cancer. Before you buy that pink vacuum, or candy, or dish towels, or whatever please find out how much is being donated and where the money is going. Also find out if that company has a cap on the amount donated. It may be better to just make a direct donation to one of the wonderful organizations that are out there. A great site to help with these questions is http://www.thinkbeforeyoupink.org/ The following is just a bit from their website...

"Breast Cancer Action urges you to
“think before you pink.” Will your
purchase make a difference?
Or is the company exploiting breast
cancer to boost profits?"

That is something that irks a lot of us (survivors), understandably. The following is a list of questions you should get answers to before you buy just because it is pink....

The list of pink ribbon products grows every year. From candy to clothing to automobiles, thousands of companies are pinning pink ribbons on their products in an attempt to boost their image and their profits by connecting themselves to a good cause.

Before you impulsively buy one of these products in the belief that your money is going to do good, Breast Cancer Action urges you to “think before you pink”—and ask these critical questions:

How much money from your purchase actually goes toward breast cancer? Is the amount clearly stated on the package?
Some companies, like Tribeca, offer a pink version of their product but don’t specify how much of your purchase will be donated. Tribeca is selling a pink USB flash drive and the package says that a donation from the sale of the drive will be made to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. What you can’t tell just by looking at the package is how much “part of the proceeds” is.
When the package does state the amount of the donation, is that amount enough? Fox Home Entertainment, for example, is selling "DVDs for the Cure" for $14.95 and donating 50 cents to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Is this a significant contribution, or a piddly amount? You decide.
If you can't tell how much money is being donated, or if you don't think it's enough, give directly to the organization instead.

What is the maximum amount that will be donated?
Many companies place a cap on the amount of money that will be donated. For example, Give Hope Jeans, sold by White House Black Market for $88, will donate “net proceeds” from the sale to the organization Living Beyond Breast Cancer. But they’ve capped their contributions at $200,000. This means that once they’ve reached the $200,000 limit they will stop contributing, no matter how many pairs of jeans are bought.
In some cases, that cap is a generous amount. In some cases it’s not. But you should know that, whenever there is a cap, your individual purchase may not contribute anything to the cause, depending on when you shop and whether the cap has already been met.

How are the funds being raised?
Does making the purchase ensure a contribution to the cause? Or do you, the shopper, have to jump through hoops to make sure the money gets where it’s supposed to go? Lean Cuisine, for example, has a pink ribbon on its boxes of frozen meals, but if you read closely, you'll find out that the purchase of the meal does not result in any donation to a breast cancer organization. Instead, consumers must visit the Lean Cuisine web site and buy a pink Lean Cuisine lunch tote. Then, $5 of that purchase will be donated to Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

To what breast cancer organization does the money go, and what types of programs does it support?
Does the product’s package tell you where the money goes and what will be done with it? For example, Penn is selling pink tennis balls and the package says that 15 cents of your purchase will go to “a Breast Cancer Research Organization.” It doesn’t tell you which organization or what kind of research will be done. Will the money go to fund the same studies that have been ongoing for decades (which already get enormous financial support)? Or will it go to underfunded, innovative research into the causes of breast cancer?

If the donation is going to breast cancer services, is it reaching the people most in need, in the most effective way? The Breast Cancer Site store, for example, donates money to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, which helps pay for mammograms for women who cannot afford them. But mammograms are already covered for low-income women through the National Breast and Cervical Cancer Screening Program. Although this screening program does have limitations, what is most needed is the funding to get low-income women treatment if breast cancer is found. Learn more about this issue.

What is the company doing to assure that its products are not actually contributing to the breast cancer epidemic?
Many companies that raise funds for breast cancer also make products that are linked to the disease. BCA calls these companies "pinkwashers." BMW, for example, gives $1 to Susan G. Komen for the Cure each time you test-drive one of their cars, even though pollutants found in car exhaust are linked to breast cancer. Many cosmetics companies whose products contain chemicals linked to breast cancer also sell their items for the cause. Pinkwashers would make a much more valuable contribution to women’s lives if they made safer products, instead of wrapping themselves in the pink ribbon.

Contribute to a Cause, Not Cause-Marketers
Some of these answers will be easy to find, some won't be. But you're entitled to know, and the companies marketing these products should provide this information.
You might not always be able to make an informed decision while you’re standing in the store. Make the best choice you can with the information you have. If you have trouble getting answers or if you feel that a promotion is questionable, write to the company responsible, consider buying a different product, and tell your friends about Think Before You Pink.

If you are looking for that particular product anyway, and like it in the pink color, then by all means, buy it. But if you are thinking about getting it just because they claim to help with breast cancer organizations, then do some research first.

And, if you see me in a store, and I am looking crabby, please understand what seeing that pink everywhere does to me. It makes me think about something I don't want to think about 24/7. So maybe a distraction would be good.

**Thanks Mom for the graphic at the top of the post**

Tomorrow's Oprah

2008-09-29T09:52:00.002-05:00

Oprah's show tomorrow kicks off October's Breast Cancer Awareness month. (I swear, if it wasn't for Halloween and our anniversary, I would hate Oct.-all that pink!) Christina Applegate will be on there talking about her recent diagnosis and bilateral mastectomies. A few of our Chicago area ladies were able to be in the audience and said it should be a good show. Melissa and Keiko were in the front row, not sure where Cara was, but she got a ride there in a huge pink (ugh!again?) limo. It is worth a look--so set those vcr/dvrs!!

Make sure you check out the last two posts also. Starting with the real Palin interview, followed by the SNL skit. I swear, she almost makes Bush look like a Mensa member--and that folks, is extremely scary!!

Hilarious!!!!

2008-09-28T23:18:00.001-05:00

This is SNL's take on the Palin interview in my last post...

Are You Kidding Me???

2008-09-28T12:01:00.001-05:00

Danica, Courtney and Me

2008-09-26T06:42:00.002-05:00

The surgery went fine the other day. I am sore, and can't seem to sleep much, but other than that--good. I was not sick at all from the anesthesia!! That is a big thing! Thinking they got the cocktail right this time, but someone pointed out that maybe I am getting more used to it. I suppose that is possible too.
I am happy with the way things are looking now. This is what I was hoping for in the first place. She tightened the pocket that the implant is in which made a big difference! I have to be very careful to not lift the arms too high right now to keep from popping that open. She also took the scar off all the way across in an attempt to make the scars smaller. She didn't like how much they had stretched out.
I had an appt with her yesterday. John had called to see if I wanted him to come home and take me, I told him no. It was no big deal going up there, but I am sore now. Was trying to not take the Vicodin but had to last night, and will probably need another one this morning.

The bone marrow drive that was scheduled this weekend to try and find a match for Danica is still on. If you have the time, and inclination please think about getting tested. While it is too late for Danica, you may be able to help someone else. Here is the info again on that...

Bone Marrow Drive Reminder
In memory of Danica Martinez
Please register to be tested to become a donor:
Saturday September 27th 2008
11am to 4pm
2333 North Harlem
Chicago, IL 60707
There is an urgent need for minorities to join the registry.Remember testing is painless and free but donations are always welcome.
Please share this information with all your contacts
We can save a life!!!!

Courtney was wise beyond her years. This is from a post she had written. When she was 21.......before her recurrence...

Who am I? Not even I know anymore. I can tell you what I’m not. I’m not a college graduate. I’m not a wife. I’m not a mother. I’m underinsured and under paid. They say I’m not even a patient anymore. I certainly don’t feel like any type of survivor. I’m not bald any longer, wish that I was. Being bald certainly looked better than this mess that is on top of my head now. It was just three years ago that I left home. I’m not a kid, but I’ll admit I’m not an adult. Cancer taught me that. That I can experience menopause twice before I get any over the hill parties, but I haven’t paid enough taxes to receive SSI. Friends?!?….My peers are graduating college, living the best years of their lives, drinking, partying, discovering wonderful opportunities, with the world at their finger tips. They didn’t have to drop out of college to get chemo. Their boyfriends didn’t leave because he’s afraid they’ll die. Or their friends stopped coming over, calling because cancer is scary and now too close to home. No my peers are fine. My friends, however, are the girls who know what zofran is or more importantly how expensive. Those who were also told they were too young for all of this. But now it is those same doctors who say it’s gone. Congratulations! You can now completely restart your life with no blue print, no manual, and no safety net. I’m nothing, at least on paper. You don’t put 18 months of crying, hair loss, and puking on a resume. They say I should go back to school. To pursue a degree I may never use??? It’s gone!?! For now. But remember 20 year olds don’t get breast cancer. Which must mean 21 year olds don’t get reoccurrences? Yes that’s right I’m still scared. Everyday. Miss big, bad breast cancer survivor cries before every check up and is terrified over headaches. The doctors, therapists can tell women with BC how to explain it to their children, manage their careers, and still be intimate with their husbands. They can’t tell me whether Ill ever have children, recover from cancer well enough financially to have a career, or find time between appointments and hot flashes to meet a man who can deal with either. And further dare not discuss real young adult issues with the physician whom saved your life. A young cancer patient should never be as irresponsible as to deal with substance or alcohol abuse, premarital sex, STD’s, or quality of life vs. meds and tests issues. I am a young breast cancer survivor. I am lost, scared, and not quite ready to face the civilian world I am being forced back into.

I also wanted to add this, Tracey had this on her MySpace Bulletin;

IMPORTANT!!! This weekend...

My friend Courtney died after battling stage IV breast cancer on Sept. 15, 2008 at age 23, I was with her. If you can make it please come and support an amazing cause in honor of my amazing friend who died far too young...Thanks
We're kicking off our benefit to remember Courtney and all those that have battled Breast Cancer!
We will have pink cancer awareness bracelets for sale and all the proceeds will go towards the benefit!
We will be donating ALL money made from BODY SHOTS for this benefit!
We [might] have pink Coyote t shirts for sale and ALL money made from their sales will be donated for this benefit!
Any cash donations from our customers, employees, friends, or family will be included!Remember that there is no such thing as too little or too much when donating for a cause as great as this! Hell, if you give us $1 we will appreciate it!
So come on down and bring them $$ bills, ya'll!
If you would like to participate but cannot attend, please send an official bank check (not a personal check) or money order made out to Young Survivors Coalition to:
Coyote Ugly Saloon
316 W Erie Ave
Chicago, IL.60654
Thanks everyone!

If you are out and about this weekend, stop by there!!!

Well, if this seems a bit like rambling, I apologize. I have not gotten much sleep the last couple of days (could have to do with sleeping in the recliner! I can't get comfy anywhere else though). So, I am off to take a nap. 2-3 hours would be wonderful right now!! Then I should still be able to sleep tonight.

2008-09-24T18:45:00.002-05:00

This won't be a long post. Just wanted to let everyone know that I am home from my revision surgery and am doing fine. I actually feel pretty good aside from my left side hurting a bit and being tired. Seems like we got that anesthesia thing down finally

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers!!

Courtney 6/6/1985-9/15/2008

2008-09-15T06:29:00.004-05:00

This is one of my favorite pictures of Courtney, even if I don't know the story behind it.

This is Courtney about a month before she was diagnosed-3 years ago today.

Courtney passed last night around 12:30. Tracey was able to be with her which is what she (Courtney) would have wanted.

She is proof that this damn disease doesn't care how old you are. She should have not had to deal with this at her age. But she did so with courage and "fought like a girl".

May you be at peace now. I will miss you Courtney. Til we meet again......

In Honor of Courtney

2008-09-14T12:23:00.002-05:00

This is the default pic that Courtney has on her myspace page. In honor of her and the struggle she is going through, I have changed the layout of this page.

Courtney is close to her end. She is such a fighter, and not giving up. I can't begin to tell you how this is breaking my heart. The hospital chaplain was in while I was in there the other day. I was hoping that Courtney would then realize that it was okay to move on from this life. She has decided that she isn't ready yet.

Courtney is the first YSCer to pass from this damned disease that I had met in person. She is such a spunky gal. This all just seems so unfair, and unjust. She is only 23. Hell, she was born the year I graduated High School. There are so many things she never got to do, as well as so many people that never had the pleasure of meeting her.

I could go on, but I won't. Just please keep Court in your thoughts and prayers as she gets ready to pass from this world. Please pray for her to find that peace she so deserves.

2008-09-14T09:08:00.001-05:00

Created by Lyla from YSC

2008-09-11T22:39:00.002-05:00

No explanation needed. Click on image for bigger pic.

What the Hell!!

2008-09-02T16:59:00.002-05:00

I feel like typing a whole slew of cuss words here. Blogger may delete me if I do that though. So I won't, but know that I am thinking them!!

Danica is gone. Leaving those three lovely babies behind. She KNEW she would be next. None of us wanted to believe her. DAMN! She was moved to the cardiac unit a couple of days ago and went into cardiac arrest this morning.

Enough for now. Just imagine every cuss word there is being streamed right now. Even if it is only in my head--the girls are home.

Gotta go

Can You Help Danica??

2008-08-26T12:23:00.003-05:00

This is Danica. You may remember that I have written about her before. She was diagnosed at the age of 28-she is now 31. As you can see in the picture, she has 3 fairly young children. She is a single mom, with not a lot of family support (again-don't understand that, but..). She now has chemo induced leukemia, she needs a bone marrow transplant. So far there have not been any matches. One of the ladies is putting together a bone marrow drive in Chicago (other ladies are doing this in other areas). Please click here to view more information, and PLEASE pass the information along to anyone that you think could help out. The drive is on September 27th -233 N. Harlem from 11-4.

It is my understanding that now they simply draw blood to check for a match. I would get tested if I could. Unfortunately anyone that has had cancer is not eligible.

PLEASE get tested if you can. Here are the eligibility requirements. Danica is fighting for her life! She has been in the hospital more than she has been at home. The treatments they are giving her are working for now, however her body is getting tired from these treatments. She needs a match to be found. PLEASE help her be around to watch her children grow up!!

Courtney

2008-08-18T11:50:00.002-05:00

Saturday I had some training in Chicago for the Network of Strength (aka Y-ME). I was the only one that showed up. So very one on one training! It is not exactly what I thought it was going to be. I thought it was for the health fairs--where you have a booth, pass out information, and talk to people that way. NO. It is to stand up in front of a room of people and talk to them. Not totally happy with this, but I guess I'll give it a try. I'm not as freaked out at the moment as I thought I would be. But of course that will change once something is set up.

I am hoping to get them going on doing something with younger survivors. Since the YSC has dropped the ball on this. I guess they figure since Chicago has Y-ME (I hate the new name) that they aren't needed. Not true. Maybe the two organizations can work together??

After that I went to see Courtney. She was still in ICU, but was being moved back to a regular room later that day. She has responded well to the new pain meds-that is wonderful! She was obviously tired-but didn't seem to be in as much pain as Tracey had mentioned her being in before. Again, Great News!! I had given her some wigs the last time I had seen her, she was due to start chemo again. She had since found out that the type of chemo she will have, she will not lose her hair. She said she liked the long curly wig though--we told her that she could always wear the wig anyway!!

Tracey has been by Courtney's side since last Tuesday. Thank god she has her!! She has been the one dealing with the doctors since her family isn't there. It would have been way too much for Courtney to deal with by herself. I really don't understand her mom. I met her back in December, I would never thought she would be like this. She was due to come today. If that was my daughter, you would not have gotten me out of that room. I guess I just don't understand. And probably never will, since this is not the way I think. She lives in Fort Wayne, IN. not all that far away. A group of about 9 friends and one of their mothers come to see Courtney Saturday-but her mom isn't there yet. Go figure.

Last week the drs had given Courtney 2 weeks to 2 months-a time line she didn't want to know. Saturday Tracey told me that since she is responding so well to the pain meds they have upgraded that to months. Obviously great news. Still hoping for a miracle in there. Hoping also that all of that time isn't spent in the hospital or hospice-that she gets to get out and enjoy herself at least a little bit. She does know the time line now--her dad did not respect her wishes and told her. (again--don't understand the thinking).

GOLD!!!! and...

2008-08-15T01:23:00.004-05:00

Silver!!! Way to go USA!! The women's gymnastics was awesome tonight!! Nastia Liukin won the gold, with Shawn Johnson taking the silver. I won't pretend to completely understand the way they score them. I do have to say though, that I didn't get how they did some of the scoring, it just seemed off. Doesn't matter though! I can't wait to watch again with Haley tomorrow. I also can't wait until October!! I recently got tickets for the world gymnastics tour, which features-among others-Nastia and Shawn! This will be awesome! I haven't told Haley yet, so if you see her, don't let her know. It will be her and I, as well as Jenna and one of the girls from her gymnastics (Carissa) and her mom. I bet those tickets are going to start selling faster now!!

Meet Courtney

2008-08-14T12:22:00.004-05:00

Watch Courtney have fun dancing...

Courtney Getting Down

Courtney is a classically trained dancer, and loves to dance. The last time I saw her, it absolutely broke my heart because she was walking like she was 80. Now she is in the hospital again. She is in alot of pain, they are moving her back to ICU to manage the pain. It is not looking good. Another Chicago gal, Tracey, has been by her side. Her family is in Indiana, she does live with one sister, but she is not "there" for her. Not sure the whole story there, but it is sad. I plan on going to see her Saturday after my Y-Me volunteer training.

I am asking that you keep Courtney in your thoughts and prayers, or light a candle for her, whatever it is that you do. It completely sucks that at 23 she is having to go through this. It completely sucks that she probably will not make it to see this Christmas, or this fall. She should be out partying, having a blast, not going through this.

My heart is breaking. I don't know Courtney as well as some of the other Chicago ladies. She has a special place in my heart though. The outlook is not good. I wish there were some miracle to reverse this and return her to her youthful life. If she must leave us, I pray that she is pain free. I know I couldn't do what Tracey is doing. She is being a great friend-staying with her non stop. God this just sucks.

*******

2008-08-10T22:36:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday to me!!!

The big 4-1

Say WHAT????

2008-08-09T21:38:00.001-05:00

Ok, this may not be for everyone, but OMG!!! It is freakin hilarious!!!

Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench

Idiots!!!

2008-08-07T23:10:00.002-05:00

People are amazing! And I don't mean that in a good way. The girls and I were out today. I was at a light waiting to turn right, the light changes, I have to wait for the kid to finish riding his bike across the road before I turn. Well, the idiot behind me honks because I am not moving!! Can you believe it?? What could they possibly have to do that is so important that it is worth running a kid over? I mean really.

Not Really into politcs, but...

2008-08-03T13:07:00.002-05:00

I am not real well read on politics. I tend to stay away from the subject as much as possible. It just tends to start to many fights. And lets face it you aren't going to change my mind, and I am not going to change yours. BUT... for those sitting on the fence about the upcoming election, someone posted this on the bulletin board, and I think it is VERY important..........

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McCain's Health Care Plan McCain gave a speech on his health care plan yesterday which said very little. In this NY Times article, McCain's economic advisor Holtz-Eakin makes it clear that their political strategy is to avoid getting tied down on any details, so that the glaring flaws in the plan won't be quite so obvious.

Let's start with the one hard proposal McCain has made: he would tax employer-sponsored health insurance and create new tax credits--$5000 for a family and $2500 for an individual--for people who buy their own insurance. As Holtz-Eakin made clear in the talk I attended last month, this means that workers would have to pay taxes on the value of health benefits they received from employers. This is explicitly an attempt to kill the existing system of employer-provided care by dramatically increasing taxes on workers.

How would this work out for the typical worker? Consider this information from the most recent Kaiser Family Foundation study of health care costs:In 2007, for a family the average total premium for a health care plan was $12,106, with $8824 paid by the employer. Let's say the McCain plan is enacted. What would happen to that average family if the employer continued to provide coverage (Scenario 1)? For a married couple filing jointly with income $63K-128K, the marginal tax rate is 25%, so they would face a tax increase of $2406 (25% of $8824).

But of course the intent of the McCain plan is to kill the employer-provided system. So let's say the McCain program is adopted and your employer drops your family's coverage (Scenario 2). What would happen? You would now have to foot the complete $12,106 bill for coverage, a $8825 increase over the employee-portion you're currently paying. This would be offset by a $5000 tax credit. So net, you would end up paying $3325 ($8825-$5000) more for your health care.

So, remarkably, McCain has managed to design a heads-you-lose, tails-you-lose program. Either your employer keeps your coverage, in which case you face a huge tax increase. Or your employer drops your coverage, and you face an even more massive increase in your out-of-pocket health-care costs.

The best-case scenario would be that employers who dropped coverage would then increase wages, compensating workers for the jump in what they have to pay for health care. In the long-run, there's a fair case to be made that this would happen, but as Keynes famously remarked, "In the long run, we're all dead," and the transition period would be extremely painful.

Strangely, although the plan is plainly an attempt to deep-six the employer-provided system, according to the NY Time article, "Mr. Holtz-Eakin said he believed that many employers would still offer health insurance to try to attract the best workers ..." If that's right, these workers would face a huge jump in their tax bill (see Scenario 1 above).

None of this gets to the key problem in McCain's plan: on the individual market, people with pre-existing conditions would be denied coverage. Here's the relevant part of the Times article:

Mr. McCain had previously described aspects of his health care plan but on Tuesday offered new details on how to cover people with existing health problems, in a nod to the growing concerns about the difficulties that many sick, older and low-income people have getting insurance.

Elizabeth Edwards ... recently pointed out that both she and Mr. McCain could be left uncovered by Mr. McCain’s plan because she has cancer and he has had melanoma. Stung by such criticism, Mr. McCain is trying to develop a way to cover people with health problems while still taking a generally market-based approach to solving the health care crisis.

“I’ll work tirelessly to address the problem,” Mr. McCain said in a speech here at the H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center & Research Institute. “But I won’t create another entitlement program that Washington will let get out of control. I won’t do it. Nor will I saddle states with another unfunded mandate.”

For people who currently get health insurance through their jobs, Mr. McCain’s plan would give them a tax credit that they could put toward buying a different, and potentially less expensive, health insurance plan tailored to their needs — and allow them to keep that health plan, and their doctors, even if they switch or lose their jobs.

But Democrats and some experts said the proposal might lead some employers to stop offering health insurance, and questioned whether the tax credit would cover the cost of private insurance ....

Mr. McCain’s speech here implicitly acknowledged some of the shortcomings of his free-market approach. But rather than force insurers to stop cherry-picking the healthiest — and least expensive — patients, Mr. McCain proposed that the federal government work with states to cover those who cannot find insurance on the open market. With federal financial assistance, his plan would encourage states to create high-risk pools that would contract with insurers to cover consumers who have been rejected on the open market.

Mr. McCain was vague Tuesday about just how his safety net would be structured, and did not specify how much it might cost, leaving the details to negotiations with Congress and the states. But his top domestic policy adviser, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, said in an interview that the federal share could cost between $7 billion and $10 billion — money he said could be redirected from existing federal programs that pay for uncompensated medical care, mainly in hospitals.

Mr. Holtz-Eakin said that sum, when combined with contributions expected from the states and insurers, that could provide coverage for the five million to seven million uninsured people t he estimates cannot obtain it because of their health or age.

These figures are nonsense on their face. If the federal government is going to subsidize a high-risk pool of 5-7 million people with $7-10 billion a year, the proposed subsidy is $1400 year. There is no way to this is going to be anywhere close to covering the extra insurance costs for a group that consists of old and sick people. Although McCain intentionally leaves out the details, the only place these extra funds could come from is from the states. In other words, although McCain says, "Nor will I saddle states with another unfunded mandate,” this is exactly what his plan would do.

Additionally, the 5-7 million is surely a vast underestimate of the number of people who would not be able to obtain health insurance in McCain-land. Anyone old, sick, or with a prior condition--a number that would easily be in the several tens of millions--would not be able to obtain insurance at anything other than obscene rates. Faced with no restrictions, insurers would cherry pick only the low-risk customers.

Overall, the McCain plan would raise taxes on workers in an effort to eviscerate the current health care system in the name of free market idolatry. To the extent it fails to completely destroy the existing system--as McCain's advisor anticipates--it would saddle the average family with $2400 in extra taxes to penalize them for having employer-sponsored care. And if the McCain plan succeeded in killing the current system, it would leave tens of millions unable to buy any care, until he comes up with some new safety net, details to be provided later, i.e. never.
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Sounds very scary to me. I felt an extreme dread when I found out that W had won the reelection (That man has done NOTHING to gain my respect, therefor I refuse to call him president). I feel the same sense of dread at the thought of Mc Cain being elected. This country has been through hell the last 8 years. It is time for a change!!

Ok, off my soap box for now.

Two More Gone.....

2008-07-26T09:18:00.007-05:00

Two more of my lovely YSC friends have passed away in the last couple of weeks. Something REALLY needs to be done about this. Two young children are now without their moms. And the world is without the wit and smiley faces of these two Wonderful women.

Lola passed away this past Sunday July 20th. She was a huge presence on the boards, and always good for a laugh. Living in Scotland, I don't know that anyone had met her in person yet. One lady is in Europe now on vacation and had planned on meeting up with Lola this week. Was just talking to her about it the week before she died. It was that sudden.

Lola was diagnosed just 2 months before me. She then had a recurrence the following year. Her daughters birthday was days after she passed. Not exactly sure how old Robyn is, but from the pic (dated 2005) I am guessing around 5. I am not sure how old Lola was. I am guessing close to my age, but could be completely off.

Lola our view from across the pond

Lola's beautiful daughter

Jayme was a friend from Wisconsin. She had hoped several times to make it to one of our Chicago gatherings, but unfortunately wasn't able to make it. I had mentioned at one time that I would love to get some kind of girls weekend together and would let her know about it--but we were never able to get that together either. That I regret. Jayme's will was amazing. She had a great outlook, even with all that she had been through.

She also left a child within days of his birthday. Below are my favorite pics of Jayme, the first with her laying her head on Kody's lap is priceless. The second pic is what I think of when I think of her.

I was not able to go up for Jayme's funeral service. I wish I could have. I had a Library Finance Committee meeting that I had to be at. This does bother me that I wasn't able to be there. She was just 35 years old.

Jayme Gonzalez-getting a hug from her son

One of my favorite pictures of Jayme

Both ladies will be missed. Something has got to be done. Children need to quit losing there mommies.

Randy Pausch

2008-07-25T10:29:00.002-05:00

Randy Pausch passed away this moring due to complications from Pancreatic Cancer. This man was an inspiration to millions. His Last Lecture on youtube and in book form are something that everyone should see/read. Below is the article from the Carnegie Mellon College....

Randy Pausch Inspired Millions
Randy Pausch, the professor at Carnegie Mellon University who inspired countless students in the classroom and others worldwide through his highly acclaimed last lecture, has died of complications from pancreatic cancer. He was 47.
Also a Carnegie Mellon alumnus, Pausch co-founded the Entertainment Technology Center and led researchers who created Alice, a revolutionary way to teach computer programming. He was widely respected in academic circles for a unique interdisciplinary approach, bringing together artists, dramatists and designers to break new ground by working in collaboration with computer scientists.
Outside the classroom, he gained public fame for delivering what would come to be known as "The Last Lecture." On Sept. 18, 2007, only a month after doctors told him that he had three-to-six months to live following a recurrence of pancreatic cancer, he presented a lecture called "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" to a packed auditorium at Carnegie Mellon.The moving and often humorous talk recounted his efforts to achieve such childhood dreams as becoming a professional football player, experiencing zero gravity and developing Disney World attractions. In the process, he shared his insights on finding the good in other people, working hard to overcome obstacles and living generously."If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself," Pausch said. "The dreams will come to you."The video appeared on countless websites and has been viewed by millions. Appearances on the Oprah Winfrey Show, ABC's Good Morning America and the CBS Evening News followed.A book version, "The Last Lecture" co-written by Jeff Zaslow of the Wall Street Journal (and a fellow Carnegie Mellon alumnus), became a best-seller upon its release this spring."Randy had an enormous and lasting impact on Carnegie Mellon," said Carnegie Mellon President Jared L. Cohon. "A brilliant researcher and gifted teacher, he was a key member of our Human-Computer Interaction Institute and co-founder of the Entertainment Technology Center. His love of teaching, his sense of fun and his brilliance came together in the Alice project, which teaches students computer programming while enabling them to do something fun — making animated movies and games. Carnegie Mellon — and the world — are better places for having had Randy Pausch in them."Pausch was also a pioneer in the development of virtual reality, including creating the popular Building Virtual Worlds class.A memorial service at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh is being planned; details will be announced at a later date.He is survived by his wife, Jai, and three children: Chloe, Dylan and Logan. The family requests that donations on his behalf be directed to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, 2141 Rosecrans Ave., Suite 7000, El Segundo, CA 90245, or to Carnegie Mellon's Randy Pausch Memorial Fund, which the university will use primarily to support continued work on the Alice project.
For more information on Randy's life and legacy, read In Memoriam: Randy Pausch, Innovative Computer Scientist at Carnegie Mellon, Launched Education Initiatives, Gained Worldwide Acclaim for Last Lecture.

Unfortunately the links don't come through when you copy and paste. So if you would like to see the whole article with clickable links, click here..

RIP Mr. Pausch

I'm Fine Folks!!

2008-07-14T23:15:00.002-05:00

Apparently my posts, and/or lack of, are freaking a few people out. I assure you that I am FINE!!! I am allowed to have off days. And I will have them. When I do, I post about them here-occasionally-so that others going through this realize that they are not the first to go through this.

I am normally optimistic. Anyone who knows me, knows this. I copied that article so that on those days that I am not feeling upbeat I won't have people telling me how I have to be happy because it is healthy for me. It is not healthy for me, or anyone, to keep everything they are feeling inside. I am not one to share those negative feelings verbally-so, I write them here. It is a way to get it out for me.

Please, read the disclaimer at the top of this page!!!

On another note, I have been keeping pretty busy this summer and have not had a lot of time to post on here. I will get back to posting when things slow down a little. (probably in the fall). And when I do, I will be starting to gear this more towards a page about my family and less about cancer.

Oh--one more note. I lost another friend this past Friday to this crap. 35 years old. Her son turns 5 tomorrow. More optimistic and full of life than anyone I have ever met. So yeah, that shit hits hard. On several levels. I will post more about Jayme in a few days. When hopefully I won't well up with tears, and will be able to see what the hell I am writing.

Our Relay for Life is this Friday. If you haven't made a donation, please do. The links are on the left. You can donate under my name, John, or the girls. The most important thing is that you donate. Any amount you feel comfortable with can help a great deal.

Nuff said. I'm off to bed.

Funk....

2008-07-06T23:01:00.002-05:00

I am back in a funk. There are several reasons I can think of for this, none of which do I want to discuss right now.
What I will say is that I will continue to post on here, although you will see less and less cancer talk, and it will begin just being more about me and my family. I'm sure occasionally something having to do with cancer will pop up. I am trying to move on and not think about it as much.
The funk is cancer related. I took an Ativan last night to slow my mind down so I could sleep. I think tonight I will take a sleeping pill. If I can get a few good nights of sleep, that may help the funk.

Thanks for always being there, and for listening!!

Good to Know..

2008-07-05T19:04:00.003-05:00

I know I normally can look at the bright side of things, this is good to know for those days when the bright side seems to be out of reach.

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http://www.abc.net.au/pm/content/2008/s2262841.htm
Positive thinking does not help fight cancer: study PRINT FRIENDLY EMAIL STORY PM - Monday, 2 June , 2008 18:14:00Reporter: Barbara Miller
MARK COLVIN: We journalists too often deploy the cliche about people "battling" cancer, but now Australian researchers have found that there's actually nothing much a patient's attitude can do to fight the disease.Cancer specialists agree that it's a finding which is both reassuring and unsettling.They've concluded that a breast cancer patient's attitude to the illness has no influence whatsoever on their chance of survival. The scientists say the work proves that patients should stop blaming themselves if their cancer returns.But some patients aren't keen to let go of their belief in the power of positive thinking.This report from Barbara Miller.
BARBARA MILLER: It's an idea which has been gaining ground for some time. Smaller studies have already suggested that positive thinking does not boost a cancer patient's chance of survival.Those findings have now been confirmed with a large long-term study involving the assessment of more than 700 breast cancer patients over a period of eight years.The study's lead author Associate Professor Kelly-Anne Phillips from the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre in Melbourne has just presented the findings at a major cancer conference in Chicago. She says for some patients it's good news.
KELLY-ANNE PHILLIPS: I think it’s certainly good news for those women that I see whose cancer has unfortunately returned and who come to me and are really blaming themselves for not having thought positively enough or having been depressed or anxious after their cancer diagnosis.And they come along thinking that is the main reason their cancer has recurred. And now I’m able to tell those women, look that’s just not true.
BARBARA MILLER: Kelly-Anne Philipps, who's also a Colebatch Clinical Research Fellow at the Cancer Council of Victoria, says the findings don't need to take away a patient's sense of having control over their illness.
KELLY-ANNE PHILLIPS: The things that are important are, you know, having the right treatment and taking the appropriate treatment and also there are other emerging factors that are important in survival after breast cancer, so things like regular exercise for example, is something that women do have control over and it seems to be emerging as an important prognostic factor, maintaining normal body weight for example, is clearly a very important prognostic factor after breast cancer.So I think it means that women can focus on the things that we really do know make a difference.
BARBARA MILLER: Dr Jane Turner, a spokesperson for the Cancer Council, has welcomed the research.
JANE TURNER: I’m absolutely delighted because a number of people believe that stress causes cancer and women are commonly told to be positive. However, that denies them the chance to talk about the things that are really concerning them, it denies them the chance to necessarily seek the support they might need, and it also denies them a chance to seek treatment for anxiety and depression, which are very common.Some people are naturally optimistic, some people are worriers. You can’t turn yourself into something you’re not, nor should you feel burdened that you have to.
BARBARA MILLER: Would you expect that these findings would also apply to other forms of cancer?
JANE TURNER: I would expect so. There has been some research done in Melbourne, at Peter MacCallum Hospital, looking at lung cancer and they’ve found similar results.
BARBARA MILLER: But some cancer patients are sceptical about the findings.Lizzie Wheeler from New South Wales was diagnosed two years ago with ovarian cancer.
LIZZIE WHEELER: I don’t think I could have made it this far if I didn’t have a positive outlook and everybody around me was positive. I’ve had times where things have been really rough and I’ve been really ill, but I’ve managed to bounce back up again.
BARBARA MILLER: What do you make then of this study that finds that the attitude that people have, in this particular case, to do with breast cancer had no impact on their chance of survival?
LIZZIE WHEELER: I’m not sure where they’re coming from with that. I don’t know. I can’t believe that your attitude doesn’t have an outcome that helps with you to keep going.
BARBARA MILLER: John Stubbs is the executive officer with the advocacy group, Cancer Voices Australia. He says the research findings will help some patients.
JOHN STUBBS: Personally, I feel that my positive attitude was of great benefit to me, not only that, I had a great clinician and I had great family support. So, I think I got the whole package.It’s probably fair to say that there would be a number … or there would be many cancer patients who feel the same, or there may be an equal number of patients who don’t want to be trapped – I think we call it, trapped in the prism of the positive, that they’ve been positive throughout their cancer and its returned and all of a sudden they’re made to feel guilty about that.So, I think there will be some good things that’ll come out of this report.
BARBARA MILLER: That report prepared by Barbara Miller.
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http://www.webmd.com/cancer/news/20071022/...snt-whip-cancer
Positive Attitude Doesn't Whip Cancer?
Patients' Positive Thinking Has No Impact on Cancer Survival, Study ShowsBy Salynn Boyles

WebMD Health NewsReviewed by Louise Chang, MDOct. 22, 2007 -- Having a positive attitude may help cancer patients deal with their disease, but it doesn't directly affect survival, according to one of the largest and most rigorously designed investigations ever to examine the issue.
The study included more than 1,000 people treated for head and neck cancer; the emotional state of patients was found to have no influence on survival.The findings add to the growing evidence showing no scientific basis for the popular notion that an upbeat attitude is critical for "beating" cancer, says University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine behavioral scientist James C. Coyne, PhD, who led the study team."I wish it were true that cancer survival was influenced by the patient's emotional state," he tells WebMD. "But given that it is not, I think we should stop blaming the patient."'The Tyranny of Positive Thinking' Jimmie Holland, MD, agrees. The Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center psychiatrist is a longtime critic of the "mind over cancer" proponents who tell patients they must stay positive to survive their disease.In her book The Human Side of Cancer, Living with Hope, Coping with Uncertainty, Holland coined the term "the tyranny of positive thinking" to describe the belief."The idea that we can control illness and death with our minds appeals to our deepest yearnings, but it just isn't so," she tells WebMD. "It is so sad that cancer patients are made to believe that if they aren't doing well it is somehow their own fault because they aren't positive enough."Holland does acknowledge the benefits of staying positive during cancer treatment, and she is an advocate of techniques like relaxation, meditation, support groups, and prayer to help patients cope with their disease.But she says there is no credible evidence that positive thinking alone directly influences tumor growth."People really want to believe this, so even very good studies like this one probably won't change public thinking," she says. "But the scientific community is getting the message."Attitude and Cancer SurvivalThe newly published study included 1,093 patients with head and neck cancer who completed quality-of-life questionnaires during their treatment.Coyne says the study group was limited to patients with a single cancer who had similar treatments to better assess the impact of state of mind on survival.A total of 646 patients died during the study follow-up. Even after acounting for other variables that could affect survival, a patient's emotional state was found to have no bearing on whether or not he or she lived or died.The study appears in the Dec. 1 issue of the American Cancer Society (ACS) journal Cancer.In a separate review of other studies published earlier this year, Coyne, University of Pennsylvania colleague Steven Palmer, PhD, and ACS researcher Michael Stefanek, PhD, found insufficient evidence that participation in psychotherapy or cancer support groups plays a role in survival.In that report, the researchers concluded that the hope that emotional state is a driving factor in cancer outcomes "appears to have been misplaced.""If cancer patients want psychotherapy or to be in a support group, they should be given the opportunity to do so," they wrote in the journal Psychological Bulletin. "There can be lots of emotional and social benefits. But [patients] should not seek such experiences solely on the expectation that they are extending their lives."
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A Sea of Pink??

2008-05-11T11:00:00.000-05:00

NOT!! More like a sea of umbrellas!

That was what the Y-Me walk looked like today. Short of snowing, I don't think the weather could have gotten any worse. It poured the whole time, and was down right chilly. I was really disappointed-it was too hard to get into the experience.

For some reason I felt I needed to do this by myself. Not completely sure why, but I went with it. (I am glad I didn't bring the girls-they would have been miserable, making me more miserable.) Luckily I did bring layers of clothes and an umbrella. I did not think to bring extra shoes though, and am now in the process of drying them out. The wind gusts were upwards of 40 mph-which of course flipped my umbrella inside out a few times. I ended up soaked despite having it. I walked to and from the hotel, rather than have to park again. The way back it was raining harder, and windier. I will probably do this again next year, but NOT if it is raining.

On the plus side, the hotel is really nice. I am at the Hyatt downtown-I pricelined it again. $88-tax and all. And let me tell you, this room is HUGE! Again, I had felt like I needed to do this myself. I guess I was hoping something would happen that would bring me out of this funk that I am in. I can't even begin to explain it to you. The thoughts that I have had lately are just wrong (nothing suicidal, so don't worry). I am really hoping that when I see the dr on Tuesday and he says that the scans were all clear, that I will start to feel better. But I am seriously starting to doubt that. If it doesn't I may have to ask for a referral to speak to someone. I guess I just feel this doom on and off-no rhyme or reason as to why it rears up. I am sad alot--of course I don't show anyone that. I try to be the "happy" person they need to see. It is wearing on me though. I think this is part of the reason to be here myself this weekend.

I think also that I was hoping to get the chance to speak with some other survivors that are further out of treatment. With the weather so crappy, that wasn't really possible. Ah well, I guess this is something I have to work out for myself.

For all you moms out there--I hope you enjoy your day. Me---I am off to dry out the shoes some more!

I Know, I know...

2008-04-29T14:24:00.001-05:00

I haven't been on here in awhile. I have kind of been in a really weird place emotionally, so I haven't felt like posting.

I promise to update soon.

Thanks for your patience.

T-I-Double G-ER

2008-04-11T08:29:00.003-05:00

I will explain this in a minute....But first...

This coming Tuesday--April 15th will be my last Herceptin--Yeah!! Feel free to send congrats, leave comments here, or call--but wait til Wednesday as I will be too tired Tuesday and will probably be napping. I will be talking with the doc that morning and will know exactly where we go from here. I have an idea, but I am sure he will spell it out for me then. I am still going to insist that this damn port comes out. I am so over this thing, and it is bothering me more and more. This could be psychological, I know-but I want it gone. I also think I am going to insist on scans. The only thing we have done so far is a chest x-ray, which I believe we will be doing again soon. Other than that, he doesn't really do scans unless something shows up in the blood work. Cathy's drs found her mets later b/c they didn't scan. I don't want that happening to me. If this crap is coming back, I want to know and get on it as soon as possible. Yes, finishing treatment is a great thing, don't get me wrong, but there are some mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, you are done, did all you can do, and can get back to a "normal life". On the other hand, you did all you can do-now it is a game of did I beat it for good, or not? I really didn't think I would be one of the people that sat around worrying about it coming back. I still don't think it will be on my mind all the time, but with all that has been going on lately, I do worry about it coming back. I truly believe I have beat this. That I will be 70 plus and saying I am a 30 year (or more) survivor. Hopefully, they will have this crap licked by then, and I will have no one to say that to. There is still a small voice in the back of my head that says--What if?? Especially with the way things have been going on the list lately. So many recurrences. Three ladies have passed away. A few ladies that are near and dear to my heart are having a rough time. Jayme is in the hospital in pain. Possibly nerve pain--the worst to try and do anything with. Seems she may have fluid building up around her lungs, which is affecting her heart. She has a loving hubby and a young son. Danica is back in the hospital with her leukemia (which they are again saying is chemo induced)-she has three children. And Courtney. A fellow Chicago area lady that is really having a rough time of it. At 23, she has dealt with more than most people have in a lifetime. She is in a back brace, her mets involving her spine. She should be out partying, enjoying life, feeling invincible. Not feeling old beyond her years because of this damn disease.

Pictures. I need to take more pictures. Or, actually, I need to get more pictures taken of me. I went to Cathy's wake last week, there were tons of pictures of her. I am usually the one behind the camera, so not usually in the picture. Even if I die of old age at 100 plus (I want to be one of those centurions!!), I want there to be lots of pictures of me through all of my life. They even had the pic of Cathy in Chicago--looking up-copied and in the corner was her birthdate and the day she died. So much nicer- I think -than the prayer cards. That is what I want done, and what I want to be able to do for others too. So, if I am taking more pics--deal with it! I need a way to preserve memories!

Now again, with finishing treatment, I am happy. I have to say though that people tend to think that that is it. You're done now, it is over. Please, I beg of you, do not utter these words to me. This will never be done for me. I will forever live with a body different than the one I was born with b/c of this. I have been emotionally and mentally (some would say this is a good thing!) b/c of this. I will have more dr appt b/c of this. I am alive, and I will push the occasional fear to to back of my head, but it will never be truly "over". I know that may be hard for you to understand. May even sound pessimistic. But it really isn't. (Wasn't I just talking about living to 100 +??) Just honest.

Netflix is a wonderful thing. (How's that for changing the subject??) It was great during treatment, and wonderful for recovery from surgery. If you know someone that is dealing with either of those things and are wanting to do something for them, think about getting them a subscription for a month or two. And no, I do not work for them, or have stock in them. Anyway..I sat down to watch a movie yesterday and unfortunately it was scratched. Well since I had my laptop set up and was in the mood to watch something (I love watching movies on my laptop!) I browsed Netflix's online catalog. These are movies etc that you can watch immediately. I couldn't find a movie I really wanted to see, but they had Dexter on there. For those that don't know, this is a Showtime Original series-I always thought I would like it, but never got around to watching it. Well, last night I sat and watched four episodes. I am hooked. The first one moved a little slow, but left me hanging at the end-so I had to see the next one. Then I was hooked. I need to catch up with this show. It is dark and crazy. Right up my alley!! It is about a serial killer. But he only kills the bad guys. Give it a try!

On the same sort of note, the girls and I watched Alvin and the Chipmunks last weekend-very cute!! I knew I would like this one. We also watched Sweeney Todd. This was good--but you have to like musicals, as it is pretty much all singing. There was part that was unexpected--and I just started laughing--I couldn't stop. Jenna said "Mom, Haley has a look of disgust and you are laughing"--I couldn't help it.

Ok, On to Tigger. I don't know if you have heard of "The Last Lecture" or not. Randy Pausch is dying of pancreatic cancer. This is a lecture he gave at the school he teaches at. His attitude is amazing. I think everyone should at least watch the Diane Sawyer special that was on Wednesday. I have this saved on DVR--come on over if you would like to see it. You can also watch it online here. The full lecture is on YouTube. There is also a book--I plan on getting this. I have not had an opportunity to watch the full lecture yet, but I plan to very soon. There is also a link to this on the ABC News site. One of the questions he asks is, "are you a Tigger or an Eyeore?" Now while I love Eyeore--I mean he is soooo cute, I myself am a Tigger (who also happens to be one of my favorites). Hence the Tigger graphic and title to this post. I hope you either are, or will work on being a Tigger with me.

Cancer Sucks!

2008-03-30T12:10:00.002-05:00

One of my friends from the YSC boards passed away last night. She was surrounded by her family and was peaceful. But I am so sad and pissed off right now. She was about 33, left behind a wonderful hubby and son. I don't remember how old Danny is, but I am thinking around 3.
Cathy was known as Mama Cath on the boards. She kind of took the newer ladies under her wing. She had a great way of looking at things too. This is from a post she had in June o6;

It's happening again.

Every once in a while the board goes through a really tough time. Our hearts break for our sisters whose cancers are spreading at frightening rates. We see their selfless, innocent posts that detail the cancer taking over. How they feel, what they're thinking. What they need. The struggle, the powerlessness, the strength and courage.

I just wanted to pull all you newbies in close and let you know that we've all been there and you are probably absolutely freaking out right now. Chemo has beaten you up, you feel like a shadow of who you used to be. Tired, depressed and overwhelmed.

You may even feel guilty because you are not only sad for these beautiful women, but you are sad FOR YOU. You see yourself in every one of these women that becomes so very sick and then loses the battle.

It's normal to feel this way and it's OK. We understand and so do they. Your mother may not, your husband may not. your friends may not, but we do.

And there's nothing wrong with feeling sad and getting angry. But please remember that the odds are that YOU are going to get better. YOU are going to get your hair back and start to feel well again. YOU are going to get back to the life that you want to lead.

So if you are checking the boards incessantly right now, reading the latest post, then sobbing and then going back for more.....been there too. You are grieving....this disease is not fair....it's disgusting and ugly and perverse. And it's so much more unfair to certain sisters than others. And there's nothing fair about that.

So grieve for them. Grieve for you. And then remember that you will get better.

Love,
cathy

I can't begin to tell you how many women that post has helped, and continues to help. Cathy was dx'd in April 2005 at the age of 30. January 2007 she was dx'd with mets to the liver, lungs and bone. She was posting on the board up until about a month ago. She had planned on going to the conference in Florida this year, but had to back out as she wasn't feeling up to it.

I wish I could have met Cathy in person. But I feel extremely privileged to have known her in any capacity.

Be sure to check the next post for pictures of Cathy. I can't figure out how to put them in this post the way I want.

Pics of Cathy

2008-03-30T12:02:00.005-05:00

Cathy, Dan and Danny

Playing in the Rain

Although living in Texas now, Cathy is originally from Chicago. This is a picture of her there from her last visit.

Cathy and Danny at a Sox game.

Migraines...

2008-03-21T12:14:00.002-05:00

..and sleeplessness.

I was out running errands yesterday and started getting a headache. I was hoping to finish what I was doing before it really hit. I was not so lucky. I hadn't eaten, so I thought that may help. One the way home I stopped at Burger King. However the smell made me feel worse. I did have some of that migraine medicine in the car that the dr gave me, I took that. You are supposed to take it when the headache starts, so I waited a little too long. I was not sure I was going to make it home without throwing up. Somehow I did. Thankfully. That headache did finally fade, but didn't go away totally until about 8 last night. I ended up taking some Excedrin Migraine also. Then....I couldn't sleep. That always makes for a fun night. At least we didn't have to get up for school today.

So, a little tired today, but no headache.

Yuk, Yuk, Yuk

2008-03-19T17:05:00.003-05:00

I am so damn sick of this weather. Sunshine and warmth, where are you?? I have seen tons of robins--where is Spring?? The girls even called me into Jenna's room the other day to show me the 20 or so robins in our front yard! I really hope it warms up for the girls next week, they will be on Spring Break.

I am not feeling the greatest today. Not sure if I am trying to catch something, or if I ate something that got to me last night. I guess it doesn't much matter-either way, I'm not feeling well.

I had a follow up conference call with Pasha and Christine today. It was basically just to talk to me more one on one--get my "story" to make a better match. They did ask that I post about the POC on the BB to help get the word out.

One more day until the girls are off for a week. I need to go get their Easter basket stuff. Shouldn't really take that long as I don't plan on getting alot of stuff.

Robin Watch....

2008-03-15T11:03:00.003-05:00

It is that time of year again, time to start looking for robins, and hoping Spring isn't far behind. Last year I saw the first robin on March 6th. This year was a little later, March 13th. This has been one long, cold winter. I will be so glad when it is gone.
I have been watching for the robins for awhile now, hoping for the end of this winter. Nothing. Dad had 12 in his yard the first weekend in March. While in Indy I saw one on the bush as I was walking out to brush snow off the car. (These don't count, as they weren't in my yard.) But nothing here. Then as I was cleaning house Thursday, I happened to glance out the window and there he was, in our front yard. Since of course, I have seen several more. YEAH!!!!

On another note, I had my appt with the cardiologist yesterday. I went in prepared for her to yell at me for not doing more to lose weight. I was wrong. She mentioned the 5 lbs I did lose, then told me that it is not unusual for breast cancer patients to gain weight. She asked if we talked about exercise last time. I told her that we did. She told me that when I do start working out, I will not build muscle as fast as I used to. Another lovely gift of cancer--in particular the adraimycin I had during chemo. This can stay in your body for 2 years. And is in every part of my body. Lovely! I asked her if that could lead to fatigue--she said yes, definitely. Another thing that can lead to the fatigue is the leaky valve in my heart. (By the way, my heart looked the same, it hasn't gotten worse, and she is confident that this will reverse itself once I am finished with the herceptin.) Cancer, the gift that keeps on giving--NOT! Thanks alot! She said that for her, she felt about 85% back to normal about 6 months after finishing the herceptin. One year later, she was back to her former self. So, Next April I will be back to my former self (will I recognize me?? LOL). In Oct. hopefully I will be close. Something to look forward to. Of course, she doesn't talk about this stuff at the one appt that John went to. Then she had to talk about weight and exercise, and what I should be doing in those areas to avoid a recurrence.
We also talked about ports. I want mine out ASAP after the last herceptin. The chemo nurses had said Dr. S likes to keep them in for 6 months to a year usually. No freakin way. I hate this thing, it will have served it's purpose--out it goes. It is tipping sideways, uncomfortable at times, and getting a little harder to access. IF I ever need one again (and I am going on the thought that I won't) then, they can put it back in. This one would probably be flipped around backwards by then. It also pinches my nerves at times. It needs to come out. Dr. B (cardiologist) said she got hers out right away. And understands where I am coming from. She felt how it is tipping too.

Still have a few surgeries in my future. I have to get these ovaries out. Of course, first I have to find a new ob/gyn. Then I do believe I am going to have the other Dr. S (plastic surgeon) fix my boobs. She did a great job at making them look natural. Problem is, that I don't want them to look natural. She had said if I decided to get them fixed she could probably just tighten up the pocket. I really want to do that. After all I had to go through, I want good boobs. Ones I don't have to wear a bra with. I feel like I have to now. The tanks with the built in bras, I don't think I will be happy with the way they look on this summer. I am going to wait until Fall though. I don't want to miss out on any swimming time this year. I also have to get this port out. I don't know if that is counted as a surgery though, as I have heard that it can be done in the office.
The fun never ends!

Oops, Forgot Something Again.

2008-03-11T14:46:00.002-05:00

While I was driving to Indy this past weekend, one of the best all time songs came on, "It's a Great Day to be Alive" by Travis Tritt. The words are at the end of this post. It is just a great belt it out loud song, that just happens to have great lyrics also. I had a feeling when I heard that on the way there that it would be a good weekend.

It's a Great Day to Be Alive

I got rice cooking in the microwave
Got a three day beard I don't plan to shave
And it's a goofy thing but I just gotta say
Hey, I'm doing alright
Yeah I think I'll make me some homemade soup
Feelin' pretty good and that's the truth It's neither drink nor drug induced
No, I'm just doin' alright

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

It's been fifteen years since I left home
Said good luck to every seed I'd sown
Give it my best and then I left it alone
Oh I hope they're doin' alright
Now I look in the mirror and what do I see?
A lone wolf there starin' back at me
Long in the tooth but harmless as can be
Lord, I guess he's doin' alright

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

Sometimes its lonely
Sometimes its only me and The shadows that fill this room
Sometimes I'm fallin', desperately callin'
Howlin' at the moon

Well I might go get me a new tatoo or
Take my old Harley for a three day cruise
Might even grow me a fu man chu

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

Training...

2008-03-11T10:02:00.002-05:00

This past weekend I made the trip to Indianapolis for Point of Contact Training for the YSC . This is training to learn how to take phone calls from ladies that contact the YSC. Haley had asked "why does it take two days to learn how to take a phone call". I have to admit I was wondering the same thing. But there is actually a lot to this learning to listen. How to word things, and making sure that you give just enough information about you that you connect with the caller, but not so much that you take over the phone call.
The training was run by a couple of wonderful ladies-Christine Benjamin and Pasha Hogan. I must admit, Christine intimidated me a little at first, although I quickly got over that. Pasha I was immediately comfortable with-she seems to share many thoughts/ ideas that I have.
Unfortunately there was a lot of role playing. This I don't like at all. I understand the idea behind it. It does help some I guess. However, it is completely different than a real call. For one thing, you aren't at home in a comfortable environment (which they did say also). For another, you have distractions and people listening to you. And lastly, even though I had just met these women Saturday-I still had a sense of them. Where when I make one of these calls, the other person will be a completely blank slate.
I went down Friday night. Earlier than originally intended. I was wanting to get there before it snowed too much. The ride down was great. Went by faster than expected. Of course the 70mph speed limit helped that! Then about 20 miles out (and 2 minutes after John had called) I hit the snow. It was snowing pretty hard and blowing. I had a hard time finding the hotel --they didn't have a big sign like I thought they would. I also was paying attention to all the drivers around me. When I finally got there I was so glad. And I have to say I was impressed. At the advice of the Indy ladies, I pricelined the hotel. I had never done this before. I didn't like the idea of not knowing which hotel it was, and you can't cancel once it is set. But, any hotel I checked into was $100 a night and you lost the first night if you cancelled, so I gave it a try. Per their advice, I put in three star-and the area, my price was $35 a night. It rejected that and said I had to go up at least $9 to try again. So I did. I got the room for $44 a night. $108 total-tax and everything. I was pretty happy about that. It would be staying at the DoubleTree. Then I get there and it is a two room suite (living room, bed room). Very nice room. I will definitely be using Priceline again.
There was another lady from the Chicago area going. Her name is Laura. Haley keeps calling her Laura from Auroura. We stayed separate Friday night, but shared a room on Saturday. We got along great, very comfortable with each other.
The Indy ladies hosting the training were great. Everything was wonderful. You know when you go to an area where they all know each other, you are worried if they will accept you or if you will feel like an outsider. No problem with this what so ever. I am hoping to keep in touch with these ladies and possibly go to a couple of their events.
Sunday I was starting to get a migraine. I took the new medicine the dr prescribed, and thankfully it worked. (Thankfully I remembered to put some in my purse too!) I wish I could do away with these migraines altogether.
Alex from the YSC was also there. She is the one who will be matching the caller with a volunteer. She is soooo sweet. She had a baby post bc and he was there with her-man is he a cutie!! The biggest eyes!!
This weekend--no travel plans. The girls and I are going to a few high school musicals. Braidwood and Wilmington always do it on the same weekend. Braidwood is doing "Once Upon a Mattress" and Wilmington "Jekyll and Hyde". No travel plans though. It was a nice break, but I like to be home.

Flavor Flav, Lions and Sleepy Time..

2008-03-08T09:47:00.002-06:00

I forgot to mention a couple of things about Vegas. In 15 years of going there, we have never seen anyone famous. The lady next to me on the flight out had even asked me that. Well, I guess we can't say that anymore. While waiting for our car at the Planet Hollywood Resort, there were some ladies all excited and getting their picture taken with someone. I looked down the counter and mentioned to John that that must be someone famous. He looked down and said "yeah, it's Flavor Flav". I looked again, and sure enough he had the big clock hanging around his neck. John mentioned something about how we should get our picture taken with him. But neither of us really wanted to bother someone while they are out being "normal". And honestly, I'm not a fan. If it had been someone I really liked, I may have had to bother them. Of course if Flavor didn't want to be recognized, he could always take that huge clock off his neck. So maybe he wants to be seen. He was driving himself (this surprised me for some reason). He had a Monte Carlo, I think John said it was a late 90's model-sparkly blue. Not just metallic, it was sparkly.
The other thing I forgot to mention was that the MGM now has a lion habitat inside. I found this on my way to the Tropicana on Sunday. It is pretty cool. They have glass tunnels for you to walk through the habitat, allowing you to get closer. I couldn't get a good pic-with flash, didn't work, and without I was getting my reflection back in the window. So I took some video. I can always snag a photo off of that.
Tuesday, our first day back, I had a Herceptin appt. I was already tired, and crashed while getting my infusion. Then came home and took a nap that afternoon. I am so tired of being tired. Two more to go, then hopefully my body adjusts back to normal.

Birthdays, Bon Jovi, and Bodies

2008-03-07T13:39:00.000-06:00

That is what has been keeping me busy lately.

Birthdays....The girls had a good birthday this year. It is so hard to believe that they are 11. It has definitely gone by fast. That Friday they had their kid party. They had invited 3 friends each to spend the night. In the end only 3 total could make it. They ate pizza, played Dance Dance Revolution, and checked out schoolmates MySpace pages (I have to admit a few of those scared me, these girls are only 11--and what some of them have on their MySpace is just wrong). They also played a game where one of them was blind folded and put make up on another one. I think everyone had fun. Jenny came down to help me keep my sanity. This year actually wasn't too bad. They kind of did their own thing. And once they all settled in to the living room for the night, I put a dvd in my laptop, plugged in the headphones and didn't hear them. It was kind of nice.

Of course we pretty much took the next day to recuperate. Then Sunday was the family party. John had just gotten off nights that morning and wasn't feeling well. But I think the girls enjoyed themselves. Now I get to take them shopping with their gift cards and such.

On Monday, the girls' actual birthday, was pretty low key. The girls had volleyball after school. Then they got their presents from us. (Which they had been trying to get out of us for the past few days.) No new cake--we still had 2 partial cakes from Sunday and a big cookie from Friday's party.

Bon Jovi--Tuesday night was the Bon Jovi concert. I have been a fan of his since the 80's. He is one of my all time favorites (and so damn hot!). John had gone to the dr earlier and found out he had an upper respiratory infection, so he decided not to go with me. Ann (H) had said awhile back that she wanted first dibs on the ticket if he couldn't go for some reason. So Ann and I it was. We made great time getting up there. I didn't know for sure where the seats were until we got there, as I had gotten them through the fan club. We find the FC table and get our tickets..row 19 sect 3. Not as close as I would have liked, but still good seats. Once we sat down though, I realized they weren't bad seats at all!! They were actually quite good. And we were right by the side stage he would be coming out on later! Chris Daughtry opened for him. I got good pictures during this, and the first half of Bon Jovi. Then... I dropped my camera!! It wouldn't work after that. DAMN!!! This was before he hopped on the side stage!! Oh, well, it did let me concentrate on the concert and not on taking pics. I have found someone online (you tube) that took video that had to be sitting right where we were. They have agreed to burn me a copy of the videos they have when they get a chance (yeah!!). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SPVdJ3BELY This is a link to one of the videos. We were that close!! It was sooo awesome! He first popped up on that stage (even though I KNEW he was going to), My heart started racing! He picked a girl that was right behind him to come up with him. He danced with her, whispered in her ear, gave her a kiss, and smacked her ass. I think I would have fainted! It was an awesome concert. The energy in the place was unreal. And the band played songs not usually on the set list. Songs that not everyone would know. This was nice. Jon and Chris Daughtry sang "Blaze of Glory" together and it ROCKED! Bon Jovi played for almost 3 hours, and he never stopped moving! There was a Tribune review after the Saturday night show that said they were getting old and lethargic--He definitely proved them wrong! This was Ann's first Bon Jovi concert, and I think she is looking forward to the next one. Me, I wish I had been one of those people I had made fun of that went to all three Chicago shows.

Bodies--this was part of our Vegas trip......that review follows.....

Tonight I have to head off to Indianapolis. I am going for YSC Point of Contact training. This is the closest they will be. And though I want to do it, the timing stinks, I really don't want to go again this weekend. At least the girls will have their dad here.

Our Vegas Trip

2008-03-07T12:26:00.003-06:00

Started off kind off bad, but we ended up having a great time.

Thursday--Lori and Jimmy came to pick us up. Our fight is at 9:55 pm. We got through security and everything really fast. We ended up with almost 2 hours before our flight took off. We went to a Chili's in the airport, our waitress was terrible. She seemed to get everything wrong, and gave us a little bit of attitude when she did. And I swear whatever drink you ordered she said "Bud Lite". Of course when a Bud Lite was ordered, she might bring a regular Bud.
We get on the plane, I am in the middle seat, John is on the aisle. The lady next to me is very nice-this is her first trip to Vegas-but she is bigger. She was part way on my seat. I could not really move for the whole flight. Normally you need to at least do the butt cheek shuffle to stay somewhat comfortable. I couldn't even do that. It was THE longest flight EVER!
We land, (finally) and go to get our luggage. This is almost midnight Vegas time. Our bigger bag is trashed! It is ripped at the seams. So off to the AA office we go. They were very nice, and it was handled quickly. Luckily nothing was missing, they gave us a new hard top suitcase (most definitely worth more than the one we lost). They have baggage in the back that they ordered just for when this happens.
Next we need to get our rental car. We had reserved a Luxury (John wanted a Cadillac), they asked if we wanted a deluxe luxury, -no thanks. Then the total came up to way more than I had been quoted. When I questioned this and gave her the total I was told, she disappeared for awhile. When she finally came back she said the difference was because it was after midnight. Well, number 1 I told them when I reserved it, we would be there after midnight. Number 2-us getting there any later than intended was not our fault. So they give us our price. Finally. When we go out to pick up the car, there are no luxury left--we have to take the deluxe! So, she tried to get us to pay for the deluxe, when we didn't need to.
Then we go to the hotel, Treasure Island, and check in with no problem--thank goodness. Lori, Jimmy, Ann and Jim had taken a limo back to the hotel. They got there in about 20 minutes. We got there around 2 am Vegas time. John and I decided to walk around a bit --so we went to check out the new Palazzo across the street. Either we missed something, or there isn't alot there. I wasn't real impressed. Then it was time for a few hours sleep.

Friday--Breakfast in the hotel--not the nicest waitress--we seem to be on a streak here. Afterwards we went to the tickets 4 tonight booth to see if we could get some tickets for a burlesque type show. This booth has tickets for 30-50 % off. We got seats to Crazy Girls at the Riviera. This show has been in Vegas for 20 years. But trust me, if you haven't seen it, don't waste your money. This was not a burlesque show, it was a striptease routine--with the girls already being nearly naked. Totally not what we were looking for. It was bad. Had I known going in that this is what it would be, it might not have been so bad. I like the old time Vegas shows---sexy is good. Slutty is not. Anyway, we walked around checking out hotels after getting the tickets. I had a voice mail to call John's mom-who had the girls. It seems that Haley was sick--throwing up all night. She kept her home from school. Haley called a few times throughout the day, wanting me, wanting to go home. I can't say that I blame her. I felt so bad. That evening, Ann, Jim, John and I went to dinner in the Steak house at the Riviera, that was good!!!! Then off to the show. After the show we went back to the Mirage to walk around. I was getting a little bummed because they seem to keep changing these hotels. We were looking for a lounge act to watch (even a lousy one can be fun to watch). But with all the clubs in the resorts now, they don't seem to have the lounge acts as much. So off for a couple more hours of sleep.

Saturday--Called home and Haley answered--sounding 110% better than the day before --thank goodness! John and I headed out to the outlet mall. They have a Vans outlet there that John likes to check out. We got a few things there, then headed over to the Skechers store. I got the shoes I was looking for and a pair of sandals for the price I would have paid for just the first pair here.
Next we went up to the mountains. From the strip to the Mt. Charleston Lodge was a 28 degree difference. We had a couple of drinks up there, I bought Christmas ornaments from the Christmas store and we were off. It was way more crowded going up the mountain than it ever used to be. I was wondering why we were there, I can see cold and snow at home! On the way down we stopped at the Mt. Charleston Hotel for a drink.
Next we went to the Planet Hollywood hotel. This used to be the Aladdin. I didn't think I would like it, as I liked the Aladdin so much. But it was pretty awesome. I wouldn't mind staying there sometime. We walked around the mall area. There is a gallery there that John likes, Michael Godard--he is pretty cool. He has a Breast Cancer picture that we were looking at. Afterwards we headed to Freemont Street. Always fun and cool. There are usually street performers. This being Nascar weekend though, it was packed!! Insanely packed. We watched the BMX guys, then the motorcycle stunts. Blake Shelton was giving a free concert on the street. When we left, my feet were killing me. I made the mistake of wearing my new shoes. Comfy at first--but not broke in yet.

Sunday-Race Day-John and the gang left at around 8 am. My original idea for the day was to go to the spa for a massage. I decided there was too much I wanted to do though, so I passed on the massage. I went to the lobby to see everyone off. Then back up to the room. I called home, and hooked up to the internet so I could email the girls some pics. I had to wait until the Tickets for less booth opened. I went over to the Mirage again to look around. It didn't bother me that it had changed this time. I was taking lots of pics to show the girls. (John had gotten my camera working again--and so far so good.) I went to the Cirque Du Soleil Love store. This is the store for their show using Beatles music. They had some neat stuff in the store. I bought the cd--which is what I went there for. Back to the hotel to drop it off....then on to get my tickets. I wanted to see the Titanic exhibit and the Bodies exhibit at the Tropicana. I wanted to see the wax museum at the Venetian also, but didn't know if I would have time. I'm glad I didn't get those tickets, I would not have had time. It took me two hours to go through the Titanic exhibit. I wish I could have taken pictures, it was pretty awesome. They had a few sets where you felt like you were on the ship too, really cool. I was thinking of Ann (R) and how much she would probably enjoy this also. I then headed over to the Bodies exhibit. This one I had mixed emotions on. These are real bodies they have preserved. If I thought of that, it was gross. But being able to see the organs and such was interesting. I did not read every single card in here as I did in the Titanic, I really didn't feel I needed to know all that stuff. They did have fetuses in there and it is amazing to see just how formed they are at such an early stage. By 8 weeks the bones are forming and they have facial features. The other interesting thing was how they showed blood veins/vessels. I didn't realize we had quite so many. The process they use is amazing. All you see is the blood vessels. They take away the skin, muscle and fat. You see blood shaped like a hand. A lot of it was fuzzy looking. I should have bought the book just to show the girls. I spent an hour in there. Next I went over to the Luxor to look at the Criss Angel store. The production office there said that taping for the season was done, I was sorry to see that. I would have liked to have seen him perform live, and get pictures for the girls. As I was walking back to the hotel (still taking pics for the girls) I bought a CSI sweatshirt. It was only $10, I couldn't pass it up. Then it was back to the hotel to relax before they got back from the race. I transferred the new Beatles cd to my mp3 player to listen to on the plane ride home. I also called the girls to see how they were doing. Jenna and I were looking at the Criss Angel merchandise online. Once John got back we headed down to the Luxor to get the girls some magnets and then to dinner. After--John was tired so we headed back to the hotel. I was tempted to stay downstairs, it was our last night there after all. I decided to go up. I figured if I couldn't sleep I would come back down. Of course I never did.

Monday--Last day--really our time is up. Our flight is at 11:20 am which means we need to be there by 9:30. The Vegas airport is always terrible for getting through security. And we have to drop off the rental car and catch the shuttle. So breakfast downstairs and back up to finish packing. As we are heading to the airport, we have to put gas in the car. We pulled over and spent probably 10 minutes trying to figure out how to open the gas cover. Pretty funny actually. Everyone else took a cab to the airport, we ended up getting there about the same time as them. The flight back was uneventful. One nice thing, on our side of the plane, there were only two seats, so John took the aisle and I got the window. It was much more comfortable this time. We landed on time, and were home by 7:30. We let the girls stay up a little later. We hadn't seen them all weekend, I didn't want to rush them off to bed the moment we got home. I actually was kind of wound up that night and couldn't sleep.

We had a good time. Weather wise--it was warmer than here, but far from swimming weather. Friday and Saturday were real nice, Sunday was cooler, and that wind really kicked up (unusual for Vegas). Monday morning it was actually a little warmer at home than there. Of course by the time we got home, it was 28 here and the high there for the day was 63. Hopefully those temps aren't too far off for us either.

Stella Awards...

2008-02-14T19:15:00.003-06:00

Ok. This is one of those emails that go round and round. I had not seen it before and got quite a tickle out of it. I hope you enjoy it too.....These people can't be real....can they???

It's time again for the annual "Stella’s Awards"!

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratchier handy.

Here are the Stella's for the past year:

7TH PLACE:

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

6TH PLACE:

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Go ahead, grab your head scratchier.

5TH PLACE:

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse,
he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count them, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pa y Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.

Keep scratching. There are more...

4TH PLACE:

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Grrrrr ... Scratch, scratch.

3RD PLACE:'

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds ea r lier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two more Stella’s to go...

2ND PLACE:

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

1ST PLACE : (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid????

It's Baaaackk....

2008-02-11T12:31:00.000-06:00

Ok, Warning!!!! This post is WAY too much information for some folks. Honestly, I don't care if anyone reads it. It is here for me, and for anyone going through/having gone through this crap. Of course I do know that since I stated that, some of you won't be able to help yourselves and will have to read on. Don't say I didn't warn you though.

I kind of knew it was coming. The signs have been there for the last few months. Pimples--that was the first sign. Night sweats (eeewww!!!), could have been a form of hot flashes. Then the mood swing. My mood swing involves me getting a big "why me" or "poor me" complex. And a feeling of not being appreciated. Then Friday, a whopper of a migraine. (Now by itself, this wouldn't have meant anything. But I do have to say, I don't think I have had real bad one in quite awhile.) Sunday morning a back ache, later- slightly crampy. I knew it was coming. Even a few months ago, when I just had one symptom (pimples). Luckily I listened to my body and decided to put a pad on, even though I haven't needed one in 11 months. Sure enough--my period, monthly friend, Aunt Flo, whatever you want to call it, decided it was time to start showing up again. And with a vengeance!! I think my body is making up for those 11 months all at once. Very heavy and very uncomfortable. Mixed feelings on this whole thing. Glad my body isn't getting old before it's time. Glad to be done with the hot flashes- for now. Glad to lose the other menopause issues-for now. Can't say I missed my period though. I mean honestly, who would miss that?? I do still need to get my ovaries out though, which will put me right back in the same position I was before. I guess the bright side is that I get a break from all the crap for a few months. And if the drs see no hurry, maybe I'll wait til fall on the ovaries-so no hot flashes during the summer.

So chemo didn't totally crash my female body parts. Not a huge deal, again could do without the period, but still kind of nice to know that my body bounced back from that.

Snow Days and Superbowl

2008-02-04T15:35:00.000-06:00

I have about had it with winter. I know, I live in the wrong area then. All this cold, snow, and dreary weather just gets to me! YUK! And last week the two storms that hit - did so on nights that Haley had gymnastics. We go to gymnastics, it's fine. Then on the way home, bad driving conditions. And of course it is supposed to do it again tomorrow! I'm not sure how much snow we are supposed to get though. School was cancelled this past Friday. I admit it was a nice little break.

Saturday we went out to eat at a newer restaurant in New Lenox -Gatto's. It was really good! I wasn't sure what I should get. Too many choices. It bills itself as the "best Italian comfort food in the south suburbs". Huge portions. Very friendly.

Yesterday we watched the Superbowl at home with our neighbors. Of course once it was over, the girls couldn't fall asleep. I know Jenna was still up at midnight. Not sure about Haley.

Thursday I had an appt with Dr. S also. Went okay. Not really alot can be done for the nips being just a tad too high. I think I can live with it though. I will have to choose a lighter color for the tattooing so it won't show through shirts. Yes, you get to pick the color. She pulled out something very similar to a paint chip chart and showed us what most people go with and the various choices. No kidding. I had heard about this, but didn't quite believe it. Her office also asked if she could use my pictures in a presentation she is giving to medical personnel. I don't care! Why would I?? My name is not on them and my face is not showing. I plan on telling her she can use my pics for future patients that want to see her work.

The girls first day of intramural volleyball is today. I have to pick them up at 5. They were of course so worried about how bad they were going to be! I wish they would get over that.

HaHa!!!

2008-01-28T21:45:00.000-06:00

These were part of a discussion on stay at home moms on the bulletin boards tonight. The first I had seen before, the second one of the ladies made up......

Housekeeping Monthly 13 May 1955

The good wife's guide·

*Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
*Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
*Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
* Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
* Be happy to see him.
* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
* Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
* Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
* Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
* Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
* A good wife always knows her place.

Ok, now for the new version!!

Young Women on Chemo Guide, 28 January, 2008

The good wife's guide

* Have dinner ready. Order Pizza from local pizza place and have them deliver. I've had a rough day of puking and crapping myself and I can't be bothered to feed anyone right now when I can't even stand the smell of food. If they don't like it there's always peanut butter and jelly!
* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to clean the puke off the bathroom floor, wash the underwear you pee'd in from puking so hard. All three pairs. Brush what's left of your hair. Put some powder and lipstick on to try and put some color to your face, instead of the pasty white shell it has become.
* Try to refrain from telling him you felt like death today, that you tried to put on make up and ended up poking yourself in the eye with the mascara brush cause your eyes are so puffy and sensitive, or that yet more hair fell out in the shower. We don't want to bother him with our sob stories.
* Clear away the clutter. Put all of your pill bottles back into the bathroom cabinet. Rinse out your puke bowl. Clean up all the saltine crackers that have crumbled in the bed or on the couch, that you ate trying to calm your stomach which was about to hurl for the umpteenth time.
* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables. Tell the kids to wait at least an hour before they ask dad to help them with their math homework, as you couldn't because the chemo brain's left you to where you can't even focus through 5th grade math any longer.
* Over the cooler months of the year crank up the heater until everyone else has sweat pouring off of them. With no little to no hair, much of your body heat is escaping rapidly and you spend many days chilled to the bone. If he doesn't like it tell him where he can shove the nearest umbrella.
* Prepare the children. Tell the kids to go wash their hands and faces. Tell them to pick up their crap for the 5th time, to get off the computer or video game and to actually do some work around the house. Yell at them that they don't know what hard is and that they have it easy.
* Flip him off if he says one snide remark to you.
* Flip him off again and mumble curse words if he says sorry, but he's just had a bad day.
* Listen to him. If he's speaking softly it may be just the boring dull conversation you need to hear "blah blah blah" about his long day, stupid job, dumb people at work that just might lull you into a long needed nap.
* Make the evening his. That's right. Anything left that you didn't get to ie. dishes, cleaning, kids, litterbox, trash, etc...he can deal with it...I'm going to bed.
* Your goal: Try to make it through the next day without puking, crapping or peeing yourself, and ringing his neck.
* Don't greet him with complaints and problems. He'll see it all on his own soon enough.
* Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Just throw his crap out on the lawn. I'm sure he will try to tell you he's had a bad day. Throw a sheet and pillow out there for him too then, poor freaking baby.
* Make him comfortable. Let him have the bed if he's good. There's no getting comfortable laying down anyway after chemo so you'll be on the couch, dozing in and out of consciousness, between the puking and putting suppositories up your butt for the nauseousness, yet once again while he slumbers away without a care in the world in his big comfy bed. Idiot.
* Arrange his pillow that you drooled on when you were able to drift off for 15 minutes during the afternoon on the bed by turning it over. He'll never know.
* Don't ask him questions about anything. Not unless you want a long explanation of something that you won't even remember you asked and have to hear him ramble on and on about it.
* A good wife always knows when to tell her imbecile husband to sthu.

Translation of sthu=shut the hell up.
Too funny.

WoooHooo...

2008-01-24T15:34:00.000-06:00

Ok, maybe it is just a little too early to celebrate. But I only have 4 more Herceptin infusions to go. April 15th is the last one!! Then I see about getting this damn port out. I have to admit I am a little apprehensive about this, as it means we are done with all treatment, we have done all we can do. Will it be enough?? Or somewhere down the road do I have to do this all over again?? I choose to believe it will be enough. I have to hold onto that. It will be really weird not having all the dr appts though. I know they will monitor me closely-that helps.

As for the friends I asked for the thoughts and prayers for the other day.....Courtney does not have cancer in her spinal fluid! Yeah. They don't have the final path report yet, but her dr is fairly certain. She does have bone mets though, that was found out before this latest scare. And Danica does have leukemia, but it is a new primary-this isn't the kind you get from chemo. She is now in the hospital in New York, her family taking care of her 3 kids, while she has chemo everyday for at least the next 21 days.

As for these nips--still not sure. I will have to ask her next week how much I can expect them to go down. Hopefully alot. Alot!! I do think one is just a tad higher than the other. They are shaped slightly different, so maybe that lends to that effect.

Saturday...

2008-01-21T15:19:00.000-06:00

This past Saturday was the one year mark from my mastectomy. What a completely sucky day that was. I remember it like it was yesterday. I don't wish that on anyone. I have had a bit of a time not focusing on that. Kind of hard when I am still healing from a procedure to get my breasts back!

Kind of wondering why I got the nips done. I have to wear a bra now as it looks like I am cold all of the time! LOL. I am told they will shrink up considerably. This from other women that have had it done. I forgot to ask the dr how much they will shrink. They are not perfect-one seems skinnier than the other. Again-may not be a big deal when they shrink up. John thinks they are too high, I keep trying to explain that that is where perky nips are supposed to be. Curious to see how all of this turns out. I did ask her about possibly pulling them in closer (the foobs--not the nips). She said that can be done. She said to think about it as they look natural now. I explained that I don't really care if they look fake. Kind of wanted them to. I will think about it though--I mean-do I want another surgery? I figure I will go through the summer and see how I feel about them, then decide. I want them to look good in a tank top-without a bra. She did tell me I heal fast and that I make her job too easy. Hey, anything I can do to help! I was having a reaction to some of the tape she used. It was clear-a big patch, I was getting blisters and it was itching. I called her Wednesday about it (day before my appt) and she told me to take it off. Some skin came with it. She said the next day it looked like a type of burn, not an allergic reaction. She put the tape on while I was lying down, being up-the weight of the foobs was pulling on it, causing the burn.

Friday I met Trish for lunch. She has the same onc as me. We have emailed back and forth for awhile and finally managed to meet on Friday. I think we could have talked all day if we both didn't have other obligations. She is a lot like me, on several issues. She is funny and an extremely strong lady.

I have some online friends that need your thoughts and prayers right now. Danica really has no family supporting her. She has just found out that she has chemo induced leukemia. Doesn't that just beat all. She beats this f'ing disease-but the chemo she used to do so has caused her to have leukemia. She is understandably having a tough time with this. But she is a fighter and has 3 kids I know she will fight to stay around for. My friend Jen (one of our Chicago ladies, and a fellow Bon Jovi fan) found out in December that she has mets to the liver,lung, spleen and ovary. She is past the initial shock and is in fight mode now. And Courtney (another Chicago gal) is a mere 22. Originally dx'd at the age of 20, she has mets to her bones and they are checking her spinal fluid for possible cancer, as well she may have brain mets. This just completely sucks beyond words. In the picture from our lunch in Greek Town, Jen and Courtney are in the back row, both with blue on. Jen on the right side, Courtney the second in on the left.

All Done

2008-01-14T21:07:00.000-06:00

With that step anyway. Of course it wasn't as bad as I had set in my mind.
She did give me a Valium and I listened to my mp3 player. I think we got home around 2:30. I am feeling kind of crappy all the sudden, so after my tea, I am off to bed.

Goodnight!

Today..

2008-01-14T08:01:00.000-06:00

is the day. I feel like the kids when they get ready for school--"I don't want to go". I didn't sleep as good as I had hoped. The sleeping pill didn't knock me out. Oh well, maybe I can fall asleep on the table.

Tomorrow..

2008-01-13T21:16:00.000-06:00

I should be looking forward to this, but I am soo not. I don't want to go. I have to have my body mutilated yet again-to get it back to "normal". Again, there is just something wrong with this.

I drank some chamomile tea, took a hot bath, and once I get done with this, I am going to take a sleeping pill, then read til it knocks me out. I thought about staying up all night so I would fall asleep tomorrow, but I am afraid that if I am tired it will make the freak out factor worse. Actually, I know it will. So I will get a good night sleep and go from there.

We had our Elvis's b-day party at Hon's last night. It was fun. Lots of food that isn't good for you, but I guess if you do that once in awhile it isn't so bad.

Off to sleepy land I go (I hope!).

Monday..Monday..

2008-01-11T20:40:00.000-06:00

Well Monday is the day. I will again have nipples. Granted flesh colored ones, for now. Gross looking ones until they heal, I have already been warned about that. Again, insane that I should even have to worry about this, but there it is. I have to be there at 10 am, procedure at 11. This is just a local, so no fasting or anything. It is scheduled to take about an hour and a half. I was actually told I could drive myself. John is going to go with though. I did ask if I can take my Ativan that morning so I wouldn't be freaking out. The doctor said no, that she would make sure I felt comfortable. Easy for her to say. I am honestly not sure how I am going to be able to lay there for an hour and a half, knowing what they are doing to me. There will be a sheet so I can't see, but I will be able to feel some tugging etc. I know when I had the girls I felt the tugging and pulling. I am sure this will be the same-except that didn't take as long. The surgery center did say that I could bring my MP3 player, that may help keep my mind off of things, maybe. I plan on bringing that Ativan with me, just in case. If she doesn't give me some happy juice and I'm starting to freak out-I will just take some.

Sick of it...

2008-01-10T12:37:00.000-06:00

I am in a bit of a funk. It has been around for awhile. I keep trying to fight it, but apparently it isn't going away. Maybe since the girls are back at school and John at work, I should let these feelings take over for a bit (and just a bit) and deal with them. I don't want to. I don't want to think about all that has happened in the last year. I don't want to think about what my body and mind have been put through in the last year. Dealing with the diagnosis, surgeries, set backs (ie not being able to do immediate reconstruction), chemo, hair loss, stomach issues, not feeling like myself, numbness, dealing with the new me, trouble sleeping, fatigue, chemopause, doctor appointments, memory not working like it should, the list goes on. I refuse to let this damn cancer rule the rest of my life. I refuse to wait around thinking it will come back. I chose to believe it will not come back. If it does, I will deal with that then. This has been fairly easy to do most of the time. But lately I have been hearing of more and more ladies with recurrence. Seems to be quite few lately. I know there are treatments and people live a long time with mets. I can't imagine having to go through chemo again (or 3rd or 4th time). Losing hair again. Having that pit in the bottom of my stomach again. All those doctor appointments. Again, I chose to believe that I won't have to deal with this anymore. I am still dealing with the aftereffects of this time. I find myself thinking of this crap at the weirdest times. I was feeding the cats, and thinking about having lost my breasts. Tell me that makes sense. I am pissed that this had to happen. I'm not saying it shouldn't have happened to me, I'm not any better than anyone else. But why does it happen to anyone? I'm not expecting an answer to that question by the way. Monday I have to go have a procedure to get my nipples. Freaking out about this too. I have to lay there awake while the skin on my chest gets cut (again) and twisted into my new nipple. Who would have ever thought that I would be worried about getting new nipples? That is just not a normal thing to worry about. My first tattoo is going to be when I get my aureoles tattooed on. Unless I run out and get one before that gets done. This all just too weird, and so wrong.

I apologize for this rant. I don't blame you if you skipped this post. Not sure if it even made sense. This post is for me and anyone else going through this crap that may happen onto this blog, so they know they are not alone.

Here's to the end of 2007

2008-01-02T19:12:00.000-06:00

Can't say that I am that sad to see it go. It wasn't all bad, not by a long shot, but way too much I would rather forget. This year I work on getting me back. Or the new version of me at least. I have two resolutions this year;

1--be healthier. This embodies so much. Eating better, exercising, taking care of me, etc., but I have rolled it all into one.

2--Stay in touch (and reestablish contact) with everyone better. I am going to try to answer those emails quicker (you know how it goes-you save it to answer later and it gets lost in the shuffle, never answered), call friends I haven't talked to in awhile. Spend time with friends.

New Year's Eve, the girls slept over at a friends house, which left John and I free. We went to Merichka's with his family (YUM!!), then over to (SIL) Ann's. We weren't planning on staying until midnight b/c we didn't want to be on the road with the idiots. We ended up not leaving her house until 11:50 (why we didn't just stay the other 10 minutes--I don't know). It took us an hour to get home. It was snowing and blowing. We didn't see another car until we were almost home, and didn't see any police cars. I am thinking someone would have to have been blatantly drunk before they would get pulled over anyway. I mean who would want to be out in that even to write a ticket!

Sunday (the 30th) I went up to Greek Town to meet with some of the ladies from the YSC Bulletin Board. We had a real nice time. We need to do that more often. Once a month would be good. There were 8 of us there. This isn't the best pic--we had three people taking pictures for us-that is why we are all looking all over.

Today was a Herceptin day. In talking with some of the other gals, I'm not totally sure anymore that it is the Benadryl making me tired. I don't think it helps, but some get tired from the Herceptin and don't take the benadryl beforehand. On days I have treatments, I don't really plan anything. That way I can relax, nap if need be. Well of course today the girls were still on Christmas vacation. So when I gave myself that hour to fall asleep, they had to wake me up. And the real kicker is, they didn't seem to notice I was around until I dozed off. Haley had to ask where a certain nail polish was, then a few minutes later show me her nails. Jenna woke me up to tell me something, then wouldn't tell me. And this is with John on the computer in the same room. That was all in a half hour, so I gave up. They did let me take a bath in peace when I first got home. That was nice.

Here's to a great 2008!

2007-12-31T15:20:00.000-06:00

This Says it All...

2007-12-29T21:39:00.000-06:00

Major Catch Up

2007-12-28T16:20:00.000-06:00

Okay--I KNOW I have some major catching up to do. I will do this backwards, hoping that I remember everything. If not, I will add it in a later post.

Today--Very relaxed. The girls had Alyvia spend the night last night and we are all just taking it easy. Me in front of the computer, them in front of the TV. (John--over in the neighbors garage.)

Yesterday--clean up after Christmas. You know, put stuff away, do something with all those boxes, vacuum. Jenna cleaned up her room with out being told. That makes about 3 times this week. I keep asking if she is feeling ok.

Wednesday the 26th-went to John's Mom's to pick up the girls--Aunt Jenny had asked them to stay over. And we had to pick up John's truck mat, it wouldn't fit in the car. He also set up his new Sirius radio in the morning (needed a new one after the accident). We also had to bring up one of the presents for Ceci we had forgotten.

Christmas Day--We had a great Christmas and Christmas Eve. The girls seem to enjoy eveything they got, even the clothes. Although there are a few things I am curious to see if Jenna wears. The nintendo ds and video camera are the big hits. More so the ds right now I think. I can't believe they haven't picked it up yet today. John seemed to like what we got him. He actually had a list this year. He and the girls gave me a Dell Laptop. (which I am using right now). It is awesome. I am still figuring things out on it. I got it hooked up to the internet right away, I need to network it with the main computer so I can print and such. After we opened our presents and had breakfast-we headed up to John's Mom's for dinner. Since the girls stayed the night there, we came home and watched a movie--and I played on my new toy!!

Christmas Eve--My mom and Dad, sister, niece and nephew came over. Luckily the weather held out! The road to get here can get quite slick. It was a nice evening.

Dec. 23--John and the girls went up to his mom's while I stayed home. I got a little chill time this way. I also got to got a jump on stuff for Christmas, so I wouldn't feel so crazy getting things done the next day.

Dec.22--Haley had her gymnastics party today. Afterwards we took the girls to shop for each other. They actually got done with that fairly quickly. Then we went to Charley Horse to eat. I do like that place. I had an excellent prime rib sandwich. John had a huge burrito. We had take home containers...that of course we left there. We seem to do that alot. We stopped by Ann and Jim's after that. Sean was sleeping, Ethan was up though. And Jim had gotten this HUGE stuffed Homer from a client--and wanted to get rid of it--so it came home with the girls. Now whoever doesn't have Scrappy in their room has Homer.

Dec.21--Haley's school Christmas party. Jenna's class didn't have one. They got out of school early and are off until Jan. 3. We had a relaxing evening. We watched the Simpson's movie--it was better than I though it would be. Also watched Hot Rod. That was pretty funny.

Dec. 20---Ann (neighbor) and I went stocking stuffer shopping. It was nice, neither of us had to run around crazy. We got our nails done (which I needed, I had a bunch break off), and later had lunch at Chili's. Yum.

Dec. 19--Cookie day. Ann (SIL) and I had our annual day of making cookies. We have become quite efficient at it.

Dec. 18--I ran out and finished up a few things shopping wise.

Dec. 17--Had to take the dog to the vet. He has been itching alot and has to get medicine weekly. The vet usually only charges us for the medicine, not the office visit, but didn't charge us anything this time. Take him back on the 24th. I also had a board meeting this night. Luckily it was a short one. We also got most of the wrapping done today too. What John and I didn't get done during the day, he and the girls finished up while I was at my meeting.

Dec. 15--The girls stayed at Grandma's. They were helping Aunt Jenny babysit Ceci. My plan was to stay home and watch movies and wrap presents--as none of them were wrapped at this point. Well....John wanted to go check out the new mall in Bolingbrook, so we did. After we ate a Hayden's crossing, then hit the Rustic and Tuffy's for drinks. Needless to say-no wrapping got done that night. It also snowed like a fiend, and you all know how I feel about winter!

Dec. 14th--Appointment with the Cardiologist and an Ultra sound. US came back ok. Dr. said that I gained 13 pounds since my last appt with her. Yikes! She was telling me about how walking at a 3 mph pace 4 hours a week can lower my risk of recurrence by 50%. That is huge. I am going to start walking the track at the fieldhouse. At least until it gets warmer out--then maybe I will just walk the neighborhood. That night we had Matt, Melissa, Steve, Kris and kids over. The kids all make an ornament and have an exchange. It is always interesting to see what they come up with.

Dec. 12--Cindy and I went out. We are going to try and do this every other week--with the exception of Christmas vacation. This is something we should have started a long time ago.

Dec. 11--Herceptin

Dec. 8--Hannah Montana!! I was really impressed with this concert. It was pretty good! I wasn't sure what to expect. I thought it might be too Disney, too cutesy. but it was an actual concert. Our seats were good. To the side of the stage, so you saw alot of the side of her, or back, but fairly close. I missed all of the Hannah Montana part waiting in the merchandise line. We got in line in between the Jonas Bros. and her. She was starting, so I told the girls to go watch and I would stay in line. Well, that was the only bad thing--the merchandise area moved SLOW! No organization at all. Someone had come up and said the line downstairs was shorter, so I decided to go down there. Still slow. I had just said to the woman in front of me that I hope we get through the line before the concert is over. ( I hadn't thought to tell the girls to stay put if it ended and I wasn't back.) Next thing I know, I hear "mom". I look over and the girls are standing there with a police officer. They had looked for me upstairs--didn't even think to look downstairs. As it turns out I didn't need to worry--I ended up seeing the whole "Miley Cyrus" portion. They had a lounge set up downstairs for the parents to hang out in, or get ear plugs! I thought that was a great idea!

Before the concert there was a little "party" outside for fan club members. It was cold, but ended up being worth the wait--Haley won a Rock Tour guitar.

The girls really enjoyed themselves, and I actually did too. I will post the slide show of pics in a different post-as blogger keeps wanting to put it at the top of this one, and I don't want it there.

As you can see..life goes on. We are getting past all this cancer crap. Hopefully for good. There are still times it gets me down--but I tend to keep that to myself. Still hating the hair. Still seriously considering extensions. This god damn port has been bugging me again too.

Another one of my YSC friends has recently found out her cancer is back. I feel so terrible for her. I can't even imagine. I don't want to. She is one of the Chicago ladies. There are a group of us meeting for lunch this Sunday in Greektown--YUM!! I am hoping she can make it. Her daughter is just a year and a half younger than the girls, so we should get them together too.

If I forgot anything, I will add it in another post....

Hannah Montana Slide Show..

2007-12-28T16:08:00.000-06:00

2007-12-24T07:46:00.001-06:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I promise to get on soon an catch up!!! In the meantime...enjoy the holidays!!!!

2007-12-06T13:14:00.000-06:00

Well, we made it to Rockford and back. The roads absolutely sucked!! I was kind of crazy to even be out, but we got there. The car was covered in ice, the hood ornament looking like it was encased in crystal. The races were pretty good. The Rockford arena is small, not really a bad seat there. The ride home on Sunday was wonderful. What a difference a day makes!

Haley is home from school today. She came home with a headache last night, and woke up this morning with a fever. She seems better now. Talking up a storm.

I am taking the girls to the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus concert on Saturday. Yes I got tickets. And no, they weren't thousands or even hundreds of dollars. They had a post sale. The seats aren't the best, may even be somewhat behind the stage. I still think the girls will enjoy it. Should be interesting to say the least.

Part of this reconstruction process is getting nipples made (next procedure) and then areolas tattooed on. John wants "his guy" to do the tattoos. I want the dr to do it. I don't even care what they look like to be honest with you. I, at times, don't even want to get them. I mean seriously, no one is going to know if they are there or not except John, the girls and I. I am so over all this crap. I don't want any more "procedures". I am sick of all of it. I have a real attitude about this lately. I don't let it show of course, but at times when I think about all that I have been through this past year--I am pissed. And sad. No one should have to do this. Ever.

On a lighter note, I was going through old magazines and found one of the Stephen King articles in my Entertainment Weekly. He is talking about how things are just cool. You can't make them that way, they either are, or they aren't. There was a paragraph in there I thought was kind of funny:
"There's no rhyme or reason to the coolness thing. Look at politicians, the ultimate entertainers. Barack Obama is cool. Hillary Clinton, who will probably win the Democratic Party's nomination to run for president, is not. On the other side-well, it's hard to be Republican and be cool, it's almost an oxymoron, but John McCain is cool. And of course, Bob Dole. Very cool. Hence the Viagra ads."

Off to do more decorating!

2007-12-01T10:14:00.000-06:00

Some people just don't realize when they should not say something, or drop the conversation. Today is John's turn. He proceeded to tell me this morning that I should do something with my hair. Well DUH!! I only wish I had some to do something with. This bothers me immensely. I absolutely hate having short hair. Cindy did fix it different the last time she colored it. But I HATED it! Couldn't wait to wash it. Would rather wear a ball cap for the next 3 months than wear my hair like that. Even Haley, who thinks I should keep the hair short- hated it. And John is telling me that I need to spend more time on my hair. There isn't any there to spend time on. This is a sore spot with me. I asked him to drop it. Of course he didn't and proceeded to tell me that my hair looks like I just got out of bed. Men just don't have a clue sometimes.

Ought to be a real fun ride to Rockford today. I almost wish they would go and leave me here. That won't happen.

The Girls and the "Girls"

2007-11-30T10:44:00.000-06:00

First, the girls. I don't know what it is but they are kind of driving me crazy lately. They seem to be more stubborn than usual, and little chatter boxes! Hopefully this will pass soon. Not sure how much longer I can take it!!

As for the "girls" (aka-new boobs), I am getting used to them. I think I am happy with them. I kind of wish they were set closer together. She says they look natural, honestly I think I would have preferred if they didn't. I have to massage them for the next year. Three times each time, three times a day. This is to keep them soft and keep the scar tissue from hardening up. She did tell me that if I push them together now and then they may settle that way. So I am trying it. I would like to have cleavage without wearing a bra. And awesome cleavage when I am. I need to get a push up bra. Maybe if I wear that it will have the same effect as pushing them together. We are looking at doing the nipples after the holidays. So maybe by spring I will be complete! I guess for this surgery, you aren't out, just numbed. There will be a sheet up so that I can't see. It will take about 3 hours. That is a long time to lay there, especially knowing what they are doing! I will have to ask for some happy juice!

Needed to go to my general dr. yesterday--but he is out of town until the 6th. So I saw his dr assistant-Gretchen. She is a sweetheart!! I guess she has all the training of a dr, and can do everything a dr does, she just doesn't have the title and doesn't have to pay all the ins and such, the medical group does that. Anyway--I have a sinus infection. She also saw fluid behind my right ear, and said I would have had an ear infection too if I hadn't come in.

My girlfriend Cindy and I went out on Wednesday. We had a lot of fun...thinking of making this a bi weekly event.

We are taking the girls to Rockford for dirt bike races this weekend. Thinking we need to stay, since they are predicting snow changing to sleet. I want to get my Christmas stuff up this weekend too. Would like to do the tree (so would the girls, they keep asking me when we are going to do it), but John doesn't like it up this early. Maybe we can shoot for Wednesday as a compromise.

I have decided that I don't want to bother with the conference this year. As much as I would love to meet and hang out with the YSC ladies, and as informative as I think it will be, I just can't come home on the 24th and turn around and leave on the 28th. Especially with the girls' birthday in there. Just doesn't seem right. Not to mention I would probably be wore out by the time we went to Vegas. They will all be at races on Sunday (I am not a race fan), so I may get a massage during that time.

Well, I actually had something else I was going to tell you all, but with this damn chemo brain it has left!

2007-11-21T13:31:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving @ Bopmyspace.com

Tired...

2007-11-20T22:40:00.000-06:00

I haven't been posting for the simple reason that there really hasn't been anything to post about. Very uneventful around here. Which is actually a nice change of pace.

I seem to be tired a lot lately. Every once in awhile I am lucky and get a good nights sleep, and yet I still wake up tired. Last night I couldn't sleep at all, plus since I had the Herceptin today, I had to take a Benadryl, which makes me tired. YIKES! I did lay down for a couple of hours this afternoon. I had to.

Off to bed. I basically just wanted to pop on and let you know that I am fine!!

Yeah for a Clean House!!!

2007-11-13T09:50:00.000-06:00

I had someone come and clean the house today. Yes, you read that right. I am so happy with the way it turned out. She did such a wonderful job, and it is one less thing for me to worry about! I will not claim to be a great housekeeper, but it was starting to drive me nuts! I haven't been able to get in there and clean really good for awhile. Between surgeries and recovery, treatments, dr appts, running with the girls, and just plain not being up to par yet, cleaning has taken a back seat. Well, now I am happy. I know it won't stay this way long, but I will enjoy it while it does. And the fact that I get all afternoon to enjoy it before the girls come home and begin to destroy it, that is just icing on the cake! This will also help to keep me from doing things I shouldn't be doing. I vacuumed the other night b/c it was killing me, and man did that hurt. I was walking around with my left hand on my right boob while I did it.

Make sure you look at the next post too. It is a slide show of our Halloween pictures.

This past Thursday I had my yearly with Dr. Borders. Left there very sad. I have to find a new OB/GYN. He doesn't take our insurance (it switched last December). He flat out said that they don't pay enough. He has been in this business for 17 years--and doesn't need to work with insurance companies like that. He was the first dr I was ever comfortable with. I really had to keep myself busy the rest of the day so I wouldn't think about it, I was actually tearing up over it. Riverside has a couple of female ob's I will probably call one of them. I should do it soon though, as I am wanting to get these ovaries yanked.

Saturday the girls had their Speech competition. With John working nights he was able to go too, which was nice. Although I am sure he was really tired when he did get home. My mom went with too. I was so nervous for them. I definitely could not have done that at their age. Not too sure I could even do it now! They did AWESOME! I am so proud of them. They did a skit with 3 other girls. While the girls were waiting thier turn, they all looked so nervous, I was getting even more nervous for them. But once they got out there--WOW. I am amazed! I really wish I could have taped it. They got 2cnd place. Which I think is awesome for their first time out. They don't think it is so great of course. You could just tell the whole rest of that day that Jenna was so proud of herself. She was on cloud 9. Haley was proud of herself too I believe, but she didn't show it. Jenna is the one I was worried about. Haley is more outgoing, and has even said she would like to do commercials, or get into acting. Jenna needed this. I was shocked when she said she wanted to do it. And glad. I hope this helps her to not be as shy. Her teacher would have never believed that was her!

Yesterday I showed a home in the area to a couple that Michelle gave my number to. Thank you Michelle. They seemed to really see potential with the house, so we will see what happens.

I am in the process of writing the Christmas letter. I haven't done one for awhile, but feel like I should this year. I am trying not to make it too long.

I am debating going to the YSC conference in Feb. I haven't even talked to John about it yet, as I am not sure I want to go. I mean I want to, but don't really know if I should, or if I could with a clear conscience. It is in Jacksonville, Florida--Feb 22-24th. It would be nice to meet some of the ladies I chat with. It would be nice to hang out with people that know exactly where I am coming from. But, we are going to Vegas the following weekend, and the girls birthday is the 25th. I would be home for their birthday, but would have to have any parties on the 16th or 17th. Which I'm sure they wouldn't mind having their b-day early. I would be gone 2 weekends in a row. Don't know if I really can do that. Although John would be home on the weekend. The girls have that Friday off-So I would need someone to watch them then. If I did go, I think I would fly out Thursday and back in the afternoon on Sunday. But it is so darn far away. Not sure what to do. Never went that far by myself either. So that would be a bit strange. I guess I need to figure this out!

On the YSC bb lately, there has been talk about how frustrating it is that people just don't "get it". They are speaking of the fact that once treatment is done, they are treated as if they are "cured" and that they are "back to normal" or should be. I really hope that no one here ever "gets it". B/c that would mean you have been through this yourself. And I know a few of you already have. This isn't all done b/c treatment is over. Hopefully I will not recur. I am holding onto that and living as if it won't. If--and I do mean if--it does return I will deal with it then. But there will always be that little nagging voice at the back of my head. The plan is to stomp it out most of the time. I will always have the wonderful memories (and yes, I am being sarcastic) and scars from this last year. I am still going through some things emotionally, and don't know how long that will last. I don't feel "normal" yet, and don't know when I will. Maybe I never will. But I will find a new normal then. I am damn sick of surgeries, I can tell you that. I have heard it can take a year for your body to recover after surgery. What happens when you pile four of them into a year? It can also take a year or so to recover from chemo--so where on earth does that leave me?? Just ranting a bit here folks. I wish it was "over". It is slowing down. But, it isn't "over". Just an FYI--I mainly decided to post this for anyone that may be going through all of this crap to know that it is normal to not feel "done" just b/c treatment is.

My left side is still sore on and off. I am really, really trying to be good, but it is so damn hard. I am thinking of taping that arm to my side. It was really bothering me yesterday, but the funny thing is, I thought I was being good yesterday. It was even hurting while I was sleeping. Or should I say trying to sleep. Dr. Borders did recommend Black Cohosh for the hot flashes. I have only taken it for a few days, no relief yet. I guess I should call my onc's office and make sure it is ok to take.

Well, I am off to enjoy the peace and quiet before the girls get home.

Halloween 2007

2007-11-13T09:40:00.001-06:00

Oooowwwwie!!

2007-11-04T21:32:00.000-06:00

Ok, Ok. I may have done to much. Well actually I have been. But I'll tell you what, I feel so good most of the time, and there is so much to do that it is sooo hard not to do it! I have been going non-stop--so much for taking it easy! I also have been lifting more than I should. It is so much easier and quicker to just do it myself, than to ask someone else, or wait til someone else comes home! Ann came by to drop off the tables, cooler and crock pots after our Halloween party--and I felt like such an idiot standing there watching her unload the stuff!!

Thank goodness this is the last year the girls have a fun fair at school! I was absolutely exhausted afterwards. I had the lollipop tree-sounds easy-but my back was killing me, and I needed a nap when I was done! Didn't really enjoy Halloween like I normally would b/c I was so tired. Oh well, next year they won't have a fair--and Halloween is on a Friday--so that should be awesome! The girls had one of their little friends over to Trick or Treat with, and I was just not in the mood for the extra person around. All the giggling, and talking non stop, and sugar rushes--YIKES!

Thursday I took the girls to school and picked them up. They had parties in their classroom and could bring blankets and pillows, but obviously couldn't bring that stuff on the bus. I also ran up to Spirit Halloween to shop the 50% off sale (plus another 20% off with the email coupon I had). Didn't get a lot--but I figure I can slowly add to my display each year. We had the girls' conferences Thursday night. They are doing awesome of course. Jenna is super quiet. Her teachers can't believe she talks--and I can't believe she is that quiet!! Haley's teacher said she is mature for her age.

No school Friday-we didn't do a whole lot. Jenna went with a friend and her grandpa to run errands, and Haley and I just chilled. Friday night we went to the High School play. It was pretty good. There were a couple of the girls that were really good. One played an older lady that was hard of hearing, and the other a ditz (and she isn't blond). One of our favorite lines from the play "why is everyone staring at me as if I hiccuped in church".

Saturday we went coat shopping. Their last coat lasted them 2 years, so I can't complain. After that we stopped at Grandma and Grandpa W's since we wouldn't be able to go today. Today we had their cheerleading banquet. I think if they are in cheerleading next year we will skip the banquet. It is nice to be able to chat with some of the people, but we really don't need to be there. When they are reading off the kids names, there are way too many people talking to understand what is being said. It is the kids and adults.

Well, I DVR'd Desperate Housewives--I think I will go watch that then head off to bed.

2007-10-31T09:42:00.000-05:00

Halloween @ Bopmyspace.com

Are You Kidding Me????

2007-10-30T22:09:00.000-05:00

The new movie "The Golden Compass" is coming out soon. I think it looks pretty good, and I look forward to taking the girls to see it. Well, today I received the following email...

Friends,

You may already know about this, but I just learned about a kids movie coming out in December starring Nicole Kidman. It's called The Golden Compass, and while it will be a watered down version, it is based on a series of children's books about killing God (It is the anti-Narnia). Please follow this link, and then pass it on. From what I understand, the hope is to get alot of kids to see the movie - which won't seem too bad - and then get the parents to buy the books for their kids for Christmas. The quotes from the author sum it all up. I'm going to tell everyone about this movie. I hope it totally bombs because we were all paying attention!
Read the article on snopes below

Urban Legends Reference Pages: The Golden Compass

Go ahead and click on the link!! You won't believe it. I mean, come on, do these people seriously have nothing else to do?? It is a movie for Christ's sake!! It is make believe, imaginary!! Get a life!! I really don't care what the author's beliefs are as long as he (or she) is a good writer. Now if he was using the money from the sale of his books to abuse children or something--then I would boycott. But come on!! Not all of my "beliefs" fall within what most people consider normal. Nothing wrong with that. Just means we are all not clones or robots. Sheesh!! This has actually just piqued my interest in the books. I will have to read them now. And honestly, I must be a little slow on the uptake, but I didn't realize Narnia was about God, I mean if this movie is the "anti-Narnia". I saw the movie and read the book and didn't catch that! I hope this movie is a HUGE success just to piss these yahoos off!

On another note, had my ps appt. yesterday. John went with me. She took the stitches out. That hurt a little. Only really on the left side for some reason. Same as last time. She said everything looks good, and the good news is I can take a bath again!! YEAH!! We had a bit of a time finding her new office--not really that hard to find once you know where it is, but a little tricky beforehand. At least one of the rooms is set up as a surgery room also. I am curious as to what kind of surgery she can do there. I will have to ask her when I go back in a month. She said the tape is the best thing to keep on the incision to help keep the scarring down. Huh, never would have thought of that. I will try it though!

Today was my appt with my oncologist. He didn't really have a lot to say. I need to go get my yearly pap done. Couldn't do it when it was time b/c chemo does weird things to the test I guess. I also need to talk to him (my ob/gyn) about having my ovaries removed. History of ovarian cancer in the family and higher risk b/c of the breast cancer--and with it being so hard to detect, I would just as soon dodge that bullet. Also, I am already going through menopause now, I would like to get the ovaries yanked before my period comes back and I start back at square one with this menopause crap!

Herceptin today too. I was saying something to the nurse about I don't know how I would function if I had to take the Benadryl all the time, it makes me so tired. She said I would have to take it at night. I didn't even think to ask if I could take it the night before for this. I had errands to run today to get ready for our neighborhood bon fire after Trick or Treating and was out of it!! All day actually!

My YSC email newsletter had this cute bag from Urban Outfitters. It is $15, and all proceeds go to the YSC. Click here to see it.

I am off to bed. I need to sleep. I will have to post a pic of John and I dressed up for Halloween soon. Don't know if I'll get a chance tomorrow. More errands, Fun Fair at the girls' school, then of course Trick or Treating. But I will do it soon.

Not Too Bad...

2007-10-26T23:44:00.000-05:00

That was my day yesterday. I kept myself busy and didn't dwell on anything--thankfully. John and I took the dog to the vet yesterday morning--his skin is finally looking better. Then we came home and watched Alpha Dog. It was good. I don't always like the gang movies, but this was good. I also am not a fan of Justin Timberlake's music, but I like him. And he was good in this.

In the afternoon I went to Joliet to get my nails done. I wanted them done for Halloween. I had fake ones put on (which I am still getting used to). I think they look pretty cool.

Next I ran to Target. I picked up the Josh Groban Christmas CD. I know, I know, it is too early for Christmas music, but I was afraid by the time it was time for it, I wouldn't be able to find it. I did listen to it on the way home. I LOVE Josh Groban, and I LOVE Christmas music, so what a great combo! I also found jeans on clearance for the girls. They are needing jeans now that it is getting colder. I was hoping that growth spurt would hit before they needed them, but oh well. Hopefully it will hold off now until Christmas. Usually when I am lucky enough to find one pair of jeans in their size on the clearance rack--I either never can find another one, or they are ugly. I found 2 pairs!! Yeah!! And they actually like them.

Next I was off to Spirit Halloween to get my costume. Well, this was the only bit of bad luck I had. They didn't have the costume I wanted anymore. Not even any of the other ones I had thought about. Well, that is what I get for waiting so long to decide. Next time I will get one early.

My last stop was to Barnes and Noble to get some Starbucks. I decided to get one to bring home for the girls to split. On the way out, a young man held the door open for me saying "there you go miss". Then telling me "enjoy your day" after I thanked him. Not something you run into every day!

Not an overly exciting day, but a nice day. A day not spent dwelling on the significance of the date.

I did think of something else I have learned this year--that is to ask for help. This does not mean I am weak, it means I am human. And family and friends are more than willing to help out.

I should explain-I copied my entry yesterday from the bulletin board. That is why the reference to my "stats". My signature on there has all the information about diagnosis etc. Also, the reference to how "odd" it was that I was sitting in Target's parking lot...there was someone who came on the boards talking about how everyone on there needs to quit whining. She claims to have left her mastectomy and went to Target immediately after. So this is a reference used quite often on there.

I have put a link in the right column to the article. To make it a little easier to find.

Took the girls shopping for jeans today. Kohls was having an awesome sale! I also needed to look for not one, but two costumes now. John doesn't have to work tomorrow night, so he will be going with me to Matt and Melissa's. We won't match, but I think we are going to look good!

This has been a bad week for the bulletin board. We lost 2 ladies. One was only 35, an oncologist in Chicago. The other lady didn't post as much, I didn't really know her. We have also had 4 ladies have the beast come back. One lady is 24--this is the 3rd time dealing with this in 2 years.

But on the other hand.....one lady had her baby yesterday!!! Proof that there is life after breast cancer. This is her first baby---a girl. We are still waiting to hear the name!

Enjoy your weekend!

One Year Ago...

2007-10-25T07:55:00.000-05:00

I was dx'd.

In a way it is hard to believe it was only a year ago. On the other hand it seems almost like a lifetime ago. I kind of wish I hadn't remembered this until tonight. Now I am sure it will be on my mind all day.

Oct. 13--(Friday)--found lump

Oct 25--dx'd right side.

Nov 14--dx'd left side.

I know it is all there in my stats, I just wanted to write it again for some reason. One year ago, I was trying to occupy my mind, I was out shopping for costumes for the girls. I was in Target's (how odd is that!)parking lot when I got the call from the nurse saying that the dr wanted to see me asap. I fell apart. I don't know how I drove to the dr office--it was 45 minutes away. John offered to come home early to go with me. I told him no. Afterwards I called him back to give him the news we were both expecting, and he came home then to be with me. I remember hearing the love, and absolute fear in his voice. I remember him trying to cover that fear up.

So much has happened this past year. Four surgeries. Rat poison shot into my veins (John doesn't like me to call it that, but it is toxic none the less). Lost my hair, my boobs, my dreams (only for a little while!), I thought I was staring death in the face. I knew the fear a mother knows when she doesn't think she will be around to see her babies grow. I learned just how much love and support I have around me. I learned how strong I could be. I learned that those little everyday annoyances are not important at all. I learned my children could handle more than they should ever have had to at such a young age. I re-learned how much my husband loves me---for me.

This time last year, I couldn't think more than a couple of days ahead. Getting to the other side of this seemed SOOOOO far away. Now I am almost there. About 6 more months of Hercpetin, and a few finishing touches on the foobs, and I will be there. If only this darn hair would grow a little faster! I will obviously never forget. But hopefully it will fade at least a little. I will use my experience to help others know they can get through this. I will use my experience to educate others.

I'm going to try to have an awesome day. I will allow myself to reflect, I don't think I can keep myself from doing so. But I will try really hard to have a day that I can remember in place of the Oct 25 in my memory now.

Thanks for listening!!

Public Restrooms for Women...

2007-10-24T21:19:00.000-05:00

Off the YSC Boards.....

OK, GIRLS, IF YOU DONT LAUGH OUT LOUD WITH THIS ONE, YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, however, because the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.

You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't---so you carefully, but quickly, drape it around your neck because Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!

Finally, you yank down your pants, and assume 'The Stance.' In this position, your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday---the one that's still in your purse. (Oh, yeah, the purse around your neck...) That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than the palm of your hand.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

"Occupied!"you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor. Now you lose
your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet, of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper, not that there was any.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew. You're certain that her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, Frankly, dear, you just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl. Of course, that sprays a fine mist of water on your butt, which then runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in, too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you find in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?!?) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!!) It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Newspaper Article...

2007-10-24T12:09:00.000-05:00

Here is the link to the article I spoke about. Click here to read it. I will try to watch and make sure the link stays the same. Feel free to leave a comment telling me what you think.

Sometimes....

2007-10-23T17:24:00.000-05:00

Thinking of the title is a pain!! I have no snappy title today, sorry folks.

I am doing fine. Was still wired Tuesday--finally was able to sleep good Wednesday. That could be because I took the motion sick patch off, or because I took a sleeping pill. Or I guess it could be a little of both.

Tuesday SIL Ann took me to my drs appt. She said everything looked good. I think I may have hurt her feelings when she took the dressings off, asked me what I thought, and I just kind of stood there looking at myself in the mirror. She had called Monday night to check on me, and sounded really pleased with the way things had gone in surgery. Said she thought this looked natural (or as natural as a 40 yr old with perky breasts can look I guess). I really can't explain how I felt about the "girls" or "foobs" when I first saw them. Yeah, I have boobs, but they still don't look like mine. Of course we still have the nipple and areola to do, so that doesn't really help. As time is going on, I do believe I like them. Although they still have to settle, and the swelling needs to go down. She didn't seem to think there was too much swelling, which is good. To get the total Va Va Voom look, I will still need a bra. The side view doesn't look like much, but, the top view looks pretty good. I am a little more sore on the left side for some reason---Jenny says maybe b/c I am a righty and that side isn't as developed. I was sleeping in bed from the first night--that is a nice change. Didn't really want to be doing the whole recliner thing again! I can somewhat sleep on my side already too. Although the last couple of nights I can't seem to lay on the left, and I can't get comfy any other way--go figure!! I am more sore this week than last week too. Probably have been doing a little more than I should. But I feel so good. Seems really silly to not do stuff. I am completely terrified of ripping those internal stitches. So maybe that will keep me in line. I quit taking the vicodin Thursday morning. I didn't want that to cover any feeling if I was doing too much. I did take a couple Sunday as I was pretty sore then. I was getting a headache from it, and it tends to bind me up. Has to be taken with a stool softener. I get this strange sensation on my back-left side--sometimes too. The only way I can think to describe it is it feels like a piece of tape that popped lose all of the sudden. I asked Jenny about it--she thought maybe a nerve twinge? Makes sense to me. I will have to remember to ask the dr about it though.

Wednesday I started driving. Not a lot, just picked the girls up from school. Oh, I dropped them off that day too so Jenna could work the morning store. Thursday I dropped them off again, I wasn't feeling too great that day.I dropped Haley off at gymnastics, luckily John was able to pick her up. Friday I had an interview for the local paper. It being breast cancer month I had emailed the paper saying that if they were going to do a story, I would be available to talk. Pam-the paper's editor--is also Mom's best friend's daughter. She had actually called to try and set up a time for Friday the 12th-when I was running a ton of errands, or Monday the 15th, which I obviously couldn't do. She was busy over the weekend, so we decided on the 19th. I was still worried that I wouldn't know what to say, but when I got there I seemed to have plenty to say! I probably sounded like an insane person, jabbering away! And of course I thought of more to say after I left her, but the poor lady isn't writing a book! I am not sure when this is supposed to be in the paper. If there is a link online I will post it here. She is also going to do a side bar on the Young Survival Coalition..

Saturday we went to the JR Football Superbowl. This is the first time a Braidwood team has made it to the Superbowl. They were also hosting the event, which was even better. They didn't win unfortunately. We stayed for the game after also. By the time we left it was after 9, cold and I had a headache. I think going to this game may be why I was sore on Sunday, but that's okay!! Sunday we were up at John's Mom and Dad's. By the time we left I was kind of wore out. Definitely sore. I have to wear a sports bra when I sleep, the rest of the day I can take it off. Well I have been wearing it all day--that gets a little old, but it feels better. Last night I switched to a tank with built in bra--I think I will use that for the day and stick with the bra for night.

Last night we took the girls to Spirit Halloween for costumes. Actually, Jenna wants to be a dead hillbilly, so I will have to hit the resale shops for her. Haley found something surprisingly quick. She is going to be a goth chick. I still have to get my costume, I am thinking I am going to be Goth Ann. Think- Raggedy Ann, with black hair and black and white clothes. After a quick trip to Target we went to Apple Bee's for dinner. It was delicious! Again though--sore by the time we get home.

I did the free trial on the Netflix--so I could watch movies while I recuperate. It's pretty nice deal actually!! I have watched~
Vacancy--good movie, nice and creepy scary--not gory.
Disturbia--pretty good also--again, not gory
Wild Hogs--This was cute.
1408--the unrated directors cut version. This was good. I am curious to reread the story now and see how it is different.
300--Really, really thought I was going to like this one. Couldn't get into it at all. I even turned it off before it was done, I can't even tell you the last time I've done that!

I now have Alpha Dog--One I got for John and bumped up on my list b/c he was laid off. And Omen IV. I didn't realize there was a 4. I want to see 3, they seem to play 1 and 2 on tv all the time. With Netflix they don't know when 3 will be available.

John and I were in the attic today. We found the box that had stuff from when the girls were born. My journal to them, extra pics from the hospital--which I gave them some, and the newspaper article from when they were born. They enjoyed that. Haley wants to take it to school tomorrow.

Oh--hair update. It is growing, although not fast enough. It seems to be thick. I combed it all down last night to let it dry that way. I told John if I had blond hair I would look like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby. After she chops it all off. Actually, I just looked for a pic to post here, and my hair isn't even that long yet. Darn! Someone posted this website today with short haircuts. I will have to keep checking it as my hair grows out.

Well, enough for now. I guess I should write more often so I don't have to write so much at a time. You think?? All I can say is thank goodness blogger now auto saves every couple of minutes! While I was writing about the movies, I lost everything!! I could have never remembered what was written. I actually lost it twice--the second time when writing about Mia Farrow. That time I got the IE error. Oh well, at least it was all still here!

Surgery Update

2007-10-15T20:43:00.000-05:00

I got home about 2pm today. Doing pretty well actually right now. Don't have huge bodacious ta-tas like I would have liked. Not really sure what they look like yet to be honest with you.

The anesthesia seems to have played a lot nicer today. This could be due to about 4 different things.
1. I ate a pb&j with my double fiber bread (so it would stick with me) last night about 11.
2. Surgery was first thing this morning.
3. They put a motion sickness patch on me. He had said I could leave it on for 3 days--don't think I will need to do that.
4. He said they weren't going to give me the gasses.

I am starting to wind down now, but there for awhile I felt like I was hopped up on caffeine or something. The pain isn't too bad. Just keeping up with the Vicodin for now. My throat is a little sore from the tube they put down your throat.

We got there in good time this morning, and things moved right along. I noticed it was about 7:50 when we rolled into the surgery room. I was freaking out a bit. It is absolutely amazing how fast that ansthesia puts you out! We are talking about the dream I am going to have (sitting on a beach in Cozumel, sipping Pina Coladas brought by the cabana boy) one minute, then the eyes are heavy, then bye-bye me. I was in recovery around 11am, and we left around 1pm. Thank you again Ann for taking me!! I truly appreciate it. When I got back here, I set up the bed and lay down for a couple of hours. When I got up from there I was fine--other than feeling like I may be on speed!! I was in a little pain, so I took the Vicodin, that was at 4 it is 9 now and not too bad. I will take it before I go to sleep though. Not sure if I will sleep in the recliner or the bed. When I was in the bed earlier, I was hogging the whole thing. Not sure if I will be able to get comfortable on just half.

Thank you Mom also, for getting the girls to school and for stopping after school.

Dr. S just called to check on me. She is very pleased with how the surgery went, and is also going to let the anesthesiaolgist know that what he did worked. She said he was really taking care of me, and he must have been! She also told me not to touch the patch and then my eyes--it will make them dialate!! That is good to know.

Oh, and another plus--no drains this time either!! YEAH!!

Okay--off to relax now!!

Tomorrow....

2007-10-14T19:01:00.000-05:00

Well, tomorrow is my swap out surgery. I am sort of freaking out about this one. I was pretty much okay with the last one, not sure why this one is bothering me. Other than I am sick of this. I plan on eating a sandwich or something about 11pm (was told nothing after midnight)to see if that helps me get over the anesthesia tomorrow. Hopefully getting in there first thing in the morning will help too.

I have a few more things to get done before I get to relax tonight. If that is even possible. I will probably be taking the Ativan before bed. I will be up and gone at 4:30. My poor, wonderful friend Ann. She offered to take me tomorrow, and it is soooo early.

Will post as soon as I feel up to it. I don't imagine that will be tomorrow, but you never know!

Slowing down a bit???

2007-10-11T09:14:00.000-05:00

Cheerleading is done now--Yeah!! Less running around. They got 4th out of 6 squads on Sunday. I thought they did awesome. Especially considering they had girls quitting at the last minute and had to change things. I do agree with the judges that the facials (smiling)was not as good as it could have been. Some of the other squads were definitely better at that. And that their moves weren't nice and tight. What I don't agree with is that their routine wasn't difficult enough. It seemed more difficult than some of the others. I'm not 100% sure this is something the judges said though-I need to check on that. It has been nice this week to not have all the running to do in the evening. I still seem to be doing a lot of it during the day.

I don't need to go through recipe books, or spend all day making dinners--YEAH!! I went to GFS yesterday and got some frozen meals. I mean if this is the stuff that some restaurants serve, it should be good enough. They were around $10 each. I didn't think that was too bad. Ingredients would have cost at least half that! And it saves me having to make them. I got manicotti, lasagna, chicken and dumplings, and chicken fettuccine. Once I get some garlic bread and rolls, we'll be good to go. Plus I still have quite a bit on the gift card that the wonderful people from the office gave me. One less thing to worry about.

I am starting to freak out a little over this surgery. I'm not really sure why. I was ok with the last one, why should this one bother me? I'm sick of surgeries, I do know that. I absolutely hate anesthesia, too. But I will be that much closer to looking normal again. Hopefully they won't put as much pressure on my ribs. Not looking like I'm laying down, even when I'm standing up will be nice too. No more walking like a linebacker! Maybe part of my problem is that I am nervous to see how they turn out. I really don't want to have to do any revisions. More surgery--YUK! I am not getting as big as I would have liked, that kind of bums me out too. Although maybe they will look better than I am expecting. At least they will look right in shirts!! No longer square. She did say she probably wouldn't use any drains, so that is a plus!

On the way home Sunday night, we had a couple of motorcycles pass us and the car/truck in front of us. I don't know what was in front of us b/c they were pulling a huge trailer, and I never really saw the vehicle. The motorcycles and a truck flew around us. I looked at my speedometer, I was doing 58. They had to be doing at least 75. I noticed that the one closest to us was a chick. Well, one of the girls makes the comment that the bikes are loud--dad's isn't that loud. I explain that they are still on the gas and speeding up. Then you hear the engines drop off. Next thing I know the trailer in front of us slams on the brakes. They have their hazards on, I am thinking that something is wrong with their trailer and they are pulling over. As I go around them, I see something in the road. I of course am thinking deer--since there are so many around here. As I look over, I see parts of the bike and someone laying there. The guy is walking back towards this, I don't recall seeing the truck at all. There is a car pulled over and I stopped to ask if she is with them, if she is ok, and if she has a cell phone. She starts to ask me what happened, then realizes I am stopped on the road and tells me to go. I have Haley climb in the front seat to get my phone off the floor (where it fell when I slammed on the brakes). When I call 911 they say that the fire dept. and police are on their way already. Jenna must have said at least 10 times that the person looked like a star (arms and legs spread) and was laying face down. I don't think I truly processed what I had seen until I got home. I am extremely thankful for having such a big trailer in front of us, that we didn't see it happen. The girls seemed okay after about a half hour at home. I took an Ativan that night b/c when I closed my eyes, I saw the scene in my head. I cannot imagine what the person in front of me is going through, or of course those involved in the accident. According to the paper, she did survive (a major miracle in itself--she wasn't wearing a helmet). She is in serious condition. John heard that they are keeping her in a coma for now. Of course now Haley says that she will never ride a motorcycle or want her husband to get one. The paper says the lady hit the back end of a car (the lady I talked to maybe?). No one seems clear on whether the car pulled out in front of her, or if it was just going slow. It is all just another reminder of how things can change in an instant!

Well I am off to get a few things done before my drs appt. I have my pre op physical this afternoon.

Catch up again...

2007-10-06T22:39:00.000-05:00

I realize it has been a little while since my last post. There are a few reasons for that. One--it has just been insanely busy between running the girls, dr appts., getting a new truck, and trying to get things in line for the next surgery. Two--the idea of this blog was for it to be somewhat therapeutic. It has kind of lost that. Despite my warning on the side over there, I find myself censoring what I say so as to not upset people, or if I think it would be too much information for some.

I had an appt to have my blood checked on Thursday--this is for my thyroid. That medicine needed to be upped again. This coming Thursday I go back for my pre op appt.
The girls had a dentist appt about a week and a half ago. He wants us to consult with an orthodontist about Jenna. He thinks they may want to put her in braces now. Not a biggie I guess. We knew she would need them--both girls will I'm sure. And she is a little older now. I have a real hard time with braces on a first, second or third grader. I just don't get it--they haven't even lost all their teeth yet. Anyway, they gave us a few names, I will set that up for after surgery.

Cheerleading is coming to an end. Tomorrow is the big competition. They have worked their butts off this week with the extra practices. Tonight they went and had pizza and got their hair done (they have to all look the same!). It will be a long day tomorrow. And unfortunately the high school is not air conditioned--it is supposed to be 90 tomorrow. At least their holding area (the middle school) is air conditioned! I am glad they don't have school on Monday too. Gives them a little down time after all the craziness! They have worked really hard for this (the whole squad has). Believe it or not there have been girls quitting this week (including one that quit this morning--the day before competition)! One week left and they're done! The remaining girls have had to learn new parts to cover those that quit. I cannot believe that these parents let their kids quit like that.

I have been doing some major purging around here--cleaning closets and such. I have thrown away alot!! It feels better just having it done!

I don't have an official time yet, but my ps nurse called to let me know they had finally switched offices and to give me the new number, so I had asked her if she knew when my surgery would be. It kind of sucks having to wait until next Friday to find out. She said her times are usually right and I am in the books for 7:30. So I will have to be there are 6:15-6:30. This won't be official until the hospital calls on Friday. I'm glad it is in the morning. I am wondering if part of the reason the anesthesia bothers me so much is b/c I haven't eaten in so long. So this shouldn't be as bad-maybe. I get a headache, and sometimes queasy if I don't eat. When I said this to John, he rolled his eyes at me. Of course someone that can go days without eating wouldn't understand.

My funk is still here. Of course I have been busy enough that it doesn't effect me too often. I was in a funk when we went to see Wicked. It was pretty good. As much as I didn't like the book, I am almost tempted to reread it now to see if I maybe understand it better.

The girls are in speech. Their competition for that is November 10. So it is a very short season. I hope this brings Jenna out of her shell somewhat. They are also in band. That doesn't start until the 22cnd. I have had a couple of meetings to run to though. Jenna is playing the flute and Haley the clarinet. I told them that I should take piano lessons and we could play together.

Thank goodness cheerleading is done. This week will be a busy one. Just getting the house in order, stocking up, making dinners to freeze, and dr appt will keep me busy!! I have my Herceptin on Wednesday.

Well, I have some laundry to do and a kitchen to clean and then I am off to bed! Cross your fingers that the girls do good tomorrow!!

Desperate Housewives..

2007-09-24T21:36:00.001-05:00

Which one are you?? Or for the guys, which one should you marry?

Click here to take the quiz.

I am Susan. I don't mind that at all. I absolutely love Terri Hatcher. Read her book-"Burnt Toast" last summer before all hell broke loose! Her and I are very similar.

I actually consider myself to be a mix between Lynette and Susan.

Bad Attitude...

2007-09-19T08:05:00.000-05:00

That seems to be me lately. Nothing I can put my finger on. I am angry, sad, upset, all in one. I can be totally fine one minute and the smallest thing can set me off. Today is better so far--hopefully it will stay that way. I think all of this cancer crap is finally "hitting" me. I have heard from other ladies about a tough time after treatment or when it slows down. I thought I would be lucky and not have that, esp since I have been able to shake most of this off. But I think that may actually be a big part of my problem right now. Maybe all of my problem. I think about all that I have been through, physically, mentally, emotionally, and it just really gets to me. I hope I get past this soon. I usually can shake things off by now. I guess this may be a kind of grieving process I may be going through. If that is the case, I guess it is best to let it run it's course. Otherwise, it will come back to bite me again. It doesn't help that I have been hearing so much lately about ladies with mets. There are a few on the YSC boards that have found out the cancer has come back, or are going through a scare about that right now. I try not to think about this. I try to keep the mind set that I have this beat and it will not be back. But when hearing these stories it is hard to keep that frame of mind. I am coming out on the other side of this, but yet far from done. Hot Flashes due to chemo pause are still an issue, as well as other menopause issues. Who knows if my period will come back or if it is gone for good. Mixed feelings on this. I don't miss it, but feel I am too young for this, and the symptoms suck. But if my period comes back, I will have to go through this all again--I think anyway. My balance is off. Walking down the bleachers at the girls' games, something that should not be a problem, I feel like I may fall. Even stepping down from a step that is a little high. Chemo brain, drs are finally studying this. I can be thinking or talking about something and totally lose my train of thought. Think--knowing someones name, knowing you know the word you want to use, but it won't come out. I know we all go through this, but it happens sveral times a day to me. Think--going to a room to do something and forgetting what that was by the time you get there. Again, everyone does this, but I do it all the time. TMI for some---bowel movements are still not back to normal either. I was a once a day, maybe miss a day type of gal. Now,3 times a day on average.

My girlfriend said the other day that she notices herself being more outspoken since turning 40. This could be part of my problem too. I no longer feel the need to keep my mouth shut to keep others happy. I no longer feel I should let people walk on me to keep the peace. Is this b/c I turned 40?? Or b/c of the cancer, and facing my mortality, realizing that life is too short for this shit??

Ok, enough rambling.

Haley got up this morning and acted as my personal trainer. She does all that conditioning in gymnastics and I need to do something. We did not do the hour that she does sometimes. There wasn't enough time, and obviously I wouldn't be able to do that. It was a good start though. I have about a month until my surgery. I would like to be on the road to losing weight by then. Ten pounds by then would be a good start. I want some strength by then to make recovery easier (not that I had it too bad last time,and this time the girls will be in school and John at work during the week, so I will have the daytime to relax.). I won't be able to use my upper body for much for six weeks. But anyway, I need to lose the weight--but I also want these new boobs to appear bigger. I am "filled" to the max-720 cc's. When I get the implants they will be 800cc's. They are also high profile(stick out more), the expanders are under my arms also (think walking like a linebacker!)and that will all be out front. She is also going to make a "pocket" to put the implant in that will help me look fuller and the cleavage look nice. But....she said to expect a C cup. I guess that is ok, I was hoping more for a large C maybe even a small D. I might as well get something out of this crap! The implants are only made so big though. Another stumbling point in this long road! So, if I lose weight, the boobs start to appear bigger-I can't lose the weight there!

Well, I am off. I have some things to get done this morning so I can hopefully enjoy the pool this afternoon. I am hoping that the water isn't too cold!! Don't forget to check out my next post on finding your pirate name!!

This week is Hithcock week on AMC!!!! They also have a show on Thursday nights called Mad Men. It is kind of quirky--but worth another look. I have only seen it once. I may have to watch some of them On Demand to see if I really like it, or if it is just something to watch when nothing else is on.

Pirate Name

2007-09-19T07:54:00.000-05:00

There is a site where you can take a quiz and get your pirate name. Here is mine.....

My pirate name is:

Iron Charity Flint

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Surgery Date

2007-09-15T11:52:00.000-05:00

I got the call yesterday--my swap out surgery is on October 15th. I can't wait. Not that I am looking forward to surgery, but I am looking forward to feeling normal again. I am also glad these expanders will be gone. I have been very uncomfortable the past few weeks. Not in pain, just uncomfortable. There is a pressure on my ribs. It makes it hard to find a comfortable position, hard to sleep too. I have been stretching, and sitting in funny positions when no one is around to try and help it. This then leads to my back hurting. But it is almost over!! At least this part anyway.

Had my appt with my cardiologist yesterday. (That still sounds wrong anytime I think of it!). Did the ultrasound first. The lady that does that is so sweet. The first couple of times she was telling me about her sister that had had breast cancer 5 years ago, and how she was doing. Well, yesterday she informed me that the cancer has metastasized in her sister. This is so sad to hear. It can still be overcome, and her sister is bound and determined to beat this. But it really sucks to hear that anyone has to go through any of this again. She has a blog also. Please check it out, and keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

As for my appt--things were fine. The leaky valve is leaking a little less. My ejection fraction number (EF#) is 58. It was 62, but as long as it doesn't go down more than 10 points, it's ok. More than 10 points and you have to stop the herceptin for it to come back up. The EF measures your hearts pumping rate. This and the leak are things she believes will resolve themselves when I am finished with the herceptin.

Well, insurance totaled John's truck. This really sucks. Luckily we have great family and friends that have cars/trucks that he can use right now. That way we don't feel pressured to get something right this second. When you do that you end up-paying to much, getting something and hating it, or getting a piece of garbage. He is in New Hampshire this weekend for...(say it all together now..)..races. Soon he starts the outage and will be working 7/12's. Which cuts down on looking time. I am so grateful that he didn't get hurt, especially since he doesn't wear a seat belt.

The girls and I went to the high school game last night. It was cold!! They were performing at halftime with the HS cheerleaders. They did great. I video taped it, I will have to play around with it and see if I can get closer up on it. If it looks ok-I will try to post it here. I hate to do this, but we left as soon as they were done. I had been sitting out there since about 6 (they were in the school) it was about 9 when they finished. I was freezing!! I am such a wimp when it comes to being cold. I also have a cold, and didn't want that getting worse. When we left the score was 7-7.

The girls have their Homecoming game tonight. It is a night game, their game should be around 6. Hopefully we will be done around 7:30. I really don't want to be getting cold again!

Oh--I almost forgot about the PS appt. You know me, I never say boo--I just accept things and move on basically. Well, I got to the office a few minutes early for my 12:30 appt. This lady walks in behind me, and they inform her that her appt isn't until 2:30. She does this "oh really--I left work, I thought it was now, hmmmmm". They said they would squeeze her in. Then...they take her back first!! I couldn't believe it. Me, on time---her, 2 hours early. Me, waiting---her,going straight back!!! I didn't get called back til 12:45. I know that isn't a long time, but it is the principal of it! When I went back I told the nurse I wasn't happy with that. Yes, she left work to get there, but I do have other things to do too!!! The nurse that runs things came in to apologize, and gave me some chocolate for my troubles. Then I am waiting in there til 1:20 before the dr comes in. The "squeeze in" appt took 45 minutes!! The nurse came in and apologized again and brought me a small bottle of water. Thank goodness, I was starving. I didn't eat lunch, I didn't figure I would be in there that long! My appt took some time between the fill and talking over all the surgery stuff! I didn't get out of there until 2:20! By this time I was getting a terrible headache from not eating. All I wanted to do was get home before the girls (and we had a busy night ahead of us) and eat something. I would take alternate routes knowing that certain routes had construction and would run into more construction!! And people that could not do the speed limit! At one point I was behind someone doing 35 in a 55--and of course I couldn't get around them! AAARRRGHG!!! It felt like I was never going to get home! Obviously I finally did. Oh-- and the nurse apologized on the way out. She said she did make the wrong call on that one, that she didn't think that appt would last anywhere near that long.

On a lighter note--someone from the YSC board posted about this website. Perpetual Kid. You HAVE to check this out. They have some funny stuff on there! They even have a punching bag with a slot to add someones face to it!! It is probably like a kid's punching bag, but I may have to get it. I have really needed a punching bag lately--I think it would be an awesome stress reliever!!

Off to write a note for cheerleading. One month and we will be done with that too!! Yeah!!

Great Start

2007-09-08T12:06:00.000-05:00

Well it was a Friday--but not the 13th. Although you wouldn't have know that from the luck John had yesterday morning.

He has to leave for work at around 4:15 am (Yikes!!). Well, around 8 I got a phone call from him saying that he had been in an accident. He is fine thankfully! We are waiting on the fate of the truck however. Not sure if insurance will fix it or total it.

Apparently it was a construction area, and someone in the left hand lane-a few cars ahead of John-stopped for no reason. He only knows this b/c the semi driver had seen it. The car in front of John then stopped. He knew there was no way he was going to stop in time, so he looked to his right, didn't notice anything and tried to swing into the right hand lane. Well, there was a semi there. He thinks he hit the trailer. There was no damage to the semi. John thinks he may have bounced off the trailer and back into the car in front of him. Luckily no one was hurt. The semi driver stayed to talk with the police then headed out--he had no damage to report. The car in front had some damage. And of course John got a ticket b/c he assholed the guy in front. Oh, and the person who caused all of this by stopping in the middle of the road??? Gone. That's right. Whether they realized they caused an accident or not, I don't know, but they left. Real nice huh??

I also am wondering--what on earth do the ins. agents do??? We have never had a claim before, so are totally unsure on how to handle it. We went to the ins office (which was closed for lunch--so we had to wait around an hour--that's small town for you, not even something to tell you when they would be back) and of course the agent isn't there. I have never seen him there. Not that I am in there a ton, but the few times I have stopped in, never there. I realize at most offices, the secretary does a lot of the tedious work. John explains to her what happened and she proceeds to dial the main office or whatever, and hands the phone to John!! We could have done this at home! He is on the phone for 20- 30 minutes answering their questions. Now she did say they would have a lot of questions and it is easier just to have him talk to them direct. So as we go to leave John mentions that if he has any questions, he guesses he could give her a call. She tells him that the main office takes it from here on out! Which is fine, but again leads me back to my original question, what on earth do the ins agents do?? If any of you are ins agents out there, please leave a comment in reply to this.

Well, off to the girls game. They had said it was going to be 77 today. They lied!

Quick Update..

2007-09-06T20:52:00.000-05:00

I had another PS appt today. We did the last fill on the right--I have one more on the left to go. (Remember, we couldn't fill the first time b/c of fluid). We are looking at early Oct. for the swap out date. YEAH!!!! It is an outpatient procedure, and on a scale of 1-10 the pain will probably be about a 3-so not bad. The restrictions will be the same as last time though. There will be internal stitches holding the implant in place, and we don't want them to pop! It will be so nice, no awesome, to get this step done!! I haven't had a "normal" body since January. Yes, with the expanders I have bumps that look decent under loose shirts. But they are odd shaped, and a little lumpy, so wearing tighter shirts really isn't an option right now. And with getting the surgery done the first part of Oct. my lifting restrictions should be up right around Thanksgiving. Which would be good, we all know how crazy it gets after that!! It will be a year in Oct since all of this has started, it will be nice to be basically done, and start working on putting this behind me.

I will fill in more details at a later time, for those interested. Right now we need to eat.

Can I Tell You....

2007-09-01T10:18:00.000-05:00

I really like going to the High School football games. Last night was an absolutely beautiful night out too. It did get a little chilly in the end, but you couldn't ask for better football weather. It didn't look too good during most of the game, Dwight scored early, but in the last couple of minutes they pulled it off and won the game! Same as last week. 7-6.

Did not sleep well at all again last night. Didn't want to take the Ativan as I had taken it for two nights and wanted to see what happened. Well, I fell asleep for about a half hour, then woke up and had a hard time sleeping the rest of the night. This really sucks! If I get woke up because of hot flashes or anything, it takes me FOREVER to fall back asleep. And the worst is when I just dose off and get woke up. I am going to have to break down and call the dr. I need another dr appt like I need a hole in my head! But I do need to sleep. I can get quiet cranky if I am tired.

Poor Scrappy. I'm not sure what is wrong with him. He has been itching at his eyes and they now look real nasty. He has also been licking/chewing his feet, and just doesn't seem like himself. I have an appt for him Tuesday. Hopefully he doesn't go crazy before then. The girls had Alivia spending the night last night, and Scrappy bit her! I still can't believe it!! I mean I know it is true, but is so unlike him. He didn't break the skin, which is good. At least I don't think he did. Alivia says he didn't, but the bite is on her butt and she wouldn't let me see it.

The girls have a game today, then we are off to help Susie and B move into their new house. John is up there now. Of course by the time we get there-it will probably be done!

I did get in to clean out the pool yesterday. It actually ended up being pretty nice out. With all these leaves falling I will have to get in there again tomorrow. So tough!!

Back to school...

2007-08-31T13:46:00.000-05:00

Again. The girls had a full day of school last Thursday, then Friday off because the power was off. Those storms that rolled through were wicked! And such a wide area was affected. I drove into it coming home from my ps appt. I actually pulled off the road for a minute, but decided being parked by big trees could be a bigger mistake! All in all we were lucky. We only lost power for maybe 15 minutes, no tree limbs down or other damage. The sirens did go off. John went to get Haley from gymnastics, and Jenna and I stepped outside to see what it looked like. In front there were some clouds swirling around--very creepy. In back there were some swirling a bit, and there was what looked like the eye of a tornado. I tried to get picks--don't think they turned out real well though. We had the crawl space ready to get into, luckily we never needed it.

Saturday the girls had a game in Momence. It felt like the longest game ever!! The weather was a little goofy--rain/sun/rain/sun.... That night we went to the high school game in Wilmington. It was a good game. Reed Custer won 7-6.

Tuesday was off to see the onc and get the Herceptin. Always fun! I told him about the hot flashes--he prescribed Effexor. I tried this, it makes my mouth taste like shit--like on chemo--and makes me very queasy--again, like on chemo. I think I will take my chances with the hot flashes--I can't stand feeling queasy all the time. I do need something for sleep though. I have been taking the Ativan the last two nights and have passed out. And slept all night. I will have to talk with Dr. C about this again. One of his suggestions to try before meds was walking, well I am walking 3 miles 2-3 times a week. I am going from the time I get up, til the time I try to go to sleep. Before all this crap, I could have a much more relaxed day and still sleep all night with no problem.

It is 79 right now. I am hoping the sun stays out for awhile so I can get the pool cleaned out without freezing.

Tonight we have the high school game--the JR Comets will be introduced between JV and Varsity games. Then they have a game tomorrow.

Enjoy your last official weekend of summer!! I know I plan to!

Where to begin...

2007-08-22T22:58:00.000-05:00

Okay...Okay... I know, it's catch up time again.

I left off the last entry saying that John was up to something with the Kenny Chesney tickets--he had gotten us section 101 row 2 tickets! Great seats! I took a lot of pictures, and some actually didn't turn out too bad. Ann, Cindy, and Melissa went with. We had a great time. We really need to have girls nights out more often. The tailgating before was fun also--time to just relax! We didn't sit down for Pat Green, none of us had really heard of him--and we were on a mission to get drinks. Sugarland was good, Kenny ROCKED (can you say that about a country singer?)!! While still tailgating...we had made a trip to the wonderful out houses. On the way back, I noticed someone bent over my car, using the trunk for a table. As we walked up I asked "Why are you writing on my trunk??" Well then I realized it was a police officer, not that that makes it ok. His reply was that he wasn't "writing" on my trunk, but if I wanted him to move, he would. So of course I said "yes". That is why that pad has a cardboard back--so you can hold it in your hand and write. Oh well---back to the partying!! I haven't really drank in awhile. Made up for it a little that night. But surprisingly I didn't feel bad the next day. Relax....Ann drove to her house, and Cindy drove from there. I must admit too, that I tried to use the cancer card to get backstage. Didn't work unfortunately. It has to be good for something though right?

Jenny and Susie did their walk that weekend too. It was hotter than hell!! And I guess on the last night they had to evacuate their tents because of a storm. Most of the walk wasn't in Chicago, most people were surprised at that. Susie ended up with heat rash and Jenny had several toes bandaged due to blisters. Jenny (God love her..) when people would complain about the walk, she would say..."It's better than having your boobs chopped off!" Or something similar. I would imagine that shut everyone up!! I still think it was incredibly awesome of them to do this in my honor.

This past weekend we went to Great America. I didn't book a room ahead of time, thinking that if we got all the park done in one day we wouldn't need a room. Note to self....next time just book the room and use it, even if just going home the next morning. We did find a room, it just would have been nice to be able to go directly there, instead of driving around looking. Friday night the "Plain White T's" had a free concert. We did have to go get wristbands first thing though. Then we were tied up from about 4:30 to 8:30 with the concert. It was pretty good. Wonderful weather that day--not too bad of lines either. Saturday was gloomy. We wanted to hit Superman first, but the line was already pretty long, so we hit other roller coasters and pretty much got right on. Batman, Deja Vu, V2, Raging Bull, And Iron Wolf (I skipped that one--never liked it--even when it was Shock Wave--jostles you around too much). We also hit one of our favorite rides--The Giant Drop. Awesome!!! Then we went back and stood in line for Superman. Almost 2 hours later we got on the ride. WOW!! It ..... is........AWESOME!!!! Would love to go at a slow time to ride over and over--or maybe even get the front car. I had gone online and got the tickets--$15 off each---plus buy 3 get 1 free. For the tickets for the second day, they were $20 each. Saturday was a little chilly too. It did start raining about 3:30, so we headed on home. I was wiped!

Haley has now decided that she is going to be a vegetarian. She is just not eating meat. Animal by products are still ok. I have to say I am impressed (and proud). While at Great America, she could have easily given in, or decided she wasn't starting until Monday. Food choices were slim there. She did ok though, she had cheese fries the first day. The second day she shared Mucho Nachos with John, and picked off the meat.

The girls are of to school in the morning. They need it I think. They are nit picking at each other constantly. I am thinking Friday I may enjoy some nice quiet time in the pool. If something comes up Friday, then I will plan it for Monday. I have a dr appt. tomorrow--so that is out.

Ok--off to bed. We aren't used to this school schedule, we will all be hurting I think!!!

Okay, Okay...

2007-08-10T21:14:00.000-05:00

I know it has been quite awhile since I have posted. I really have not felt like sitting at the computer lately. And I also hate writing with people looking over my shoulder. Since it is summer--it is a lot harder to write without someone interrupting or reading over my shoulder.

Had another Herceptin Tuesday. Yesterday I would have sworn that they gave me the wrong stuff. My stomach was very queasy. The timing was the same too. Must have been a coincidence though. Today I feel great.

I had my 5th fill. The last 2 times have not hurt/been uncomfortable at all. The expanders are square, so I am oddly shaped if I wear a tighter shirt. They extend under my armpit more than they normally would. I also have a corner sticking out on the right side.

We went to the Harry Potter party to get the new book. It is a good book, I think she tied things up well. I was a little upset at a few things that happened, but what can you do? It will make an excellent movie. Now I plan to go back and read the whole series over.

Took the girls to the American Idol concert Tuesday. They had fun. Half those kids are mediocre (they are better than me obviously--but I don't' think they are good enough to be on tour). The rest were good. Gina is from Naperville, so this was her "home town" stop, her boyfriend came on stage and proposed. It was pretty cool.

Cheerleading has started again. We are running most nights and half the weekend. There have been some REAL hot practices too. My neighbor Ann and I have been walking the track during practice. Although, this week I missed. I think I may have possibly over done it last week. Between the walking, playing around in the pool and general running around, I was not feeling too great. It is amazing how wore out I can get. Kind of pisses me off actually. I have heard some people say that weren't back to normal for 1-3 years. That just seems so long!!

Tomorrow is the Kenny Chesney concert. John is up to something with this. I had to sell my seats--so the obvious assumption would be he got better seats. I have no clue where they are though. It is a girls night out to celebrate my birthday. Five years or so ago I decided I wanted to go to Mexico to celebrate my 40th birthday. Well, with all that has been going on this year, it obviously wasn't the best time to go. Then I heard that KC would be in town on my birthday weekend and decided that would be the best way to celebrate. John is at races with his dad, so.. girls night out. SIL Ann, Melissa and Cindy are going with me. It will be a blast! I bought a cheap cowboy hat at Target to wear over my bandanna!

Well, I am off to get the girls in bed and enjoy a quiet evening!!

Tomorrow...

2007-07-18T21:17:00.000-05:00

Wow, where has this week gone!! I took the girls to see Harry Potter Friday in 3D--it was good, awesome on the big screen. Only about 15-20 minutes towards the end was in 3D though. I would have liked more of it to be. Luckily I called the other theater before heading over to see the "Weasley Twins". The lady told me you had to buy movie tickets there to see them. Now, wouldn't you think the first guy would have told me that? I thought it was something they were doing separate. So--no pics! Then we ate at the worst Popeye's. We all hardly ate any of our food.

Saturday we took it easy. John was at the races (BIG race weekend). The girls helped me straighten up the house--then we went in the pool for awhile. With the cooler nights, the pool has cooled off a little.

I had to go for my Herceptin Tuesday--the benedryl I have to take beforehand knocks me out!! The last couple of days have been crazy busy--in a good way.

The girls started cheerleading Monday. Off we go again~! I am sharing the team mom with another mom--long story.

Tuesday the girls went to the HP program at the library. They have waited 3 years to be old enough to do this. They seemed to really like it. They were taught some magic tricks, and brought the stuff home to do the tricks. Haley also won the 7th Harry Potter book in a drawing. We have to pick it up after Saturday. Again, they don't know about the blog, so if you say anything to her, tell her I told you.

We will be going up Friday to get the new book-my copy. I'm not sure yet if we will miss cheerleading, or go after. It turns out that half the girls will be gone for the festival in town anyway--so it will be a wasted practice pretty much. I am not going to want to do anything but read this weekend!! I will be sneaking in as much reading as possible. I have about a 100 pages left in my reread of book 6.

I really hope sleep is not an issue tonight. The last few nights, between the storms and the hot flashes, not a whole lot of sleep going on.

Tomorrow I have an appt for another fill. Hopefully we can do both sides. I try to be good--but usually find myself stretching farther than I should and lifting things that maybe I shouldn't. I may be heading up this time myself. Which is really not a big deal. I know John likes to be there with me, but this one is at 5--so he will need to take the girls to cheerleading. The rest I think we'll be okay on.

Well, I am off to take a shower (if the dr says tomorrow that I still can't take a bath-I don't think I am going to listen to her- this is driving me nuts!), and then hopefully to sleep!!

Back From the Doctors

2007-07-12T16:41:00.000-05:00

Well---stitches are out. I felt a few little tugs. The stitches were on the inside, so when she pulled them out it felt a little freaky--didn't hurt, just felt weird! The right side was filled, but not the left. There was some fluid in that one that she drained off. I have to take antibiotics once a day-just in case. You can't really tell one was filled and the other not. I made a joke about being lopsided, and she assured me we would catch that side up. I asked how much she filled during surgery, and she said 180cc's. That explains actually having something!!

The bad news--no baths yet!! Which also means no swimming. That's okay--I can still float in the pool. But I was so looking forward to coming home tonight and taking a bath. One more week she said.

Ahhh well.